Do you think there comes a point where you're just unemployable/too old for this shit ?

[Mosman]

I landed my dream job or so I thought, brilliant company nice people etc.
After less than 2 months the cracks are showing, the CEO has shown her true colours. The MD likes me but I suspect he will sell out and who could blame him it'll be an up hill battle.

I've got to the point after 5 years of self employment, 2 years back in a shit job where I just keep thinking is it worth the heartache of juggling 4 DC's, all the stress and strain it adds to everyones life for what amounts to £20,000 after tax.
We wouldn't starve without it but life would be difficult.
How do you keep going against the tide, is it the bigger picture, the long term gains v's short term pain.
Somebody tell me it's worth it please ?

[lollystix]

Sun shining here which makes life with the kids much easier and the lifestyle here is brilliant for them but we have earns as much yet been so poor. However in a couple of years time it should come good when I have more at school. Glad I'm here though. I figure it probably would have been hard work for very little take home in the UK plus poo weather which means all spare cash spent in costa and soft play

[Mosman]

Thanks lollystix, I'm sure it'll all be worth while but goodness I'm knackered too.
NZ is no cheaper than Perth then ?
I think we'll take advantage of the exchange rate and try and pay off our UK mortgage and revisit the suitation in 3.5 years. At least the sun is shining here eh ?

[lollystix]

Hey Mosman - just saying hello. We chatted about year ago now. Just sharing your pain really and saying I am also knackered. 4 kids aged 6 to 1 and also emigrated to NZ 9 months ago and now working FT plus a couple of hours per night once DC in bed - 50 hours a week really. Im earning big money on paper but after nanny and rent its minimal. I'm actually 6 weeks into 2nd role as did first for 4 months and hated it. Didn't love boss and company culture drove me mad. I found new role and whilst ive never worked do hard I am loving the role and the people. The change in company has been so refreshing and I feel like myself again. But I'm just fucking tired to be honest. And being foreign is hard work. People talk about places and cultural things that I just don't have the knowledge on. So hello and I share your pain. I'm in it for the long game to be honest. I can't afford to not work and live where we live.

[Mosman]

We are in Australia so from what I can gather they don't really start school until they are 6, something will have to give before then.
Thanks for the virtual back pat

[orangeberries]

Just wanted to say I also have 4 children (8,6,4 and 3) and I work 3 days. Some days I am exhausted so I can imagine how you must feel.

Childcare should reduce considerably when your 2 year old finally goes to school? So you should see a big difference there.

I am considering setting up something in my 2 days off. If you managed to work 3 days you could always try and revive your business in the time off, unless it's a conflict of interest with the current employment of course!!

Good luck with it all, it is hard.

[Mosman]

I think I'm going to soldier on for another six months and review things then. The market will either turn for the better in which case it'll be very worthwhile or else we'll be made redundant anyway so that'll solve that.
Thanks for lending me your ears :-)

[MarshaBrady]

Emigrating is a huge thing. I imagine you left all your established contacts and have to start again?

It is really tough. So hard to know. Maybe have a break, you need space to think. I suppose it's good to take into account future promotions too.

[Mosman]

We emigrated and I hoped that the job would give me permanent residence but I don't think it makes much difference as DH can get all that without me working. Plus I bought into the company and the person is be reporting to but the truth is he is cow tailing to the bitchy CEO, who to be fair today was actually quite nice.
I suppose I'm worried that the market is quite slow at the moment and my contacts aren't that established yet. It's all timing isn't ?

[MarshaBrady]

I'd just go back to SE. If you earned more in a month than you do in a year. It sounds like it was going very well.

Why did you go back to employment?

[Mosman]

What I'm left with after childcare is less than £11,000 which is less than a months self employed work its just having the confidence to take the plunge I guess.

[amidaiwish]

if it's future provision then definitely give this job up and go back to your SE work. Why do you want to bust yourself for £20k for a job like that?

with 4 kids of that age why you're making yours (and everyone else's?) life so difficult i don't know if you don't need the money month on month to get by.

[Mosman]

In terms of reducing childcare costs so it's a bit more worthwhile, would three whole days be better ?

[Mosman]

I think there might have been 12 months ago but the new CEO is a 37 year old childless single woman who has better care for her dog in place than I have for my kids.
I think I'll wait until I've passed my probation period and then have a chat I get the impression part time would be the kiss of death though in this role.

[BackforGood]

Is there not the 'in between' option of going part time ?
Still earning. Perhaps more important at this stage - still keeping up to date with work skills / knowledge / current experience. Still able to access training or meetings to keep your skills up to date, but not doing the full working week (however you negotiate the part-timeness of it), gives you a better work / life balance.

[blueshoes]

Mosman, you have 4 dcs, including a 2 year old. I am amazed you manage to fit the hours in that you do. If you finish at 5, your dcs will see only marginally less of your school age children than if you were at home. So I don't really see the benefit to your dcs if you do quit.

Except of course there will be less pressure on you because you will have more time to supervise homework, fit in household chores and admin when the dcs are at school, if your 2 year old allows.

Do you have a partner who can help out? You should not have to bear the burden alone.

I think it is a good idea to revisit after you have had a break.

[Mosman]

Just to clarify we are both home every night I only work 8.30 til 5 and that's killing me, I don't know how others manage any more hours I really don't

[Mosman]

My pension is the reason I'm dragging myself out of bed at 6am tbh
I am knackered. I guess it's nearly Christmas hopefully the break will do me good and renew my enthusiasm.

[ssd]

jesus bonsoir!

[Bonsoir]

We had friends round for dinner last night whose three children (16, 14 and 10) are up the creek - drugs/expulsion/not working/hospitalised for depression etc etc. The parents know it's because they haven't been there enough for them.

[ssd]

agree teenagers and pre teens need you there more than littlies

op you are only 37 (and making me feel ancient..) dont feel bad,you just sound tired

[blueshoes]

At 37, you have at least 2 decades of working life ahead of you. I would keep my hand in, whether SE or in employment, just to keep my skills up-to-date and have the option of working.

If anything, think of your pension.

[ajandjjmum]

Trouble is, without working, what will you live on?

I've been working now for over 30 years with literally a couple of months off for each DC, and I would LOVE to go on a world tour or something, but I'm too busy working to meet our commitments. It's a prison you get yourself into, because you get used to certain things, so have to keep making the sacrifices to keep them.

I agree with amid - I felt my DC needed me more when they were older than when they were babies. Fortunately, being self-employed, I was able to be flexible up to a point.

[amidaiwish]

well mine are 7 and 9 and they need me at home now more than ever.
when they were pre-schoolers i was working and the childcare filled in for me
suddenly you can't get child cover to replace you as effectively, well in my case anyway.
can't imagine working unless i have to. i would have to earn a lot to make it worth the added stress. saying that i have been SE before and am focusing on building it up again, i don't want to answer to anyone.

[Mosman]

Mine are 12,10,8 and 2
Their behaviour is abysmal right now, can't help thinking there's a link too.

[Mosman]

Mine are 12,10,8 and 2
Their behaviour is abysmal right now, can't help thinking there's a link too.