Pony mom routine - any help / advice

[LaurenH0893]

Hi Everyone,
Looking for some advice / tips etc. as we are looking at getting our 3 year old daughter her 1st pony

I work Mon-Thursday & she goes to nursery Tue-Thurs , Mon she is with Nanny.
I do work from home so I do have that bonus , hours are 8-4pm with half an hour lunch & these hours are flexible.
So I have Fridays off & collect my daughter from nursery straight after work.
The yard is 4 minutes drive from our house where it is DIY stable & grazing, ad-lib hay, straw, indoor school, amazing hacking.
we have people on the yard that offer day care (full care) , turn out / bring ins for extra money.
I was just wondering how working mums time their daily routine & any tips / tricks before we commit - I don’t know if I’m going to burn myself out.

I am pregnant due in September so will be finishing work to take 9-12 months off in August (but I will then have a newborn in tow) and then my daughter will only be in nursery term time 9-3pm so have a lot more free time & Time with pony.
What do you all think ? Doable, manageable ? Any tips ?
thank you !

[historyrocks]

You’re brave to be considering this! You’re going to have to do all of the heavy lifting for the pony, while keeping an eye on a three yr old and baby. Will there be someone to look after the baby while you’re at the yard? If not, I (personally) don’t know how you could manage it all.

Does she really need her own pony at 3 yrs old?

[LaurenH0893]

I've had horses all of my life up until having my daughter when I sold my last one when I was 4 months pregnant, moving house etc. so there was a lot going on at the time.

We're now settled, my daughter is pony mad just like me & would love to have a hobby we can do together.
It's half for me too as I can't ride anymore so keeps my hand in the pony pie even if I'm just shovelling sh*t I'm perfectly happy with that to see my daughter enjoy it.
My daughter is not a typical erratic 3 year old, she is very sensible & i never have to worry about her.
The pony my old friend has offered me has said I could do a summer loan so maybe trial over the summer before the baby comes & see how we go ?!

[decentchap]

Expense is clearly not part of the equation for you. I would NOT get a small girl a pony - not until much older. Take her for paid lessons but its asking a lot that she can manage a pony when riding. As for your ability to cope ? You know what its like you have had a daughter already. There will be days where you wish you can stay in bed!

[CrotchetyQuaver]

I think it's doable if you're really determined, but TBH you might be better off waiting until she's older when you'll get more out of it for what you will have to put in...

[ChristinaBlang]

How will she ride if you have a baby. Surely she will need leading for the first year or so?

[Incapacitated]

Everyone will say no because no one likes people to buy ponies unless they already have five.

But with the right pony (a native type, good doer, more kick than go, older than ten) it could bring you a lot of joy. They cost a bomb now. You'll have to wait for it. Stapleford ponies are very trustworthy.

[Incapacitated]

Pony people do actually have ponies for their own small children and it works out fine.

[LaurenH0893]

The part I'm more questioning is from now until the baby is here .... not when I have the baby.
My friend has offered me her pony as a summer loan so I will not have the commitment when the baby comes if I don't want to keep him on. But we have the option to continue if I want to.

No where around by us offers lessons for 3 year olds due to insurance nowadays.
Plus she wouldn't ride without me / with a stranger.
My friend up the yard has 3 horses & 2 kids, one is the same age as my daughter & she also works but I know money is the most struggle for her so she thinks I'll be fine, but I just wanted peoples opinions with working mums.

[Exasperatedusername1001]

I bought a pony for my six year old daughter when I was expecting twins and we thought it would help her feel special. She had been riding for about a year but no way could she cope riding or pony management wise without several more years of adult help.

The result was that I nearly went mad trying to manage it all and I know how to look after a pony! Small children need constant help and supervision. Stable yards can be dangerous places and other people can't take responsibility for your child. Your decision of course but she doesn't need and won't appreciate a pony for several years.

[LaurenH0893]

Yes she will certainly need help but I want to do it !
I cant ride anymore but I still want my horsey fix so it is partly for me too.
I don't care if im just shovelling sh*t for the rest of my pony days im happy with that aslong as I get pony time too.

So it's not all for my daughter it's for me too just no riding for me.

[Exasperatedusername1001]

One of the things that I found was that as time went on, I got tired, it got complicated managing a baby, later a toddler in a stable yard and my stress levels went through the roof and I ended up raging at everyone because I couldn't do it.
There are a lot of imlonderables in your situation including working and staying sane. If it's a summer loan, maybe it's an opportunity to try. I take it your DH/DP is on board with this? If he is, that may be a help, if not another question mark. Good luck whatever you decide.

[LaurenH0893]

I'm very routine based & strict with my schedule.
So I'm hoping we can work out a routine & everything will go smoothly.
I have lots of help at the yard & I think I'm just going to see how it goes over the summer & go from there !
Other half is non horsey & doesn't really care tbh. Will obviously help with the children & join us when he can but he says no shovelling poop !
Thanks everyone.

[CountryCob]

My top tip is to be on a yard where they have kids/ grandkids, that way yard will be set up more safely and grumpy kids shouldn’t be in the yard types have less leeway. That said keeping ponies and children safe is really tricky especially at first. Visualise where they could be safely - corner near stable etc. poo picking etc tricky and need pushchair to get kid there, need barrow also and can’t push both. I got my daughter a pony around 3 after borrowing a few on odd days. On our second, I only have one child though. Good ponies are I agree very hard to find. Hope it all works out and good luck

[LaurenH0893]

Our yard is very child friendly & we have a specific pony block / area so we are separate from the main yard & bigger horses.
There are lots of other children there & friends to help out with childcare if I need her watched for a moment, we have an indoor school in the centre of the yard too & a lot of the kids go & play & run around safely in there when there is a few of them.
I'm not worried about safety, I do have my head screwed on & would never put my daughter in harms way.
But horses are unpredictable as I know well, So will make sure the pony is the right one for us !

[Seamstressafter30]

Can you put the pony on full livery? I think that's the only realistic way it will work. Then you can pop down and ride/groom/tack up while knowing the pony is being properly looked after while you're not there so it's no big deal if you can't get to the yard one day.

[LaurenH0893]

My yard can offer more help but I feel like it's a waste having full livery been as I have 3 days off a week & finish work at 4pm Mon - thurs

I guess I could have the full care a few days a week to help me out, like a Monday is usually our fullest day so it would help that day.
Also my friend has an older daughter that has offered help whenever we need it so she will be able to chip in too hopefully.

[Seamstressafter30]

You're going to have a baby soon too so free time to look after a pony will be a premium.

If i were you I'd start from the position of full livery, and work back from there. It'll be good for you to have the option of full livery on the days you can't make it up the yard. As opposed to just planning for x to help muck out on Wednesdays if they can, or y might be able to do Sunday as long as she's not busy ... Basically don't get the pony relying on people who have said they'll help for free because if they renege, you're the one left in the crap. Planning to pay the livery provider for full livery from the off means that worst case scenario the pony is looked after. I'm assuming money isn't a problem but if it is obviously that wouldn't work. You've only got so many hours in a day, until the baby comes you can do more of the care yourself but after that, just make sure you've got the backup of someone else reliable who will be there to look after pony if you can't. What if you end up with a c section and can't muck out for 6 weeks? That kind of thing.

[Floralnomad]

When we got our son his second pony ( he had a Shetland from 18 months that died ) we put her on full livery with the intention of putting her on DIY after a couple of months - son and pony are now both 29 and she’s still on full livery .

[maxelly]

I mean it sounds like you really want to do it so why not since you have the option of the summer loan, will she not get very attached to the pony if she's so keen though? And you will def have to think of a way of explaining to her about the pony having to go away that isn't connected to her new brother/sister arriving as that would be a great way to cause sibling resentment!

Personally I do think you're a bit mad, I was knackered by 6 months pregnant and with a toddler to look after as well, no way would I have fancied an afternoon mucking out or poo picking even if I had the day off work, so if it was me (and me only) I'd say wait, make friends at the yard and ask if she can have a little ride on theirs every so often in exchange for ad hob jobs rather than getting her her own at her age, mine started riding properly at 4/5 ish and even then I found them very variable in how much they wanted/were able to do, one was very keen TBF and never said no, only ever got upset when it was time to stop so maybe is more like your DD, but the other 2 sometimes didn't want to ride at all or frequently were tired/bored/needed a wee within 10 mins of being on the pony - thankfully they didn't have their own at that stage or I think I would have felt pretty resentful of the expense and hours caring for the pony only for them to spend most of the time whining - I had quite enough of that with the effort it took to keep they themselves fed, clean and alive TBH, the pony was considerably easier . But seriously, if you really want a pony go for it but the mindset will have to be that its your pet with some side benefits for your DD rather than the other way around...

[Dobbysgotthesocks]

Have you thought about learning to drive? And then having a little ride and drive pony? It just sticks out to me that you say you can't ride but still very much want your horsey fix. I'm in a similar position (although without DCs) and am looking at driving as an alternative activity!

[Janedoe82]

I think you are bonkers. Honestly. She is three. You are going to be heavily pregnant. The fact that she can’t get group lessons is a good indicator she is too young. Take her up now and then for a lead round on your friends pony but leave it at that and focus on your three year olds other developmental needs.

[maddy68]

It isn't a hobby it's a way of life. Best if you can do part livery so you have some time in your day left ;).
It's all consuming great fun but dint be under any illusion. (also get used to the smell , in your car, in your hall. Everywhere 😂

[HighlandCowbag]

I made a mistake when dd was 2 of getting her a pony, for me as much as her. Was working 3 days a week and thought it would be manageable. It was OK over the summer, not OK in winter. No matter how much she loves the pony, she won't be happy freezing cold, wet, wind blown, slipping in mud.

I wish I had done some kind of part loan for me to get my pony fix. Her pony ended up on full livery, as did the subsequent 2 ponies. Dd is now 17 and ds 8 and I only went back to diy (which I actually love) last summer. And even with older children and being at uni (1.5 days a week, 24 weeks a year) it is still a struggle some days. Especially if the youngest is ill etc.

Having ponies and a family is a juggle. She is 3 and will enjoy the odd potter more than her own pony, especially when the novelty wears off. Ds loves his pony, loves being at the yard but some days he would rather do something else and that's fine and normal. But at 8 I can explain why we need to go and he understands. At 3 not so much.

[LikeAnOldFriend]

Would you always be wanting to see the pony with your daughter with you?

I am very lucky to still have my pony I've had since I was teenager, and now have two DC, 4 and 2. I have him on DIY livery although I'm very lucky that we help each other out on the yard taking turns with ins/outs so for the last couple of years at least I've only needed to be there once a day not twice.

I generally go to visit him without them, usually in the morning before my DH begins work, or at tea-time while he either gives them tea after his work or does bath. For me it's my time with my boy, and I find it infinitely easier paying attention to him and getting everything done without the little ones in tow. It sounds like you like the idea of caring for the pony and just wondered whether you getting a little escape to yourself most days to do the care would work?

However, I do often take my youngest when oldest is at nursery, and sometimes both of them, and it (usually!) works! Sometimes they sit in the car while I do things I can't have them out for or if the weather is awful (I can park right by barn door where I can see them which makes all the difference) and sometimes they "help" sweep up, make his dinner etc and we all walk to the field and back together - all possible because he's a plod and very kind to them (saves his grumping for me! )

It does sound like you've got a lot going on but if you decide to go for it all the best!

[LikeAnOldFriend]

Should have said though there's been times especially when they were babies the juggle was difficult - I don't think I would have taken on a new horse with the children so young or a baby on the way, but equally I found it doable keeping up with things for my boy most of the time and never had to consider moving to somewhere with full livery or a loan or anything, it's worked out ok!