contraception and menstruation

[falasportugues]

These days we have a choice of contraception, some of which can stop us menstruating, and some of which don't. I have preferred in the past to continue having periods, because I think it is important to be aware of my hormonal cycle. Do any ladies here have any other arguments for and against menstruating? It's renewal time, and I'd like some different perspectives to help me decide. I realise I could have put this on the family planning topic, but I would appreciate a feminist views on this issue. Thank you.

[Himalaya]

I remember when I had a diaphragm in my 20s - I was told to put it in each night, spermicidal jelly and all "like brushing your teeth". Which seemed like a huge palaver. But on the other hand stopping the action once you've decided to have some impromptu sex to go wrestle with springy massive bit of plastic and jelly in the shared bathroom of your flat is a bit of a passion killer. I think that's why it's just not so popular, or reliable.

The only time I've had contraception 'pushed' on me was straight after having my DCs (that ridiculous conversation in the hospital where the midwife asks about contraception and you think "Do you think I'm ever going to have sex again after that experience?!?" )I guess the reason they do it though is because of the health, mental health and child welfare risks for women who fall pregnant again before their bodies have recovered.

My impression is that most IUD/mirena users have had children already (not sure if that's true, just from experience/friends) and don't view their cervix in quite the same way. A bit of plastic/copper seems like not such a big deal now, but I don't I would have had one put in before I'd given birth. I am really happy with mu Mirena, but I know it doesn't work for all. I was quite looking forward to the prospect of no periods, but that hasnt happened for me.

[HerBeX]

I never quite got that advice about putting it in every night ("what if I'm not going to have sex?" was always the question that sprung to mind). It's no more a passion killer putting a diaphragm in, than putting a condom on and can be part of the action as it were...

[HerBeX]

The only other prob I once had with a diaphragm was tht it kept causing cystitis as it was pressing on my bladder or sth but I think it was because it was the wrong size

[MrsTittleMouse]

I used to put mine in every night - but then, that was before we had children and so sex was much higher up on the agenda than sleep! :)

I am always surprised at how many women seem to feel uncomfortable about having a feel around "up there". Applicator tampons are really bad at their job, in my experience, and the only advantage is that you can do it all without touching yourself. The same goes for Mooncups - so many threads where women have an instinctive "yuk!" reaction. :(

Are things worse now than they were "in my day"? Are younger women more embarrassed/awkward about these things?

Regarding STDs, by the way, there is a massive increase in older people (often divorced and on the dating scene again for the first time in years). So it's not just the younger generation who aren't protecting themselves.

[londonone]

Dittany - I have contact lenses that are actually implanted into my eyeball and will be there permanently or until I want to remove them. I consider this to be fantastic for me as I can see things without the aid of specs.

I also have a mirena coil which has been the best thing ever as far as I am concerned as I hav gone from being depressed and in pain for several days ach month to bing on an even keel and pain free. I am dreading having it removed when we ttc.

Also interested in your statement

"Has anybody mentioned having sex without penetration?

Given the risks it involves for women it's amazing how many women still happily go through it. The costs that women pay for penetrative sex (when they aren't TTC) are not in any way outweighed by its benefits. Most women don't even orgasm through penetration."

What exactly are the risks and costs you talk of?

[HerBeX]

MrsTM - yes, WTF is going on? Why ar people so squeamish about touching themselves? Do they not wank? WTF?

Sorry but this really flummoxes me.

[londonone]

don't know about you HerBex but when I wank it certainly dosn't ivolve reaching my cervix!

[HerBeX]

True Londonone, but still... all part of the same area? What's the big deal? Why are these women so squeamish? Lots of them are happy to have men put their fingers in there, why not their own? It's just so ... odd. I have never quite got it. I get it if you're not happy to have other people's fingers or penises in there, but not if you are happy to have their's but not your own. Why would you trust someone else to touch you there but not yourself?

[HerBeX]

Tht list of potential side effects on that vaginal ring was kind of faint-inducing for me.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Certainly penetrative sex is very important for me. It doesn't always result in an orgasm, but it scratches an itch that I can't satisfy any other way.

Which reminds me of another gem from the medical profession post-birth:-

Me: I can't have sex, the scarring in my vagina is just too painful.
MW: You just need to have sex.
Me: Sorry, you don't understand, it really is agony to have sex. It's isn't "just a bit sore at first and then it eases", it's just too painful.
MW: Yes, and the way to ease the pain is to have lots of penetrative sex.

I felt as though she was telling me to be raped by my husband on a regular basis. How else could it feel when I was in agony and my husband was carrying on regardless (even if it would help, which was actually very doubtful in my case)? How could we ever have loving sex again after we'd been through that?

[londonone]

Thank you for explaining what you meant dittany.

In some ways I agree but IMO there are many reasons women choose to have sex other than the pursuit of orgasm. Of course many STDs can be transmitted through all forms of sexual contact not simply penetration.

[HerBeX]

Dittany I think there's something in that.

So many women are so alienated from their own bodies.

[londonone]

HerBeX - no I don't get it either! But having had quite severe back problems I can tell you that when your back won't bend it's tricky to change a tampont let alone get to know your cervix better! Or maybe I just have short arms!

[MrsTittleMouse]

But why?

I mean, it used to be because society was so hung up on "Christian" values and "nice girls don't" and abstinence before marriage. Wanking making you feeble and all that. But that isn't the case now. Why are women so squeamish about their own bodies?

[HerBeX]

LOL yes back probs I can understand.

But it's depressing how many young women feel that their sexual organs are somehow separate and far away from them, not part of them

When you compare to how men are always touching their private parts...

[londonone]

I think some men are worried they will fall off if they don't hang onto thm constantly!

[MrsTittleMouse]

I also wonder if more teenage girls were masturbating then would they be more in charge of their sexuality and their own pleasure. If you are reliant on your male partner for an orgasm, then that really gives him a lot of power over you.

[floyjoy]

dittany Because our vaginas don't belong to us.
That is a great sentence.

From childhood we are conditioned to feel like our vaginas are somehow separate from us, something that only need to be considered when we menstruate (and not even then really - we just need to deal with what comes out of them), then when we are expected to have sex with men, then with childbirth. It's terrible to be so disconnected.

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

I don't use hormonal contraceptives and haven't done for more than 20 years - partly because I found I got depressed, bloaty and lost my libido, more importantly I do not engage in monogamous relationships so use condoms ie only picking up and using a contraceptive when I want to have PIV, which was never predictable.
I have used a diapraghm in the past: for one thing I found it very handy if I wanted to have PIV sex during a period, so much less hard on the bedding!
However, if there was something that could be done to reduce the number of periods, but which didn't have tiresome side effects, I would be well up for a dose of that: i can't say I have any great mystical Womynly attachment to all the mess and palaver once a month even though mine have generally been fairly trouble free.
Still, on current form I will be getting my wish to do without fairly soon anyway...

[Nameforaday]

Dittany,

But a lot of women use an iud/mirena without negative side effects. For them it is worth it. Actually for me it's not so much the sex that is worth it (although it is nice, but I'd have the same sex any way just with condoms, diaphragm etc..) it is more the not having to think about it for 5 years which is brilliant... And the ability for your rational family-planning self to make a decision, and not have to rely on your irrational, biologically driven self to carry it through.

[GothAnneGeddes]

I do wish that PIV wasn't viewed as the pinnicle of physical intimacy, there are lots of other things you can do. However, I do enjoy it tremendously, mentally, emotionally and physically.

I've read the argument before that it's risks outweigh the benefits for women because of the risks of dying due to pregnancy, but isn't that an argument to improve maternity and family planning services, rather then ask women to stop doing something that many do find pleasurable?