Did anyone else make a complete arse up of weaning?

[Babyunledweaning]

I thought I’d do baby led weaning but it didn’t work at all. I panicked and tried loads of different things, DS got stressed and so did I. Now he refuses to eat.

Looking back I feel we got no real support, all we got told was to let him eat what we ate but that wasn’t suitable.

I don’t really know how to put it right. I have a horrendous relationship with food and I’ve passed this on without meaning to.

[NotTheOW]

How old is he now?

[BaronessBomburst]

Why is your food not suitable to share with him? What
are you eating?

[Babyunledweaning]

I’m on diet food so not suitable for a baby!

I just wish I’d started with pouched and gradually built up to meals., the lethim eat what you eat confused me. But looking back obviously he wasn’t going to go from milk to 3 meals a day.

[JustWonderingIfYou]

You offer 1 meal a day and build up to 3. Also they don't actually eat a lot of the time. They might just touch or lock and squish the food. Ita just about exposing them to textures/ flavours etc.

How old is baby?

[Babyunledweaning]

Thanks, we are quite a long way last that point now and coming up to a year and a half. Just conscious I arsed it up!

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

I don't know if it was me or DS, but it certainly didn't go according to plan - he did not embrace baby led weaning and ended up having a lot more pouches than I hoped. I'm not a fussy eater at all, so please don't assume your food issues are necessarily a factor.

It all worked out in the end and he eats well now, although not adventurously.

[Sprogonthetyne]

It won't be as bad as you think, and certainly nothing you can't fix. Lot's of babies take a while to start eating substantial amounts, if he's under 1 he will be getting his nutrition from milk anyway, food is just for fun at that age.

What did you feed him that was unsuitable? Babies can eat almost anything adults can, so you won't have done any harm giving him a range of foods.

As for what to do now, maybe just go back to a few simple foods while he gets use to eating, then expand later. My DC ate a lot of toast when they were weaning and banana always went down well. Just cut it into fingers and leave it in front of him in a high chair.

[linerforlife]

Don't blame yourself. There's a lot of information and pressure out there about weaning. Some cultures don't wean AT ALL until babies are over one, whereas here it's really pushed that babies should be having 3 meals and snacks by 1. It's easy to be our own harshest critics as mums!! Regardless of how old baby is, just let go of any expectations right now around them eating. Serve simple appealing stuff like strawberries, toast or yogurt, and tell yourself you don't care if they eat or not. Let baby grow in confidence slowly and don't worry about what anyone thinks of that aside from the two of you

[LadyIckenham]

I know it's easy to say, but I honestly wouldn't worry about it. I have 4 DC, aged 6 to teens and my eldest, who I invested insane amounts of time weaning, is the world's fussiest eater. My youngest, who just got what was around, is the healthiest eater going, but there was all sorts that he didn't try until he was around 2 as I rarely cooked it as the eldest wouldn't eat it (for example, we discovered he really likes kale when he helped himself to some that I was having. It didn't even occur to me to offer him any as I just presumed he'd reject it ).

My experience has been contrary to what I was told, in that there was not a narrow window to encourage the children to try lots of different things. Their tastes change as they get older and they all have very different tastes. Which is to be expected, as they are all different people.

I am sure you are doing fine but remember how stressful I found it too. Just try to enjoy food with your children and as long as they eat, they will be just fine.

[Lady0racle]

Hi OP. I’m sure you haven’t messed up weaning. You sound very anxious about it all (which I understand because I have a history of eating disorders myself).

Some babies are just more interested in food than others. I did BLW with my oldest and she basically didn’t eat anything much at all until she was well over a year. I was sooooo stressed about it - especially when other babies we knew were happily munching on lovely home cooked meals while mine might possibly suck on a breadstick for a few minutes if I was lucky. But a lovely HV explained that my job was to provide her with a range of nutritious food - but it was up to her whether or not she ate it!

She is secondary school age now. She’s still not overly fussed about food. She eats if she’s hungry of course and will try new things but it doesn’t interest her the way it does other people. She does lots of sport and is fit and healthy.

My point is that things that really stress you out when they are tiny, don’t matter at all in the long run.

[Babyunledweaning]

Thanks so much for reassuring me, you’re very kind.

If he would reliably eat some meals, even if it wasn’t very varied, I’d feel better, but the fact he just refuses to eat worries me.

[Poppins2016]

But a lovely HV explained that my job was to provide her with a range of nutritious food - but it was up to her whether or not she ate it!

Your HV sounds fab, very wise and of course right!

My HVs were always concerned that I was breastfeeding too much, which they said was causing our difficulty weaning. In actual fact DS struggled due to high palate/strong gag reflex and he had a real aversion to food rather than just 'not being hungry' due to breastfeeding. I just kept giving the opportunity and he got there in the end... (which was well past 18 months)!

My (almost) 7 month old, on the other hand, is happy to explore almost anything... My oldest only tolerated fine purees for months whereas my youngest will eat standard porridge, nibble on a boiled carrot, yesterday had fine(ish) chopped meatballs and spaghetti in tomato sauce.

It's often not about the mother you are but about the child you have. I thought I'd done a terrible job weaning with my oldest, but actually I'd done everything right. I now see that it was just luck of the draw (I've done nothing differently)!

[Seeline]

I think an awful lot depends on the child, not the method/type of food/parent. I treated mine exactly the same - first 20 years ago when BLW wasn't a thing. If there was a bit of toast, or a chip or a bit of fruit lying around then they had that, or if puree was more convenient they had that, or you just mushed up what you were having. My first took to weaning straight away, and was demolishing whole jars within weeks, stealing food off our plates etc. Treated the second exactly the same - just didn't want food. I can well remember the excitement of her first 'meal' - a Happy Meal in an airport due to a very delayed flight at aged 2. No it wasn't ideal, or healthy but she ate it!! Still pretty fussy at 17yo, but she did come round slowly.

[Poppins2016]

@Babyunledweaning

Thanks so much for reassuring me, you’re very kind.

If he would reliably eat some meals, even if it wasn’t very varied, I’d feel better, but the fact he just refuses to eat worries me.

When he refuses, what does he do? Does there appear to be a reason why? Will he eat snacks or drink lots of milk?

One thing the HVs told me was that my DS was more likely to refuse a meal if he wasn't hungry... so to cut down on milk, especially between mealtimes and at night.
I'm not necessarily suggesting you do this, as it might not work for you (certainly didn't for me, as he still had a food aversion, refused it and was hungry/miserable so I gave up), but it could help to pinpoint what's going on... a child certainly has no incentive to eat if they're not hungry!

[Babyunledweaning]

I keep wondering if ‘starving’ him (obviously not really but you know what I mean) is the best way.

[SamLDN]

I failed at baby led weaning with all best intentions. It was the gagging and being sick!

We quickly went back to the old fashioned, non messy version with the odd finger food thrown in here and there.

There’s so much pressure with weaning!

[Twizbe]

About the age of 1, all babies (however they were weaned) go through a delightfully fussy phase were they won't eat anything. Even foods they used to like.

Offer what you're having and eat with them. If they don't eat, fine, wait until the next meal and try again.

They won't starve themselves and they don't need as much food as we think.

What diet food are you having? They can eat pretty much anything at a year old.

[Seeema2902]

How did this turn out in the end we are in weaning hell, baby who cries most the time in the highchair. Refuses to be spoon fed from the offset so we offer the food and aim to help
after he explores a bit but it feels so burdensome and hard. It’s making me feel awful. Just want to know in the end it turned out okay x