Parent with cancer - how feasible to quickly plan a budget wedding?

[mustardflower]

A parent is terminally ill, trying to understand how feasible it would be to plan a budget wedding at shortish notice.

I feel like I need an idiots guide. I have no idea where to even start looking…

If not marrying in a church, what are good budget options? There are some registry offices but they don’t look very aesthetically pleasing.. but could we do registry office then hire out a pub for food after? Or can you do the whole thing in a hotel?

I’ve got a big family, I think even just bare bones family and close friends it would be about 60 people. Realistically is this possible on a budget? I’m not thinking a big wedding, just a reception and food/drinks after perhaps. Unfortunately haven’t got a garden or similar that we could use for an at home reception.

I’ve been googling but there’s so much information and it’s pretty overwhelming, don’t know where to start 😩 any tips or ideas or resources welcome ❤️

[WaWaWaWaaaaaa]

I'm so sorry to hear about your parent. Firstly are you sure that they would want you to rush your wedding. Might it be something they could potentially find to stressful or tiring?
If you are sure it's ok then the easiest way to reduce costs is to do something midweek. Would that be a possibility?

[Kitkat1523]

Get all the family on board to help organise….I’ve seen people do this and been some of the best weddings I’ve been to…..I hope you make it happen…good luck 🍀

[Gazelda]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It must be very difficult and you must have conflicting emotions when thinking about your wedding.

You might find a local hotel that will offer you a budget package on a Friday? Or the registry office might be lovely inside.

I'd do a small registry office ceremony for immediate family only, followed by a buffet reception in a restaurant or pub's function room. You don't need to cover drinks.

If I were you, I'd not have bridesmaids etc. there's no need for table favours. Many of the add-one at weddings are unnecessary and won't be missed if they're not there.

I hope you manage to put something together that will be a wonderful memory for you

[mustardflower]

@WaWaWaWaaaaaa thank you, I guess trying to gauge what it might look like/cost etc as part of that. I’ve never wanted a big wedding with lots of fuss (shy!) but would want family there. I just want my parent to be there for the actual ceremony, the rest would probably be too much. Also hard because right now it would be ok but I don’t know how they’d cope a few months down the line, could be the same but could have worsened.

[mustardflower]

@Gazelda they’re great ideas re pub and buffet etc.
definitely not fussed about all the extra stuff, bridesmaids, favours, videos etc. something like a buffet to avoid paying for full meals is definitely a good idea

[catsnore]

Registry office is the least fuss. There is usually limited seating so it literally is family only. It doesn't cost a lot. Just go to your fave restaurant or pub after. If you ignore all the hype around weddings you can do it exactly the way you want to!

[3Tunes]

Many years ago, we did a quick wedding (about 6 weeks) just because we wanted small and no big fuss. I’m sorry yours is for a sadder reason.

If it’s any use, what we did was:

• nicest local Register Office, choose a weekday and there is likely to be availability
• just have very closest family and friends at ceremony
• move on to pub for lunch with them
• and then have wider friends and family join you for the evening (reserve a private room)

[N0TMYIDEA]

Some people have a quick legal marriage in a registry office with just two witness and then a bigger ceremony ( religious or humanist ) with vows, readings and music.

[TakeMe2Insanity]

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation.

My DH wanted to get married and were able to organise the whole thing in 6 weeks (only because xmas was in the way) but essentially it was 4 weeks.

Just think about what’s important to you. Other things can be added on. So book the registry office, decide on your guest list and book a restaurant that fits the size.

For flowers, all the florists I went to complained I hadn’t given them enough time. In the end my mum asked me to buy the plants (yes plants) I wanted in my bouquet and she put them together - as plants they were a fraction of thw cost than cut. We had little potted flowers on the tables and surprisingly it all worked. Honestly it will come together beautifully!

[Beamur]

It's feasible. Don't overthink everything as you are already carrying a big mental load.
We did registry office with a handful of people and then a bigger party with food and drink.
Something like a village or church hall are cheaper than hotels etc.
If it has a bar, stick a few quid behind or greet guests with a drink.
Have a buffet with maybe one or two hot options instead of a sit down meal.
Disco or a play list (we did a play list and just hooked it up to an audio system) and a ceilidh.

[Ponderingwindow]

We did our legal wedding in the office over our lunch break. We didn’t even invite anyone. Then we rented out a restaurant and had a family ceremony at the venue. We did ours on a weeknight a high end restaurant was normally closed. Only one pair of guests wasn’t extremely local and we wanted a simple dinner and an early night so a weeknight was perfect for us. We got amazing food and decor for much cheaper this way.

be open to different ways of feeding people. Dinners can often be cheaper than buffets. Buffets have to plan for choice and for people taking larger portions.

I bought my dress from the evening gown section at a department store, not a bridal shop. Much faster. I didn’t care about white so that made things easier.

[gotomomo]

I work for a church, we can organise a wedding with 4 weeks notice(reduced to 1 week but costs more in special circumstances). Costs can be minimal if you just use the flowers (and Christmas decor) in the church, recorded music possibly (depending on if they have equipment) - it will be about £600. Most have a hall, ours seats 70-80, have a buffet, bring your own drinks in (ask guests to bring their own maybe) we even have glasses, crockery and cutlery at no extra cost, just £20 per hour to rent the hall though I could do a special rate all day. I reckon you could do it all for £2500 including a basic wedding dress, new suit (bought from M&S or similar), wedding costs, hall hire and buffet including an off the shelf cake eg M&S do them. Less if it's bring and share!

[ladeluge]

I am sorry to hear of your troubles.

I think I'd go for an early ceremony and a nice lunch instead of dinner. Far less formal, but just as nice and enjoyable. All over by 5pm, and those who want to party on can do so elsewhere!

[SiouxsieSiouxStiletto]

So sorry to read about your DParent @mustardflower. How is the Wedding planning progressing?

[mustardflower]

Thanks @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto - haven’t really made any plans yet, been a tricky few weeks.
Back researching though! Looking at registration offices that would accommodate (big family and would like to be able to invite most, although accepting at short notice and probably mid week numbers may be less) and pubs that we could potential hire out for exclusive use for a lunch after.

[tiutinkerbell]

I am doing the same thing, so understand completely. I am planning mine in 6 months (June 2024). Costs are coming in around 18k at the moment for 120/130ish guests - large Irish family. We are doing everything in a hotel to keep costs lower and also to make sure noone has to faff around travelling to different venues. Main thing is getting a date & venue sorted and then you can work around with other suppliers.

[user1492757084]

If you are not opposed to a church wedding that could be the nicest in respect of venue, cost, grounds, hall etc.

Otherwise look at village pubs, golf clubs and sporting clubs like bowls clubs that have large social rooms, a bar and many members who like to do a bit of fund raising.
Ask local school bands or musicians to provide music.

Ask your family to contribute skills - vocalist,flowers, cars etc.
Be non fussy and accept their joy.

[Essie274]

Hi, I see you haven't been back to the thread in a while so don't know if you've had your wedding or not - but DH and I got married similarly quickly for the same reason (ended up costing a bomb though as we originally planned it for 3 months time then had to suddenly bring it forward) - I'm so sorry you're going through that. It does put a taint on the planning when you know the reason you're doing it. It did feel very special in the end, though - lots of joy, small amounts of sadness.

I can't say I can really help with keeping it low budget as that didn't work out for us, but simplicity is key!

[mustardflower]

Thank you for all the advice ❤️ sadly he died quicker than anticipated so it never happened - I'm gutted. I’d urge anyone in the same position or with any doubt to just get on with it if that’s what they want!

[TakeMe2Insanity]

Oh @mustardflower I’m so sorry for your loss.

[CadyEastman]

Me too mustard. It can be bloody awful when you lose a DParents can't it?

[Ratfinkstinkypink]

I Googled local wedding venues when we needed to get married in a hurry, we managed to tie in our local town hall which is a lovely building with a registrar then we all schlepped off to the pub for the wedding breakfast. It cost us about £4k in total and that included putting up close family in a nearby hotel for the night (we married in 2022)

[Ratfinkstinkypink]

So sorry I missed your update. Sending love your way

[LilyMumsnet]

OP, we are so sorry for your loss.
If you want us to edit the title, or remove the thread, please just let us know.
Love and best wishes.

[Whatevershallidowithmylife]

@mustardflower sorry for loss.