Is this normal behaviour in a horse owner

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

We're new to pony loaning, my daughter has been riding for over a year and a half and doing really well - so we decided a few months ago to loan a pony.

My daughters only just turned 9 and the pony is 5. He is obviously still young and inexperienced, although he has confident teenagers sometimes ridding him.

The first time my daughter rode him, he took off with her and she fell off - there was a trainer in with her. This dented her confidence, so we decided to just stick with ground work. She LOVES visiting the pony, and gets a lot of valuable experience from just the ground work. Today we did a 15 minute lesson with a trainer and she enjoyed it, but the pony is very lazy!

My issue is with the owner, tbh she is starting to do my head in. I understand the importance of looking after a pony, and me and my daughter try really hard every week to ensure we do things properly. But this owner is really anal about everything. To the point it's becoming a problem. She always every single poo and anything wet taken away, today she called me after we left to complain I hadn't taken it all away. I honestly thought I had.

Last week she told me she is buying different bedding and not to take so much away as it's expensive. Mid week she asked me to only use a certain saddle pad (even though we hadn't used them as my daughter wasn't riding the pony!)

Bear in mind we only loan the pony one day a week, she messages me constantly and it's becoming a regular occurrence to call me up and "have a chat" once we get home.

I just feel on edge on when we go. This is supposed to be enjoyable. I'm paying £10 a day to essentially groom the pony, muck him out and lunge him and we just get grief in return.

I don't know what to do, my daughter loves this pony. But the situation is doing my head in.

Help! Is this normal? If so I don't think I can be bothered with it all.

[SleepyHedgehog]

I would politely leave this arrangement. Your DD needs an experienced pony who has seen it all so she can learn from it. A 5 year old is the equivalent of a young teen human unfortunately. The owner also doesn't sound able to share her horse either. Daily calling isn't normal and she should've guided you that her pony was unlikely to be suitable for a beginner.
I hope you find a better match x

[CurlewKate]

Did you get advice about the pony? Because a 5 year old pony and an inexperienced 9 year old rider seems a recipe for disaster, sorry. How much are you paying?

[CurlewKate]

And that's without even considering the owner!

[CurlewKate]

Sorry- I didn't notice that you are paying £10. Presumably with lessons on top of that? Personally, I'd go back to just lessons for a while longer.

[DancefloorAcrobatics]

I haven't been around horses for a long time. But that doesn't sound right and could really knock your daughters confidence.
Firstly, ditch the loan pony.
Get your daughter back to riding school horses to build up her confidence again.
A few months down the line, look for another loan with the help of the riding instructor.

[twistyizzy]

As others have said, a 5 Yr old horse + inexperienced child aren't a good mix so I would end the loan based just on this.
I would never ever be able to share my horse because I am OCD about his care and management and would never be able to trust anyone to look after him as well as I do!
If it is your responsibility to muck out then yes that means taking away every poo and all the wet so this isn't an unreasonable request.

[XelaM]

We've shared our pony and currently looking for sharers for our other pony. It's not normal to call every day, but then I would never ever loan my young pony to an inexperienced 9-year-old. That's mad. And we had a lovely experienced cob that we were loaning out to pre-/teens. We still refused to loan her to any inexperienced rider and always had a try out. I think this arrangement is very odd.

[Ukholidaysaregreat]

Yes 5 is very young. The horse has probably not been broken that long and so not a great ride for a young novice rider. Plus the owner sounds like a pain in the butt. Might be better to help at the riding stables on a weekend for more experience and sometimes a free lesson. Make sure you find a nice school though as with all these things some are grabby or bossy and some are nice.

[Balloonhearts]

Can you not sign her up for riding lessons at a school and loan one of their ponies? They're likely to be more beginner friendly than this 5 year old. Heck at 9 you could probably loan a small horse if it's calm.

I think she needs something a bit older and more chilled although tbf I did see a pony at my school take off with a rider a few weeks back and he's 24 years old! I've never seen him move so fast.

[What0nEarthIsThis]

I got thrown from a horse when I was 10 and lost my confidence. The thing that worked was to go to a riding stable and ask for the most sedate horse they had and I had a lesson once a week. That was good. Some of the horses were so calm there that they were practically prostrate.

[WoodBurningStov]

I think two thirds of the relationship when loaning a pony is with the owner.

I'd walk away from this one, the owner was daft to put a young, inexperienced rider onto a young green horse. Red flag number 1! Calling you every day is red flag number 2.

Find an owner you get on with, and has the same outlook to riding and horse care as you have.

It took a few attempts to find someone we gelled with for my dd and had the right horse for her.

In your shoes I'd get your dd back into a good riding school and maybe find a local pony owner who's looking for someone to help out with her pony but not ride. Or see if the riding school have pony days or are happy for your dd to help out at the school.

[elessar]

I would just echo all the other comments.

The owner sounds hard work and a pain in the arse. You do get plenty like it in the horse world, but there's also lots of nice, normal people too.

The pony sounds unsuitable - your daughter needs something older that's calm and reliable, not a young pony who hasn't had much schooling yet.

Call it quits on this relationship, go back to the riding school to regain your daughter's confidence and then look for a share pony - perhaps through a recommendation at the riding school to make sure you find something suitable for her.

[CocoonofDavid]

This doesn’t sound like an ideal set up- your daughter sounds (completely understandably) novice, and at only 5, the pony will be green and probably needs someone more competent and confident.

However, I can kind of see where the owner may be coming from in terms of her contacting you regularly if she thinks your not doing things correctly- eg leaving poo in the bed, or taking out vast quantities of expensive bedding.

I know you said you’re paying £10 a day, but obviously in the grand scheme of things the pony is almost certainly costing far more than that per day, for the owner.

Perhaps this is just not working out at all as either of you expected?

She was hoping the pony would be ridden and jobs completed to a normal/decent standard so that she didn’t have the chores that day? When actually what is happening is the pony is not being ridden and she feels the jobs aren’t being done satisfactorily, despite numerous reminders.

You feel the pony is too much, your daughter isn’t getting the riding time you’d hoped for, and you feel annoyed that in your mind you’re paying to muck out?

I think I’d just call it quits now before there’s any bad feeling between you, and go back to a riding school.

[Cherryblossom200]

Thanks everyone, I'm going to call her now. I did try and say to her that I wanted to leave things after my did fell off. But the owner talked me back into it despite me wanting to leave.

The owner is completely OCD, she washed the pony's rug/duffet because it had a small bit of mud on it... it was literally looked brand new 😂 It's one of those situations tha

[Cherryblossom200]

Pressed send too quickly!

But I was saying it's one of those situations that despite whatever I do she will find fault in it and it's annoying.

I love the horse world, but it's not my life. I work full time and have a life outside it. It's literally a hobby for a few hours a week!

[CurlewKate]

To be honest, if I had a 5 year old, there is no way I would loan to a 9 year old who has only been riding for a year unless her mother was really experienced. I reckon she would do better matching her pony appropriately than faffing abound about mud splashes on rugs.

[OriginalFloorboards]

Hi there, agree with others. Pony is too young and inexperienced (green) for your daughter. I wouldn’t put anyone on my young horse. Probably go back to a riding school to regain confidence then think about sharing a much more older school master. One that’s been there, done it and worn the tshirt. Good luck.

[twingiraffes]

When I loaned mine, I had almost no contact at all with his owner the entire time I had him. The livery yard owner was in touch with her parents (she was at university) and all I did was pay livery to the yard owner.

I'd back away from this arrangement OP, as others say, a 9-year-old just learning and a pony that's only 5 isn't the ideal.

[twistyizzy]

@Cherryblossom200

Pressed send too quickly!

But I was saying it's one of those situations that despite whatever I do she will find fault in it and it's annoying.

I love the horse world, but it's not my life. I work full time and have a life outside it. It's literally a hobby for a few hours a week!

Unfortunately though horse owning does become your life. Definitely take her back to a riding school and ask a good instructor go find you a share. Also recommend both of you have stable management lessons from qualified instructor so you feel more confident.

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

Honestly I think the issue is two fold. Your daughter doesn’t sound ready for a loan unless she had a really experienced parent to help.

A 5 year old pony with an inexperienced rider supervised by an inexperienced parent is a disaster waiting to happen.

The owner sounds a pain, I have a loaner for one of my mares and them getting on is just as important to me as me getting on with them. When I have loaned in the past ensuring the owner was not a lunatic was very much part of the vetting process for me

[Cherryblossom200]

Thanks all done. I just feel relief!

Tbh I feel we've learned a huge amount already in terms of general ground work. I didn't know how to put on a bridal until now. So it's been positive.

But we're going to take a break from pony loaning and just stick with the riding school 😊

[twistyizzy]

@Cherryblossom200

Thanks all done. I just feel relief!

Tbh I feel we've learned a huge amount already in terms of general ground work. I didn't know how to put on a bridal until now. So it's been positive.

But we're going to take a break from pony loaning and just stick with the riding school 😊

If you can find a riding school which is also a pony club centre then your daughter will be able to work through the horse care + riding badges and levels. Please before loaning or sharing again take some basic stable management lessons yourself, horses have the potential to be dangerous and kids need a knowledgeable adult with them.

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

Yep absolutely agree with @twistyizzy things can go wrong, and go wrong very quickly with horses, and when you factor in they weigh several hundred kilograms and have metal shoes on you really need to make sure you’re confident and competent on the ground. I’ve had my own ponies/ horses since I was in nappies pretty much, and in all that time my most serious injury happened when I was leading a horse, not riding.

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

I concur with the others that this does not sound remotely like a suitable match with a novice rider and a very young horse especially if she is mainly supervised by you, who if you only just learnt how to put on a bridle is clearly not experienced with horses either. It sounds like a recipe for a nasty accident tbh.

lots of owners can be very fussy about their horses and keeping to the regimes and maybe this is her first experience with a loaner ? Has she shown you how to groom/clean/rug the horse etc how she wants it done ? It might be that there is a reason why a particular saddle pad needs to be used as they all have different properties - one of the horses Dd used to loan couldn't have the LM spectrum ones, only the felt material ones as the harsher material rubbed his coat.

[Floralnomad]

Did you post about this a few weeks ago as it sounds very familiar . FWIW unless you know lots about horses it is not a good idea to share whilst your daughter is such a novice rider . Your daughter will get much more out of regular lessons preferably at a riding school that has a pony club centre .