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Feel out of control. Please help me come up with a plan.

TheoriginalKB · 05/04/2017 17:05

I am very overweight, I need to lose at least 8 stone to have a BMI in the healthy range, at the moment I am getting heavier and my clothes are getting tighter. I feel out of control and don't know where to start.

I don't want to diet - I have tried every diet going and always give up - usually on the first day. As a result of this I feel totally confused about what sensible healthy eating looks like. But I do want to take control of my eating and make changes.

At the moment I eat unhealthy snacks all day long, especially if I am bored at work, or upset or just a little bit sad/miserable. My meals are not healthy either. I don't exercise very much (go to the gym about once a week). I have no willpower/motivation/belief that I can ever lose weight. If I do attempt to diet I sabotage myself.

I don't know what to tackle first, should I try to cut down on snacking, or should I start by making my meals more filling so I don't get hungry between meals, do I need to work on why I snack when I know I am not hungry, or give up sugar, or try to improve my self belief, or start with more exercise?

I need a plan. I need to make changes to my habits that are sustainable but will be a real change and will not just be replaced by another bad habit. i.e there is no point giving up chocolate if I am just going to eat twice as many packets of crisps, non chocolate biscuits/cakes etc.

So please can anyone help me come up with a plan - where do I start, what do I need to do? Can anyone convince me that it is worth the effort and that I can do it?

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AJE84 · 05/04/2017 22:53


It's really hard isn't it - balancing life, emotions & food. There are so many different approaches & ideas out there & it's hard to know where to start.

I personally think that there are 3 areas to try & tackle simultaneously

  1. nutritional eating (diet)
  2. exercise
  3. mindset

    My experience that each of these areas are important & ideally need to come together for effective long term weight loss & maintenance.

    But the key thing is MINDSET! Once we start realising that it's all a process & stop motivating ourselves by comparing our own shape to someone else's then that's half the battle won!

    I eat emotionally with sugary stuff but work really hard to make sure all of my meals are full of nutrients & goodness, and I work out as often as time allows. But I'm not where I'd like to be at the moment because life is hard work & I've been struggling - but that's ok!

    I'm writing a blog about it if you wanna read it:

    But I will also recommend 2 books for you.

  4. God Loves Ugly by Christa Black
  5. The Obesity Code by Jason Fung

    The first addresses mindset & the second gives a very thorough exploration of why so many approaches to weight loss don't work.

    I also recommend looking up Supernaturally Healthy on Facebook or google with Keziah Hall - she's all about eating to heal & nourish yourself.

    I'm a way off from where I wanna be & compared to lots of my friends & people in the media, I'm miles away from the perfect body BUT I'm 2 years into a journey of learning to love myself for me & the more I realise my own value, the more I'm choosing to look after myself with what I eat & how I exercise etc. Not because I should but because I'm worth taking care of. As I said - so much of this is in the mind! It's not about the number on the scales or the size of your hips - it's about choosing to value yourself & make decisions from a place of knowing your worth.

    I don't know you but I know you're valuable & precious & worth making the changes you need to make.
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RedDahlia · 05/04/2017 23:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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TheoriginalKB · 06/04/2017 20:26

AJE thanks so much for your post. I am going to have a look at your blog and the books you recommended.
I definitely need to address my mindset, a lot of the time I know I am not hungry but I still eat anyway Sad

I was thinking earlier about a career planning session I did through work a few years ago. With that we started by thinking about where we wanted to be in say 5 years and then worked out the steps needed to get there, breaking it down into small steps.
Perhaps I can do something similar, instead of thinking 'how can I loose weight ' I should change focus and think about what healthy eating and exercise looks like for me. What kind and foods I would be eating and when and what exercise I would be doing if I was living my ideal healthy lifestyle then I could identify the steps needed to take me from where I am now towards that.

Thanks again AJE your reply has really helped, I am feeling far less miserable than I was yesterday afternoon

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