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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

"You're a very pretty girl." (vaguely pointless ranting)

26 replies

NacMacFeegle · 23/05/2011 22:08

How do you feel when men say things like that to you?

I get the feeling I'm supposed to blush girlishly, giggle, and twirl a little, at the very least.

What I actually do is guffaw, and say "Fuck off." Grin Followed by a lecture, if I like them. Wink

Apparently this is breaking some rule, and I should be flattered - and "have to understand" that they just can't help objectifying looking at my breasts being unable to manage not thinking about sex for a bloody minute finding women attractive.

I'm 34. I'm not a girl. And "pretty" is just fucking offensive, to my mind.

Anyway, I am just venting here, I shall trot back off to educate the drinkers of Ireland, one wanker at a time. Grin

OP posts:
fluffles · 23/05/2011 22:09

OMG! nobody has said that to me since i was about 12. Thank goodness!

NacMacFeegle · 23/05/2011 22:18

It's getting really tedious!

I am also getting "cute."

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mynameisplonker · 23/05/2011 22:19

Wish someone would say that to me Sad

NacMacFeegle · 23/05/2011 22:20

I realise I seem churlish, but it's actually kind of dismissive, IMO. Like, reminding me I am female in a male environment. Maybe I'm overthinking.

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Hassled · 23/05/2011 22:21

If someone told me I was cute I think I might punch them. But "Pretty" - is it really that bad?

I'll give you "girl" though. And if someone calls me "darling" I glower at them.

everyspring · 23/05/2011 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/05/2011 05:28

I thought - and this is based on nothing more concrete than my affection for old episodes of Father Ted - that a 'lovely girl' was a fairly ordinary thing to say in Ireland... etc. I've always found the response 'thank you' brings the conversation to a pleasant halt but will admit that, now that I'm way past 40, the opportunities are few and far between. Enjoy it while it lasts, perhaps?

MummyBerryJuice · 24/05/2011 08:39

It is dismissive and I HATE it. I'm not a girl FFS, I'm a woman and a mother and an intelligent, enquiring, adult member of society (not that girls aren't intelligent or enquiring - I can see I'm tying myself into knots here Confused)

The whole 'pretty girl' thing is just a way to patronise one. If someone HAS to comment on appearance (and tbh, I can't really imagine any situation where it is really appropriate) surely the choice of words should be 'attractive woman'.

However, this is one of my BIG bugbears. I'm not a girl, and haven't been for almost 2 decades.I hate it when I get called one!

TrillianAstra · 24/05/2011 08:47

What circumstances are you in that that would ever appear as a sentence?

Sounds like something someone's grandma might say.

MummyBerryJuice · 24/05/2011 08:52

Oh, my FIL has said something like that to me in one of his spectacularly patronising, misogynist moments.

MooncupGoddess · 24/05/2011 09:14

Ah yes. Along with, 'You're a very pretty girl, why aren't you married?' which is a non-sequitur if I ever heard one. Angry

unclefester77 · 24/05/2011 09:16

I would say 'p* off.'

exoticfruits · 24/05/2011 09:19

No one has said it-but not worth the bother-say 'thank you' move on and change the subject.

slug · 24/05/2011 09:24

"I'm not a girl, I'm a fully menstruating woman" Said with the steely tone that makes 6th formers quiver. Works every time. Men who make comments like that hate being reminded that women bleed. There's something squeamish about them. Wink

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/05/2011 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

higgle · 24/05/2011 09:27

I'm not beautiful, my figure is not the best in the world but I do have something nice about my appearance that the word "pretty" seems to fit. When people comment on this I'm always quite pleased - especially as I'm getting on a bit.

MollysChamber · 24/05/2011 09:31

Oh I'm quite delighted. Sorry.

The girl thing is annoying. The pretty thing is pleasing.

I am a bit vain.

OddBoots · 24/05/2011 09:32

It's something that gets said to me several times a week but then it is said by an old chap with dementia so I don't read anything into the saying of it.

HaughtyChuckle · 24/05/2011 10:28

'girl' is a bit Hmm but you'll miss it whenh people stop saying you're pretty

I don't think I've met a woman who hasnt said that even 'enpowered' women

enjoy it its nice (apart from girl) 'pretty' is nice better than 'ur fit bbz'

blackcurrants · 24/05/2011 13:38

slug I think I love you!

I've used "now I've pushed a baby through my vagina, I think I'm qualified as "woman" - don't you?" but I can see how it makes motherhood the qualification for NOT BEING CALLED 'GIRL' DAMNIT - which of course, it shouldn't be. I love slug's version and will be using it, forthwith!

thaigreencurry · 24/05/2011 13:43

Its been a long time since that was said to me. It would depend on the context. If someone I was having a relationship with said that to me before I was 30 I would be flattered. If anyone else said it I would feel patronised and uneasy.

Firkytoodle · 24/05/2011 14:48

Reminds me of this.

No one has called me pretty for a long time but I hate the fact that 'girl/s' is an acceptable way to address women of all ages(it was used by the manager of the care home I worked in to address the residents of 80+ FFS). Its infantalising. Even worse when women use it about themselves - girls night out etc .

Occasionally DD is called a pretty girl and I use Katie Makkai's line in the video above and say 'yes she is pretty amazing/energetic etc' isnt she.

Insomnia11 · 24/05/2011 15:00

I think I'd take it as a compliment.

MummyBerryJuice · 24/05/2011 15:19

Thanks for reminding me of that Friky. have shared it on FB

NacMacFeegle · 24/05/2011 16:30

Trillian - I'm a musician. Regularly the only female at sessions/ jams, and generally feel accepted - but the above reinforces the fact that I am not accepted, IYKWIM.

I don't think of people as men first, person second. But clearly many men see "girl" first, person quite some time later, after "pretty," and other irritations.

I don't think I will miss it, it's a recent development (since I lost weight, which I have done for health reasons.) I still dress like a jumble sale and have stupid hair. And don't wear makeup, or shave my legs, or any of the other stuff that people do to be "pretty" FFS!

I don't feel complimented. My appearance doesn't matter, it's not something I can do anything about, therefore a compliment is meaningless.

Ooh, turns out I feel quite strongly about this! And I'm jamming tonight, excellent. Grin

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