Moments of unintended sexism

[guinnessgirl]

So I've been a card-carrying, loud and proud feminist for a good ten years now. I grew up not questioning a lot of the everyday hidden sexism in society, but I like to think that I'm now fully aware and 'reformed'.

Imagine, then, my shame at something that occurred this morning. I took my car to Halfords for a small replacement part and paid for it to be fitted too. I was told a colleague was on their way so was waiting patiently, when a young female member of staff appeared in front of me. One second later I realised to my utter horror that I had assumed she was coming to work on the till, and my subconscious mind was waiting for a man

Anyone else had a moment like this where you realise that the sexism ingrained into society is still lurking away in hidden corners of your thinking?

[rivierliedje]

Ophelia I'm a GP. We don't have nurses, so they don't call me nurse, but I do get tons of patiënts who call me mrs or even miss sometimes, rather than doctor (not in the UK, it's a standard way of adressing someone who's name you don't know). I was pleasantly surprised once when a small child called me miss and their father corrected them to doctor.
It annoys the hell out of me.

[howmanyairmiles]

I have seen female security guards, body guards and bouncers.

An old wegie mate is now a bodyguard for a celeb, she started out as a bouncer at a club I used to go to.

She had an interesting upbringing, having 5 brothers and a dockworker as a father, she had a penchant for violence and relished a good scrap.

[dontcallmecis]

Yes, more often than I'd like.

I'm just as susceptible to social conditioning as the next feminist. I try to do better.

[backinthebox]

I'm a pilot. The public still struggle to get their head round it, but my colleagues are mostly very unbiased. I am regularly asked by passengers for a cup of tea. You can trust me to land the plane, but you honestly don't want me making you tea!

[Bumbledumb]

I am regularly asked by passengers for a cup of tea.

Aren't you supposed to be flying the aircraft?

[Keepithidden]

They've got autopilot when they're up in the air!

[InternationalHouseofToast]

I had the same experience - went to Halfords to get a couple of bulbs replaced (in my defence it was a new car and I wasn't sure how to get to them). Paid for the bulbs and fitting and the mechanic who came out was about 19 and female. I sat in the car wondering why I was paying for someone not unlike me to fit the bulbs when I could get out, watch what she was doing and fit them myself next time.

I've worked with a number of female security guards - they often have better interpersonal skills than their male colleagues and diffuse situations better.

[Naoko]

I was at an outdoor event last weekend and was pleased to notice that a substantial proportion of their (volunteer) maintenance/setup/tractor driving/electrics crew is female. Then I felt bad for noticing at all I think it's ok though, I was pleased and surprised to see a more even split of men and women in these traditionally male roles, rather than thinking there was anything wrong?

[backinthebox]

Even more frequently than being asked for cups of tea, I am asked what I am doing out of the cockpit - shouldn't I be flying the plane?

In what is often over 12 hours at work overnight we are sometimes allowed to have a loo break or make ourselves a drink or even a little walk round so we don't get DVTs! Also there are always at least 2 pilots, and sometimes as many as 4, on every flight as the autopilot doesn't do everything. I realise passengers would rather we were catheterised and superglued to our seats and fed food on trays slid under the flight deck door, but we are human beings and need to be treated like human beings. It is simply not possible to start work in the evening of day 1 and still be at work the following lunchtime without leaving the confines of the flight deck.

[backinthebox]

I own a tractor too, btw, and did a stint as a security guard while at university.

[ElizabethBridget]

This is a quote from the proposed new contract for doctors in England (who are not yet consultants or GPs)

"Any indirect adverse effect on women is a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim. Whilst this may disadvantage lone parents (who are disproportionately female) due to the increased cost of paid childcare in the evenings and weekend, in some cases this may actually benefit other women, for example where individuals have partners, it may be easier to make informal, unpaid childcare arrangements in the evenings and weekends than it is during the week due to the increased availability of partners and wider family networks at weekends and in the evenings"

I'd be interested to hear what you think about this, obviously intended, sexism.

[NeverEverAnythingEver]

"... benefit other women, for example where individuals have partners, it may be easier to make informal, unpaid childcare arrangements in the evenings and weekends than it is during the week due to the increased availability of partners..."

Is this still assuming that the woman's career is again secondary, that she can't work when her partner is working at the More Important Job?

[VestalVirgin]

Oh I love it when this happens! I always think to myself "I'm in good hands". I guess that's sexist too, just the other way.

No, that's a natural assumption based on statistical probability.

Men do the "kill everyone who is unlucky enough to be connected to me, so that I can make my own suicide seem more important" thing far more frequently. In fact, I don't know about a single case where a woman did it. And considering the male versus the female crime rate, that can't just be down to the rarity of female captains.

[ElizabethBridget]

Yes indeed

[AyeAmarok]

Vestal That's a very good point.

Although, for me, my increased comfort upon hearing I have a female pilot is also to do with the fact that I believe that a male pilot needs to be "good enough" to be accepted for the training etc for a pilot. Women not only have to pass all the aptitude tests etc, but also have to so good in interviews to overcome all the unconscious bias based on them being women.

And this often applies to other professions too, I think there is an additional hurdle for women to get over to get in these positions.

[SeraOfeliaFalfurrias]

I don't think anyone should worry about their unconscious bias as long as they recognise it for what it is and check themselves. I read something recently that said your initial response to a situation is just your social conditioning. Your next response is who you actually are and what you really believe. I like that idea.

[backinthebox]

There is less unconscious bias among flight crew than you think. Experienced pilots run the interviews for new pilots. When it comes to initial selection and also our 6-monthly checks you pass by being good enough. You don't have to try harder because you are female. The reason there are fewer female pilots is not because they have to do more to impress at interview but because for some reason women just don't apply for the job. With one very notable exception the only sexist comments I have ever received in nearly 20 years in my job have been from the public, who struggle to understand that there is not the bias in flying that there might be elsewhere.

[hulahula10]

Sorry to bring this thread back up but I'm often on the other end of this situation, I am a greengrocer and when customers ask for a sack of potatoes, we take it out to their car for them.

The looks and comments I get just because I'm a woman carrying a 25kg sack of potatoes is madness, at least 1 in 2 - from both men and women.

Usually 'I thought you would have got one of the lads to do that' 'nope '