I know nothing. Where do I start?

[YoniBottsBumgina]

DP and I are planning to get married next year. However despite being engaged since just before Christmas, we haven't really done any planning yet. A bit of fantasy planning and that's it! ^shock] he found some nice rings the other day which he showed me, and I fell in love with too, and i's sparked me off into an urge to start planning properly. The only flaw in this plan is that ky planning skills are utterly shit. I probably couldn't organise a puss up in a brewery blush

(ffs, apologies for terrible typing, I despise this phone)

The other complicated thing is that DP- who is brilliant at planning and organising stuff, lives in Germany which is where myself and DS will also be living in a few months . So I'm thinking there are probably some things which will be easier plan before we move over (we want to get married in the UK) like the venue.

I don't know the first thing about weddings. I have a vague idea of what we want but I don't know what happens at a wedding, I've been to just one ever and I think that was just the reception. So I'm worried I might fond somewhere good but miss some really important detail. I also have no car, no money for deposits and limited childcare. How do you go about looking for somewhere? And what else needs sorting out when? I've never even organised a party or coffee morning ffs!

Can anyone help with an idiot's guide to what needs organising when? Preferably in words of one syllable and/or explaining what everything actually is.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I've got DP in on the planning now and we're having a great time :o It's all starting to take shape! :)

[YoniBottsBumgina]

Direct.gov says if you live abroad to register at the district office where you want to get married. It shouldn't be a problem for us to do that anyway as we'll be visiting family at some point presumably.

[starfishmummy]

• we got married!!

[starfishmummy]

Fuckwittery - it is. We get married in the Black prince room and I have just been to a small wedding in the statutory wedding room. - the small one is fairly plain and standing only (apart from the witnesses!) but was lovely and friendly.

[starfishmummy]

Coventry register office is in a nice old building with some good spots for photos. There is a choice of rooms which hold different numbers of people. so you need to have an idea of numbers before you book. Don't know all of warwickshire but Rugby office is more modern and business like but there are nearby places for nice photos. You need to give notice at the relevant offices - we married in coventry, Dh "gave notice" (the legal bit) there and I had to go to rugby.

[watchingout]

Bouncy castle is great for kids! and adults too we got a popcorn machine "thrown in" for half price along with the castle hire. Also fireworks make a perfect ending to the day as it gives guests the polite message of "shows over, leave us to our own celebrations"

Exciting planning times - make sure you include things that are important to YOU and don't get pushed around by the organisers. We looked at one venue where the co-ordinator told us that "everyone gets engaged at New Year and chooses their venue in January" and made us feel really out of touch to have dared to get engaged in April and think of getting married the same year.... Needless to say, she didn't get the booking

[MrsBranestawm]

Well, then, fix up the marriage bit early on in the day and do your own thing for the reception later on. The reception is just a party. It can be whatever you want.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

Do you need registrars and licences for a reception? That's basically what I want to do but on the same day.

[MrsBranestawm]

Why not do the ceremony quietly at your local registry office, then have a camping party later? That way you can make the party your own, without having to factor in registrars and licences.

[NorthernLurker]

Weddings in fields need loos. Don't forget the loos! And parking.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I don't know how many of those we'd also invite to the ceremony, so that part could potentially be smaller. If we have a sit down meal we were thinking immediate family only too. And we may be able to borrow money and/or push it back a year to save up. Plus 160 is if we invite everyone we want to invite comfortably, so could cut back.

I've gone really mad with planning a fantasy wedding in a big field now :o thinking that might be a lot cheaper, although would have to look up how much everything would cost altogether.

[AintNobodyHereButUsKittens]

For that budget and those numbers you'll need to be very frugal - DIY budget at church hall kind of frugal. Don't even look at hotels. Rule 1 is Don't Mention the W word! You are having "a big party", buying "a dress", getting "a hire car" everything goes nuts on price once the W word creeps in.

[NorthernLurker]

Some 'avereage' costs here

[NorthernLurker]

160 guests on a budget of £4000 total is going to be quite tight. You might want to think about a big church but keep other costs - such as flowers there - right down and then have a buffet in as cheap a space as you can get. Maybe a church hall?

[YoniBottsBumgina]

What we've sort of decided so far:

Guest list around 160 ideally. Could probably squash down to 120, poss 100. But for me it's important to have the people we care about there and DP has a big family.

Child friendly, definitely. If at all possible I'd love to have a room available at the reception where children can be put down to sleep if parents want to stay later. It would have to be close to the main room as my friends are uber crunchy types who probably wouldn't be keen on a random nanny watching their DC without being able to check on them.

I had an idea to sort of split the evening part so that it's more child centred early on, thinking this would give people an option to attend e.g. 5-9pm if they have kids or 7-11/late if they don't, or attend all of it if they want - meaning those who don't want to be out late still get a decent amount of time and those who want to get drunk can avoid hordes of children I'd they desire. I was thinking of doing separate children's food at 5 or 6ish to prevent horrendously overtired low blood sugar preschoolers running riot at about 7.30 waiting for a buffet.

I think we've planned more for the children than adults :o mainly due to a very child unfriendly wedding I went to recently, but also because I hope the adults will have a good time regardless!

We're both quite geeky and into music and computers and certain sci fi (not really space type stuff, more time travel, steampunk, gadgets etc) I want to make a playlist ourselves, and DP has a friend who works in AV who might be able to lend us some proper speakers and lights which he reckons we could rig up to a laptop, which would be perfect.

I'd love to get married at this time of year but obviously weather is unpredictable. Perhaps later in the summer, if we did that, I'd quite like a huge marquee, let people bring their own tents to camp (maybe hire caravans for elderly relatives and some kind of glamping tent for us!) A glamping wedding :o with a campfire and barbeque catering. I have no clue if this would be possible though - where would we find a field that will let us pitch tents all over it? Loads of lovely picturesque views round here though. Maybe I'll just go around sweet talking farmers!

[YoniBottsBumgina]

In the UK. I'll have a look :)

[gallicgirl]

Are you planning on getting married in the UK or Germany?

The website for the General Registrar's Office might have the answers, sorry can't link.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

Council's website good place to start though, thanks :)

[YoniBottsBumgina]

Right, but what happens if we live in Germany and don't have a local registry office? I'm guessing British consulate maybe.

This is so frustrating without proper internet :(

[gallicgirl]

You must get the registrar and venue booked first. Try your local council's website and they will tell you all the legal stuff.
If you want to get married away from home, Cornwall for example, you still need to post notice at your local registry office. The council's website will probably have a list of approved licensed venues in the area.