My feed

to access all these features

Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Ask your husband and see what he thinks.....argh!

22 replies

bluebell30 · 22/11/2012 22:20

Sorry I had to vent somewhere! A few weeks ago I went into a carpet shop to choose some flooring which I picked then went to order. Whilst ordering it the salesman gave me a quote and told me to take it away and speak nicely to my husband! (I was paying for it myself with my own money as I'm the higher earner and he didn't show an interest in comming to pick a carpet so was happy for me to do it without input) I took the quote and left feeling belittled and angry. Lets just say I got one elsewhere!
A few days ago I had arranged for a tv company to come round and quote me for mooving our sky points etc and mounting our tv. I received the following comments, "thats a good tv where did your husband get it?" (I bought it before we met), "heres our quote see what your husband says tonight".
I wouldn't be so annoyed if I actually had a husband but do they not think a female is capable of buying and funding anything on her own, for all they knew I might live on my own.
I also get comments from other Mums when they come round asking what my partner does, knobody asks what I do! And I've bought every bl*y item in the house. Fed up that everyone assumes it must be the male that owns the property, buys everything, keeps his little woman bla bla!

OP posts:
bluebell30 · 22/11/2012 22:22

moving not mooving

OP posts:
southeastastra · 22/11/2012 22:23

that's vv bad!

sausagesandwich34 · 22/11/2012 22:28

I work in sales and we ask everyone if there is anyone they need to discuss the decision with -we would never tell someone to go and talk to their husband

I also hate the presumption
I complained to Premier Inn about something -the room was booked in the name of miss sausage, the card belonged to miss sausage -email address they had was very clearly miss sausage's email

email was addressed to 'Mr Sausage' and apparently they were going to action a refund onto Mr Sausage's card!!!

I rang them up wanting to know why they are giving my dad money when I had been the one with the issue Grin

blueshoes · 22/11/2012 22:31

Are there a lot of working mothers where you live? If most of them are SAHMs, I guess that is the reason for the assumption. Do they not know you work?

As for the tradesmen, not worth wasting your time worrying about what they think.

whistlestopcafe · 22/11/2012 22:31

I received a call from a cold caller selling double glazing, rather than hang up on her I agreed to book an appointment as we needed new windows. When I said that dh would not be present at the meeting the woman refused to book an appointment for a sales visit. She said unfortunately they find that women get carried away and fail to check the finances with their husbands therefore it was company policy that they would only deal with the man of the house.

I was astonished. I imagine most people hang up on the sales person before they have even finished their sentence and yet I was a potential customer, unfortunately of the wrong gender.

blueshoes · 22/11/2012 22:32

I live in London. I don't really get that much of this husband as king-of-the-castle assumptions. Maybe because I am not around much at home during the day!

EduCated · 22/11/2012 22:38

Blushoes What difference would it make if they were SAHMs?

LastMangoInParis · 22/11/2012 22:38

Was also wondering where you live, OP (but too polite to ask).
It sounds as if you've experienced some horrible form of time travel. Sad

ForkInTheForeheid · 22/11/2012 22:48

whistlestopcafe please name and shame that company, that's utterly disgraceful.

Flutterbutterby · 22/11/2012 22:59

When fitting new internal doors the carpenter asked me "where would 'John' like the handles Mrs Butter?" despite me having shown him where I, decision maker on these things, wanted the handles. "Well, discuss it with 'John' Mrs Butter and he can tell me tomorrow". After telling DH where I wanted them he then told carpenter in the morning. Perhaps if I'd not been on mat leave (thus at home during the day) it would have helped as our paths would not have crossed.

GrimmaTheNome · 22/11/2012 23:10

I think most double glazing companies are like that. You probably have to grit your teeth and both be there but the retaliation is that you plan a double act of looking very dubious as though one of you is going to say no to get the agent to go through his inevitable 'ring my manager' ...'special deal if you sign today' malarky. They are incapable of selling their product straightforwardly for a sensible price in the first place.

I've not had too much of that sort of crap myself - I hope that if I ever do encounter it I'll tell them straight. Preferably within earshot of their manager.

sashh · 23/11/2012 06:01

My dad used to sell central heatting. He alsways wanted the couple to be there (if it was a couple) because if there was only one person then inevitably the other person would think of something to aks that the first one hadn't.

TheSkiingGardener · 23/11/2012 06:20

I had that with a double glazing company. I asked if they therefore refused to quote to women who lived on their own. They said no. I said that the company had been recommended to me and that I wanted a quote from them but refused to deal with their ridiculous rules about needing my husband there and put the phone down.

5 minutes later they called back and said the manager had given "special dispensation" for a salesmen to come out to me. Lucky me, eh!

TheOriginalLadyFT · 23/11/2012 08:12

We had a kitchen company come out recently to do a design and quote - the salesman got out of the car and asked where my husband was as his first question. When I said he was elsewhere and that I was project managing the cottage conversion they were quoting for, he tutted and said I should call my husband as "he'll need to approve the cost"

I thought for a moment he was joking - after all, I'd just told him I was the project manager - but no. So I told him "you've got the organ grinder, you don't need the monkey as well" and mentally decided there and then they would not be getting the job

I don't care what their company guidelines are, or their previous experiences - I had clearly told him I was the project manager

ZenNudist · 23/11/2012 08:19

I use 'I'll discuss it with my dh' as a way of buying time to make a decision. Also where double glazing asking to see husband as well, my dh has been in same boat when kitchen companies and lift insulators wouldn't come round without us both being there, regardless of him being the man. I think some companies know that they can put the hard sell on if both decision makers are present.

As for using language like 'ask your husband nicely' or 'man of the house', that's not on.

blueshoes · 23/11/2012 08:27

As regards assumptions by other mothers, if you live in an area that has a high SAHM population (for example a commuter town to London), then more likely the mothers will assume your dh is a breadwinner.

I live fairly centrally in London where there are a good number of dual working parents. I have not had another mother asking what my husband does. The conversation would naturally relate to our circumstances work-wise, not our respective husbands'.

tisnottheseasonyet · 25/11/2012 20:19

Would you not wish your husband to discuss it with you if he buying it?

EduCated · 25/11/2012 20:32

tisnot Yes I would. Except I would hope that my nonexistent DH and I would be capable of discussing decisions between ourselves beforehand. I do not need sales assistants to mediate my relationships Hmm

It also assumes that you are married. Plus it's rather unlikely that they'd have asked a man if he wanted to discuss it with his wife.

bluebell30 · 26/11/2012 11:30

We live in a small rural village but there are some other working mums although I seldom see them because there at work obviously. I do a few days in work but work at home some days so it maybe doesn't appear that I work (not that theres anything wrong with that) I'm always at school pick up etc. I'd like to say I'm shocked by your stories but it doesn't surprise me, I spared yous my story about the time I went to a car dealership!!! My fiancé and I do discuss items we are buying but a beige carpet is just a beige carpet. He was quite happy choosing a shed on his own, I bet they didn't ask him to speak nicely to his wife!

OP posts:
samandi · 26/11/2012 13:20

That's rather blatant. Where do you live? I wouldn't be ordering a carpet from that place. The TV might be more problematic to go elsewhere. Either way I would be writing to complain.

I used to live in London and didn't experience any of that kind of sexism. Now I've moved out I've noticed little bits and pieces. Especially, for some reason, all the workmen around here refer to me as "Mrs DP Name". It's two rather incredible assumptions that (i) I'm married to DP, and (ii) that I'd take his name if I was. But it's not offensive enough for me to kick up a fuss and I correct them politely.

Your situations are rather different and are extremely offensive. I do wonder when I hear things like this if these companies actually want any business.

She said unfortunately they find that women get carried away and fail to check the finances with their husbands therefore it was company policy that they would only deal with the man of the house.

samandi · 26/11/2012 13:21

Sorry, am so speechless at above I forgot to write any comment!

HalloweenNameChange · 28/11/2012 16:36

This is one those times where if you think logically it could totally make sense that they want both partners there, so much easier to give the hard sale.. and no excuse later for you to back out after "talking to your partner". The problem is I don't know any men this has happened to. It leads me to believe that they get aggressive with women on their own who acquiesce and then call back later and say "wern't allowed".

Clearly the companies have taken this on board and rather than change their abusive sales practices they realized that they should be bullying both partners at the same time?


Don’t want to miss threads like this?


Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.