Horrified at myself today

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

Hoping for some advice. Has anyone ever got to the point where you literally hate yourself. More specifically the way you look?

I went and had some photos taken of my beautiful kids a few days ago and the photographer insisted I be in the photos. I was reluctant as I know I'm overweight. I just didn't realise how overweight I am until today when the photos came back.

I'm horrified. I've put son much weight on that I can't bear to look at the pictures with me in them. I just sat and cried all night.

I'm 5ft 2 so not tall by any stretch of the imagination and I must be about 15 stone. I'm guessing here but last time I did slimming world I was 14 st ish and I'm much bigger now. Had a baby 5 months ago (no excuse as have always been fat). Also have a 3.5yr old ds.

Just can't seem to get out of the pattern of eating whatever I want. I have only ever stuck to one thing in my whole life which was quitting the cigs but as a 30 a day smoker of 13 years it left a whole that I couldn't fill.

I struggle with my health as during the winter months I get recurrent tonsilitis and my throat swells to the point where I find it very difficult to eat anything I can't mush up. So far since early December I have had 7 bouts of it and so life is quite difficult. I feel tired a lot so making home cooked meals can be hard (especially at the moment as I'm constantly sick)

I am hoping being as upset as I am today might spur me on to make a change but I just feel so low I'm scared I won't stick to it.

My kids deserve better than to watch their mum eat crap all day and my eldest has been weighed recently and is apparently perfectly within his weight range but I worry he is starting to pick up mine and dh's bad habits.

Any words of advice from you lovely mumsnetters? I just don't know how to make myself care about how crap I look and how to drag myself through the days when I feel poorly.

[IDismyname]

Someone on MN once said that if we could consume 10 portions of fruit and veg a day, we wouldn't have so much of a weight problem!

Personally, I struggle with getting to 5 some days, but from a simplistic 'I need to change my diet with the least possible effort' viewpoint, it's not a bad mantra.

Having said that, I would think you're better off sticking to mainly the veg, and not OD-ing on 10 portions of fruit. I would think a nutri bullet type thing is an excellent start!

[ProfGrammaticus]

None! They just perpetuate the craving. You need to lose the sweet tooth. Once you've done that your life will be so much easier. As I say, focus just on that at first would be my tip, try and cut the carbs only once you have cracked this.

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

If it's hard to cut the carbs then start with cutting out wheat and increasing veg. It will make a huge difference.

[bunique]

Whichever way you choose to do it, keep in mind that for any 'diet' to be successful it has to be a lifestyle change so it can be sustainable. When I've been successful at losing weight, I've kept eating all the things I like but I've kept (mostly) within my calorie allowance for the day - I weighed everything, logged everything religiously, but I still ate potatoes and bread and chocolate because I knew the alternative was I'd get pissed off and go on a food bender! I put in my food for the day in advance so I know if I can splurge the last 200 calories on a Twirl if I want to. It sounds tedious but, having taken a few months break, I've managed to teach myself (finally...) what a 'normal' day's eating is and so maintained my weight without logging for a while. I've had to ditch the idea of "good" and "bad" eating and convince myself that this is just how I eat now. It somehow makes it easier to stick to.

Doing it with a 4 month old is hard but if you can find half an hour to exercise it'll help move things along too and will make you feel better if the scales don't shift for a week but you find yourself feeling fitter.