Can I still be a feminist....confused

[genehuntswife]

Trying to cut a long story short.
I was a SAHM for a long time, loved it and have a fab husband who has always treated me as an equal , finances totally shared etc. When eldest became a teen we moved to a big 4 bed house and I started work as a childminder ( still love it) to help pay for the extra costs.
Eldest has now left home, youngest about to go to uni next year...and I’ve started to get a lot of joint pain , my mum had quite bad arthritis and I think that’s the way I’m heading. So lots of talking with hubby and we’ve decide that next year we’ll sell the house, move to a nice two bedder and I’ll stop working and take on the bulk of the home making and he’ll keep bringing in the money.
I’m happy staying at home, trust him completely financially and it will help a lot not having young children to lift etc.
But..I’m only 47 , just got into feminism and I just have a feeling I’m letting the side down.
I’d like your thoughts please

[Saz432]

Oh I totally get this! I had to stop working years ago due to illness and spent a few years in complete mental crisis over losing my financial independence etc. It was only when I accepted that if the tables were turned I would do the same for my husband without a second thought that I was able to get past it.

If you can afford to not work, you can not work - it's okay! Nothing wrong with it if that's your choice, health issues or not.

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

feminism is also about recognising women's historic contribution to daily life quality through domestic work and child care.

Amen to that

[Rhynswynd]

I see feminism as having the choice to do what you want and what suits you. If staying home suits you tgen that us perfect. If you desperately wanted to be out working and your dh wouldn't let you that would obviously be a problem.
Feminism is about that choice (as well as loads of other stuff)

[Ineedacupofteadesperately]

MrsTerryPratchett - spot on! That's my feminism too. I wish we lived in a world where unpaid caring work was valued as much as paid work (especially given that a lot of paid work is actually less essential than unpaid caring). Sadly, we don't yet.

[DeleteOrDecay]

I am a sahm and consider myself to be a radical feminist. It may not be a 100% feminist choice but ultimately it’s what works best for our family at this point in time.

You can still be a feminist whilst also understanding and being aware that some of the choices you make don’t happen in a vacuum and they may not be a completely feminist choice.

Also what pratchett said.

[Xenophile]

One of the most outspoken and radical feminists I know is a SAHM. It isn't unfeminist to choose to stay at home at all.

All I would say is to keep your skills up with regard to your job, just in case. Sorry, horrible to think about.

[Branleuse]

Being a SAHM has got nothing to do with being feminist or not, unless you feel pressurised into doing it against your will.

[Tealdeal747]

It's anti feminist who tell women feminists can't be sahm

[genehuntswife]

You're all awesome...

[NameChangeFamousFolk]

The feminists I know didn't stop being feminists when they stopped working to raise their children.

You can do the family laundry, cook for them and support your working DH and STILL be a feminist, without question.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Cheers @ISaySteadyOn

I’ll knock off a quick manifesto!

[minipie]

I get what you mean. I've recently quit a City career to be a SAHM. DH and I share all money and our contributions are equally valued... but I still feel sad that I've added to the statistics of couples where the woman stopped work and the man didn't (iyswim) and the statistics of City career women who stopped working post DC. The feminist in me would have liked to buck those trends and weigh in on the other side.

[ISaySteadyOn]

MrsTerryPratchett, that's my feminism too. Thanks for articulating it so well.

[wrappedupinmyselflikeaspool]

*oops sorry I've posted that on the wrong thread

[Apileofballyhoo]

What everyone else said. Also try these.

www.boots.com/gopo-capsules-120-capsules-10054053

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Feminism values the unpaid work women do. So does your partner from the sounds of it.

Feminism (mine - I can't speak for others) isn't about turning all women into the ideal of what a man should be; independent, hard-working, strong, self-reliant, emotionally crippled. And turning the world into a place where we still only care about winning and losing, just making sure women win as much. It's about remaking the world as a place where everyone's contributions are valued. Anyone can be strong, caring, kind, active, passive as they see fit. Our systems become about finding a consensus and solutions, rather than the adversarial systems we have now. Where happiness, safety, non-violence are more important than power and money. Where all people; children, people with disabilities everyone, is valued and has what they need.

At the moment, the system doesn't really value unpaid work and people with disabilities. Your DH does. He's ahead of the curve.

[MrsJayy]

I meant work sorry

[MrsJayy]

Of course women with disabilities wwho can't/don't can be feminist I don't earn my own money but I still contriibute to society and I don't feel like I amkept either. I think you should take a deep breath about your change of lifestyle and be kind to yourself,

[OlennasWimple]

My vision for a feminist utopia includes valuing the contribution that people make by running a household / carrying out other domestic duties.

[IAmTheDragon]

The whole point of feminism (my beliefs in feminism anyway) is the empowerment of women to do whatever the fuck they want/need to do without judgment for the gender.

You can 100% be a feminist stay-at-homer. You can be a feminist if you choose that option, and you can definitely definitely be a feminist if you're forced to choose it because of pain.

[wrappedupinmyselflikeaspool]

It is difficult or uncomfortable relying on a man financially if your values are geared towards feminism but you are a partnership and feminism is also about recognising women's historic contribution to daily life quality through domestic work and child care. People can contribute to society in all sorts of ways, not just financial, in fact too much emphasis is put on earning a lot of money and too little on putting in time to making life worth living.
I wonder if there's something you could do, some kind of activism or practical support you could offer that would help you put feminism into practice? What makes you a feminist? Is there a particular aspect that interests you, such as male violence or FGM or reproductive rights? Or could you support women and girls in a different way, by becoming a mentor for a teenage girl, or a phone line volunteer for a rape crisis or domestic violence helpline?

[NoLoveofMine]

Sorry to read of your arthritis. I hope the move to a new home will help. It's not your fault you're having to give up a job you love doing - your own health is the most important thing and you've made a joint decision with this in mind. None of this negates your feminism in any way. Hope you have a nice weekend!

[genehuntswife]

That’s what I was thinking of doing salmon, I’m realky exited to have the time to study and volunteer. And gybegirl, what wise words, of course I’d do it for him, that’s settled a lot of things in my mind...thank you

[gybegirl]

Would you begrudge him if the circumstances were opposite? If not, of course you can still be a feminist. Its about the freedom to make choices and equality of opportunity in my book.