I can’t stop eating my feelings

[LaptopGoblin]

I thought I was getting top of it but a friend, who had previously devastated me, hurt me again today, so off I went to the shop and bought two mini pizzas. I then ate two bags of crisps and a bag of chocolate eggs. I started the day well with a bowl of berries, my plan had been to drop DCs off to school then come home and have poached eggs with veg (I work for myself from home) but on the way home my friend broke my heart again and I just feel empty and sad and I want to fill the hole with food. It’s my own stupid fault for reaching out to her and ignoring my instincts and I’ve just upset myself.
But now I just want to eat and eat and eat. I’m having counselling for this but I don’t like my counsellor and she makes me feel bad about myself but it’s NHS counselling and I’m scared if I request another one I’ll get kicked off the programme.

Just wanted to say it to someone really, hoping by writing this down it might help me stop myself.

Force yourself to work out in the morning before everyone wakes up and dont have binge food at home. Force yourself to work out twice a day. Counselling can stir up emotions, you need healthy coping mechanisms alongside this like try mental health apps as well.
It takes time to build new habit so just keep forcing yourself to exercise it will be easier after 6 months.

I didn’t have anything in the house, but as what happened was on the way home I drove to a shop and just bought everything. I just wanted to fill the sad empty space. I normally have a walk after school drop off but it was hailing this morning so I just came home and ate.

Cool. I hope being unpleasant to someone who is really struggling today with how they feel about themselves has made you feel much better.

@TheMostly Are you usually as thick as mince? Do you drop by threads, post useless comments and think you're absolutely hysterical? Read the room, you're not.

What a nasty, mean-spirited comment to someone in distress.

@LaptopGoblin please just ignore that comment.

I've often eaten far too much when I'm sad about something. I'm sorry your friend upset you like that. You should block her and go NC.

It gives you so much control to do that.

I blocked both my sisters a couple of years ago. Best thing I ever did.

@LaptopGoblin

Ignore the idiot in the room.

I think it's safe to say, your friendship is done.
I've been in the exact same position as that, missed my friendship, reached out, got hurt all over again. I just had to accept it and move on. You're going to have to do the same, sad as it is. You can't keep putting yourself through this.

Look, class todays comfort eating as a blip. I used to comfort eat at the least little thing. I knew I had to get on top of it. I saw a tip online once, many moons ago. Chew a piece of gum! Make sure you always have some on you; bag, pocket, car, and the stronger flavoured the better. When you think about going to the shop, pop a piece in. It worked for me, may not for everyone, but it's worth a try. Hugs🌹

It's like an addiction. CBT helps.
Drive a different route home and dont take cash on school run. Groceries online so no impulse buying. Chew on chewing gum or sugar free sweets when you feel that craving. Treat it like drinking: we still need to drink water (eat broccoli, chicken..healthy stuff) but dont need to drink alcohol (mini pizza, chocolates...)
Some people have no off button so all or nothing is the way.

Some people have no off button, so all or nothing is the way

This is so true. I see that you had to go to a shop to get the treats, OP. You quite rightly didn't have them in the house.

Look at it as a blip in an attempt to conquer an addiction. Tomorrow is another day.

I too struggle with binge eating so can empathise. I'm getting a handle on it but still have blips. This doesn't mean you have ruined all your brilliant progress. You're doing well by not having trigger foods in the house and walking more. Recovery doesn't always go in a straight light, you wander off the path a bit but you can and will get back on it. Keep going, good luck xq

You need a backup plan for exercise in bad weather like gym or class. If you start the morning with a work out at home you will less likely want to binge and your mood will be better. You need to develop several coping mechanisms as simple as breathing techniques to work outs to colouring to therapy.

Thank you all, these are all very reassuring. I need to just accept what I’ve done and stop now, and get back on track.

I hear u OP. I am exactly the same

That's what I find hard.
If I make a mistake and eat a load of crap, I don't always manage to reset.

I have gained 4 stone in 2yrs. Thiz is due to grief after the duivide of my partner. Feel and look awful.

It's just a blip keep going

I think that’s what I’m afraid of. The last year has been so hard and I was just getting myself to a stable point and then this happened and it’s set me right back. It’s so stupid as I know it’s not worth wrecking myself over, but it’s just opened up a huge hole again.

Because you think "oh fuck it, I'll just be a size 24 forever"

I do that. You must find a way to reset. I know it's easy to say and hard to do.

I also struggle with binge eating.

However the one thing which has made a difference to me is learning that of all people who binge eat 100% binge on ultra processed foods.

It made so much sense as that is exactly what I did.

I have now cut out most UPF and although I still sometimes binge they are far smaller and I'm more in control than I used to be

Plus get rid of your 'friend'!