Are you a woman or a lady?

[juneau]

Speech therapist was using cards this week with DS that had 'man' 'lady' 'girl' and 'boy' on them. I pointed out that it should really say 'woman' and that I always refer to adult females that way, but ST looked baffled. Surely it's man and woman, gentleman and lady? Also, generally speaking I slightly bristle when called a 'lady'. It just seems a bit old-fashioned and condescending and if a man is a man, why isn't a woman a woman. Am I being weird? Please don't be too fierce, I think this is my first time on the feminism branch (although why, I don't know, since I'm definitely a feminist!)

[nooka]

Ryvita would you say

There's a gentleman here who would like to speak to you? If so then lady is fine. If you'd say 'man' then you should feel as comfortable saying 'woman'

[juneau]

I would say 'There's a woman here to see you'.

[meditrina]

You don't "have" to call anyone a lady (unless perhaps you know them to be an aristocrat, and titles are being used).

"There's someone waiting to see you" - if you must, because there is nothing wrong with saying "woman" whether within earshot or not.

[CaptChaos]

I'm perfectly happy with calling adult women, women, even when they're in earshot. Why would it be a problem?

[Fairenuff]

So what do you call a woman when referring to her, in her earshot.

There's a woman here waiting to see you
There's a lady here who would like to speak to you

If it is a man, I always say, 'There's a gentleman waiting to see you'

[Fideline987654321]

The one context in which I consistently have/would use(d) lady & gentleman is when speaking to under 8s, particularly when talking to under 8s within earshot of said lady-woman or gentle-man.

I'm just tring to think if there are any other examples of vocab I consider well-mannered to/from small children that would sound outdated/twee/parochial/patronising in conversation between adults .

Anyone else do the same?

[maillotjaune]

I'm a woman, and I refer to other adult females as women too.

My sons use 'lady' or 'woman' interchangeably and I don't really care - but the never call women 'girls' which is the thing that does piss me off.

[Brittapieandchips]

I had two exes that would tell me off for calling myself a lady, because apparently that's only the nobility

I used to be a bit uncomfortable calling myself a woman, so I went for 'girl' until I had a word with myself.

I would generally call someone I don't know 'that lady' though.

[NotCitrus]

While instinctively I'd use woman and man, I spend a lot of time reminding young children to "mind that man" but connotations mean yelling "mind that woman" sounds rude, as if it's the woman's fault she's in the way, in a way man doesn't imply. So I use lady, but gentleman is too long to yell.
I tried saying 'person' partly as I'm terrible at telling the difference between men and women anyway, but generally it gets even more filthy looks than sometimes getting sex wrong.

[PosyFossilsShoes]

Definitely a woman not a laydee.

However "that woman" is often used as an insult. Someone said to a small child pratting around in Tesco the other day "Mind that woman!" (meaning me) then looked horrified and did "Lady! I meant lady!" leading to me doing "No, no, woman is fine, I actually prefer woman!" and awkward all round.

[WowOoo]

I often refer to other women as 'lady' to my children

'Watch out for the lady/woman on the bike, boys'
'Stand up so this lady/woman can sit down, boys' etc etc

I'm sure we haven't offended anyone when I chose 'lady' option.

I refer to myself as a woman.
Someone at the door would be someone. But on the phone it's woman or man.
Interesting, Juneau.

[Dervel]

Just out of interest how would you prefer to be addressed by men? I use woman/lady interchangeably and the occasional girls in context of things like "girls night out" where "boys night out" is the obvious opposite.

I don't worry overmuch about the distinction between lady/woman, as it really isn't all that hard to apologize if someone prefers one over the other enough to make mention of it.

[ezinma]

'Woman' is the neutral term, for use in all contexts. 'Lady' is historically more formal, and outside of set contexts it can sound patronising in a kind of over-chivalrous, cap-doffing way. I've no objection to 'lass' or other regional terms, but I'm still trying to get over my discomfort at being included in the collective 'guys'.

There really isn't a satisfactory equivalent for 'guy', 'bloke' or 'dude' (let alone 'mate' or 'pal') — there are numerous informal colloquialisms for referring to (other) men, but 'lady' and 'girl' both imply hierarchy, and words like 'babe' and 'chick' can only be used ironically, as 'reclaimed' words.

[catsofa]

"There's somebody here to see you."

I'm a woman, which sounds to me like a plain statement of fact, rather than a lady which sounds to me like it contains overtones of expectations about behaviour and "niceness" which may or may not apply to any given woman and certainly usually not this one.

[Solopower1]

I hate the way the police use female and male, but at least they do it for everyone.

[whatdoesittake48]

If you know someone - use their name. In all other circumstances say "woman".

That said I am certainly guilty of describing women as ladies to my children. it has a nicer tone to it and makes the child think of someone who is kind and sweet. Obviously that has been drummed into us all and there is no reason why a woman should sound harsh - other than convention.

However with adults, there is no need to use the term lady - and we need to change the notion that lady equals nice...

Oh and I really hate when there are two toilet doors - one says men and the other says ladies...

[MagnaCharge]

I really really don't like woman, I find it uncomfortable I actually , and I am aware this isn't the case, associate it with sex. I find it a inappropriate word for adressing someone. You know like in popular culture the idea of becoming a woman is often linked to beginning sexual relationships. I find it embarrassing and uncomfortable if someone suggests I am a woman. I am an adult, so not a girl nor am I a lady in the strict sense.

My preference would be person, but if it has to be woman or lady I would use lady.

[TooOldForGlitter]

I thought about starting a thread here earlier today, but wimped out changed my mind, after I was called 'young lady' by a male manager in furniture shop. I bristled because it felt SO patronising, like the way you talk to a cheeky 10 yo, but I couldn't decide if I was being ridiculous. Hmm.

[Mignonette]

I bristle at lady and most of my friends do so too. I do recall my Eng Lit professor friend stating that she wouldn't want to pass anybody using the term 'Lady' in any essay unless it referred to the dog in the Disney film .

[FyreFly]

Can't we be both?

I use gentleman / lady in polite or formal conversation with strangers (i.e if I'm behind the bar, I'd say "Can you just serve that gentleman/lady?" to my colleague). I use man / woman in an informal capacity (i.e. "the man/woman on table x says the steak was lovely").

It's just polite, surely?

"Young lady", on the other hand, is a whole new kettle of fish once you're past about 15. V patronising.

[emcwill74]

I can't bear being called a lady. It carries too many patronising connotations: 'a drink for the lady' (cos we need something sweet, maybe pink, in a special glass); 'not in front of the ladies' (we may swoon if we hear swear words) etc. For me it's a divisive term that suggests we are the other and men have to adapt their default behaviour to accommodate us, until we all leave the room and they can go back to swearing and smoking their cigars in peace and not offend our delicate sensibilities.

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

You're right OP, man/woman gentleman/lady.

I quite like the word lady though, not being British it doesn't have any of the history with me that some people seem to associate with it..just sounds a bit fancier I say gentleman too but not as often as it seems to sound a bit old fashioned because don't say it as often as lady.

I think I probably use both when talking about people older than myself