Advice Needed please help

[Heathofhares]

I've posted here before about leaving my job at Christmas and maybe giving up teaching altogether, but I am drafting my letter of resignation and am still struggling to make a decision. I have anxiety which has flared up massively in the last few months. It makes it really hard to know what to do - I worry that leaving work will not take away the under lying issues.

I currently work part time. I have always really struggled to compartmentalise my teaching workload - in theory I have a couple of days off in the week that I can use to catch up on planning etc, but in reality I find it really hard to be effective and efficient with this time and the job I am paid 2 days a week for takes over my life. I am not present for my husband or kids (who have now named me 'grumpy mummy')

My role is officially a job share - but I am the 'lead' teacher and therefore responsible for all the planning, assessment etc. The other half of the job share is really just a cover position... so full class (SEN so fewer children but lots of additional paperwork/ support staff management etc) responsibilities fall to me. I feel out of my depth a lot of the time and I can get so overwhelmed by my workload I end up having to self-medicate just to open my emails.

All of this makes it clear that the answer is to leave. I am fortunate that financially we can manage without my salary (which is tiny anyway) until I can find something else.

But... I am 45, I have very little pension - I only retrained as a teacher in my mid 30s and my previous admin jobs were not pensionable. In the last 10 years I have had several breaks as a SAHM and my CV is a mess. In rational moments, I am also aware that I have probably done the hardest part - I've been in the post for a year. I have some great colleagues and a secure position. I know that the problem is not just the job but with my MH.

Sorry this is so long and disjointed - I am really struggling to be rational about it all and have few people I can really speak to about it in real life, friends see me unhappy and don't understand why I don't just quit.

[CuckooCuckooClock]

Have you taken some time off sick? If not then do that now. Don’t do any planning for your cover- tell your line manager that you are too ill to work. Get a note from your dr if necessary. Drs are used to signing teachers off with stress.
Then take a couple of days to relax. Watch films, go for walks, paint your nails (or whatever). Hopefully after a bit of time away from work your head will be clearer and then you can start planning for your future. At the moment you are so caught up in the day to day pressures that you can’t think straight. I’ve been there too and took 2 weeks off with stress and then it was half term so had 3 weeks away from school and when I went back I felt so much more able to cope. I still left that job anyway but it was a strategic career move rather than a reaction iyswim. Xx

[CuckooCuckooClock]

I work part time too (0.7FTE) and really struggle to compartmentalise my life. The goal is always to get planning and marking done on my days off so weekends and evenings can be family time but it’s a constant battle that I regularly lose. No advice on that front but you are not alone

[MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers]

I would speak to your union about the fact that you are solely repsonsible for planning/assessment etc when job sharing. The responsibilities for those should be shared by both of you.

[Heathofhares]

Thank you for posting.

The full planning responsibility is apparently justified because I get a full time allowance of PPA... it's just no where near enough - especially as I am not managing to make effective use of it.

The issues I am having are also not new. I have struggled with the same things in almost every teaching role I have had. The anxiety has been with me for more than 20 years in one form or another... I have taken time off in the past for it and I just find it harder to go back.

@CuckooCuckooClock - that's it exactly - even so part time it's always taking away any head space I need for other things.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think I need to move on from teaching and into a role that I don't need to take home with me.

Now just to manage the guilt that will be piled on about 'letting the children down' by leaving mid year...

[CuckooCuckooClock]

If it’s making you ill then you have to put yourself first. Try not to worry about the children. The system let’s the children down, not the individual teachers. Your own priority is you and your family.

[junebirthdaygirl]

I think teaching 8s an extremely difficult job to do if you are suffering with anxiety. There are just so many things to be anxious about. Just leave it and find a job you can walk away from at 5oclock. Could you tutor as your experience with SN would be very helpful.
I think it's completely unfair you are shouldering all responsibility for planning etc and l work in SN . The planning/paperwork is the difficult part ..the sound destroying part. You need to get the job your job sharing partner has!!!
Seriously though your mental health is the vital bit. Walk away and don't look back.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Soul destroying