Making it work financially

[Knackeredmum13]

I'm about to start back to work after mat leave. Ive had my request to work less days turned down but as a compromise have been offered shorter days. The downside of this is that I will still have to pay for full time childcare whilst only earning part time wages.

I'm looking at the figures and trying to justify it to myself. I do want to return to work but once I've paid for childcare, travel etc there won't be much left. I've a long commute so life will be a bit of a stressful rush mon-fri and even with shorter hours I won't get much time with my child. I'm beginning to wonder whether its worth going back but then that's my career down the drain.

Has anybody else been in the same boat? If so, what did you decide to do?

[Pastperfect]

If try and put the idea of "quality time" out of your head. For the most part it is a myth. I have stayed at home - with three DC and - and between the school run/nursery pick up/BFing the baby/grocery shopping/ballet lessons/music practice/collecting dry cleaning/folding the 5th load of washing etc etc quality time is simply snippets of moments in between.

[ElizabethMedora]

I dunno OP. I have just given notice at my job where I am out 7am-7pm. I miss my kids Mon-Fri. I was pushed in the end though by the fact both of us had jobs incompatible with the drop off/pick up childcare hours, so logistically one of us had to stop & he earns more. Hard though.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

If it is 7 to 7.30pm I would probably only consider shorterned days. I leave at 7.15 and get back at 5.30 (on a good day) and I felt it is long enough. It is full time but my commute must be shorter than you though it is already an hour long. Luckily I have never been in your position and felt my one hour a way commute is long enough already!

I would consider only if it is worthwhile holding onto the job for the long run. Whether it is for looking for something closer or continuing part time like this.

[Knackeredmum13]

My commute is that long also because of awkward train times. The nursery is awkward to get to as well but it's so good that I think its worth the inconvenience.

[ElizabethMedora]

Can your DP do all the pick up & drop off then?

[bronya]

First of all, this is about you and your family. Not about anyone else, or their ideological views. Only you can decide on the life you are prepared to lead, either way.

Some questions to help you think:

• Are you desperate to go back to work for that sense of being 'me', dressing in nice clothes that don't get dirty by the end of the morning, having peaceful toilet breaks and the company of colleagues? Or do you love being at home with your child and dread leaving them for extended periods of time? Are you happy as you are now, or not?
  

• What are your plans for any future DC? How will that impact your finances and your time if you are working?
  

• Is your DH happy to do everything for your child Mon-Fri, on top of his work? CAN he do that and have enough time to do any work he brings home? If he can do it and is happy to do so, are you happy with the fact that he will be the main carer and DC might default to him at weekends when upset/needing things too?
  

• Have you been away since DC was born? Do you know how you'd feel if you didn't see them for a day/a few days/Mon-Fri?? If not, could you try it? I know people who don't mind at all (baby is in bed when they get home), and people for whom it was emotionally awful so had to make lifestyle changes.
  

• Whatever choice you make, it might work out fantastically for your DC, or not. They are an individual too. Many children thrive in nursery, but some do not, and their needs then affect the decisions made in the family.
  

• Could you, happily, live on the income you have just from your DH? Or not?
  

• And lastly, have you considered life insurance etc for your DH and yourself? Regardless of whether you go back to work or not, from what you say about your salary vs nursery fees, if something happened to one of you, the remaining parent wouldn't be able to pay full nursery fees, mortgage, bills etc.
  

I've tried both, as I said before. I did enjoy having a bit of my old life back while I was at work, having the peace and quiet, and it was much easier than staying at home with a baby! However, everyone was always stressed, and my DC struggled to settle. He was at the CM 7.30am - 5pm. At night, he wouldn't sleep because he wanted to play with me/DH, and in the night he woke loads, and usually ended up coming into our bed for comfort. He was stressy, and just not right. On holiday, he was a different child - content, slept well, all good. That 'holiday' baby reappeared as soon as I quit work, and he's been ever so happy ever since. He's a sensitive child though, who even finds two full hours of toddler group a bit too much - a bolder one wouldn't have had issues!

[NewJobNewLife]

Would your employer consider FT hours but an early start and early finish? If you don't leave the house until 7am for a normal start time, consider leaving at 6am (leaving DH to do morning nursery run) and getting to work an hour early?

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[Knackeredmum13]

We already have all our insurances etc in place. We could live on DHs wages but my wages would be useful for extras. Plus once the childcare years are over I'd be bringing home a good amount.

I definitely do want to go back as I find being at home very dull unless we have activities planned. It's just the guilt over leaving the baby, which I know will subside once we all get used to it. Luckily the baby is very sociable and thrives on attention and being around people.

[Knackeredmum13]

Sorry I should have said that leaving the house at 7am will be when I have to do the nursery drop off too.

[NewJobNewLife]

Sorry ....

We split the day this way. DH drops off in the morning, while I get to work early. I then leave work at 4pm to get back for the 6pm nursery pick up (commute is just under 2 hoists each way).

The DC are in nursery 7am to 6pm to make this work. This is a huge price for them to pay, but I hope it is worth the benefits we will all get from having two professional salaries in the future. TBH the second salary only contributed less than £500 a month for all that effort, but now we have 15 hours free nursery we net a little more. Still not enough to make it seem worth the effort though!

One day, the Childcare costs will reduce further or they would if we weren't expecting a third DC and we'll have the benefits of two salaries. The whole family are currently investing in that 'one day' though, and it isn't easy.

[NewJobNewLife]

I commute for two hours, not two hoists! Two hoists sounds much more manageable!

[Knackeredmum13]

I'd forgotten about the free hours once they turn 3 so thanks for the reminder.

It does seem like a lot of stress and rushing around for that extra £500 I agree. But in the future my wage would be the difference between any DC being able to do clubs and activities etc. I just need to find a balance for these first few years.

[NewJobNewLife]

I know what you mean about the difference the salary will make in the future, that's why I'm doing what I'm doing :)

If you could persuade work to allow you an early start/early finish, could your DH do the morning drop off? I recommend this way round as the evening is generally more time, you get to hear about their day in nursery (once they can talk!), you can do bath if you want, bedtime stories, all that nice stuff. The morning in our house consists of getting two sleepy pre-schoolers dressed and into the car - 40 mins from wake up to leaving the drive, and no one is really conscious during that time! The evenings are definitely more work, but also more rewarding.

With our two hour commutes (we both do it), I can be in work for 8am so I can leave at 4pm to pick up at 6pm. DH drops off at 7am and is then in the office by 9am with no pressure to leave at a specific time. We're able to make it work, but couldn't do it the other way round as DH's employer wasn't at all keen on a 4pm finish time because they know it'd be the end of DH doing 90 hour weeks by staying late

For what it's worth, I'd go nuts as a SAHM. By nature I need external validation in the form of someone else valuing what I do, and by nature DH rarely gives compliments, expresses gratitude or says well done. Going to work gives me a chance to achieve something tangible and receive praise and a salary, where staying at home raising babies and feeding the house would leave me feeling under appreciated and like all my efforts simply meant we didn't slip backwards!

[Tallandgracefulmum]

Sometimes that is the way it is if you do work and the salary is not extremely high. But it won't be for long, it is a long game as others said.
You could use your AL 25 days and if your willing to forgo a weeks holiday etc use 4 days a month to work only 4 days a week, hubby does the same and you only need pay for 3 days childcare for a year. If you really do need to take time off for a holiday or child is sick you can use unpaid parental leave. I advised one of my team who was struggling with 2 kids under 2 and paying 2400 quid per month for full time nursery for a 1 and 2 year old. By using holiday to have Mondays off and her husband using holiday to have Fridays off she cut down her fees to the cost of one child full time and saving herself a grand a month and even more once her eldest turned 3. Sacrificed going on holidays for 2 years only had weekend trips as leave was used as above.