Wedding invites

[Elle15]

Me and my partner are getting married but we are on a tight budget so we’ve had to be harsh with who we invite as our day guests.
I have a cousin I speak to often but I haven’t seen her in a while. She has an on and off boyfriend who she’s been with for a couple years now but I have met him maybe once or twice? I haven’t put him down on our list for our day guests, but he would be more that welcome to come to the evening, is this unreasonable? When I mentioned this to a family member they said she’s going to very upset I haven’t invited him to the day. It’s very expensive per head I always thought your wedding day is meant to be spent with your family and the people that mean the most to you. We literally don’t know this man at all. I am now not sure what to do because I don’t want to upset anyone.

Don't have an evening do. Just have one reception event and invite who you want.
Cheaper and no "second best" guests.

Depends how far away you are getting married? I wouldn't expect someone to travel and then spend half the day without their partner

I think that when your are deciding if people get get a plus one, or are invited to day vs evening, each group of people should be treated the same. All colleagues invited to the evening only and no partners. All cousins get no plus one but partners invited to the evening. Knitting group friends invited all day with no partners. All nieces and nephews invited but no other children. That way, even if they disagree with tour decision, it feels fair. If she’s sitting on a cousins table where her siblings and other cousins have their partners there, while her partner or two years who you have met isn’t invited, that does feel like a value judgement on her relationship.

For you, your wedding is your special day where you want to spend it with those closest to you, but for your cousin, it’s one of many weddings she’ll be invited to over the course of her life and she likely cares more about her partner than you, and feels a bit snubbed. You can invite whoever you like, but other people can have opinions and feeling on who you invite.

For family weddings I have been to, cousins partners are invited if they meet any of the following criteria: are married, have children together or live together. If they don't meet any of those, then it's expected that you won't get a plus one.

Seems to work & everyone knows what to expect.