Feeling deflated...

[heartonastring]

Hello,

I'm new here and this is my first post.
I was wondering if anyone would be able to give some advice. I will be ringing the union later but I think it might help to write it all out too.
In Oct I had a formal observation. The lesson went well, the children achieved and progressed withing the lesson. I've generally been considered a strong teacher and I work hard to give my best (whether that mans anything to this, I don't know.)
The feedback was from the head. The other observer was asked not to come and feed back, although I wasnt aware of this at the time. I was praised for the relationships I have with the children, the content, how I guided the support in the room and the differentiation. The conversation then took a sharp turn to one single negative. The head felt that there wasn't suffient stretch within the lesson. Lots of other things were said, unrelated to to the lesson, and it was a very unpleasant atmosphere where I just felt like I was being told off and that I'm not good enough. I took the challenge comment on board as an area to improve but felt the observation had an agenda that I wasn't aware of.
When I recieved my feedback, I wasn't awarded a grade or a place to sign. Unbeknownst to me, I had actually recieved a 'requires improvement grade.'
Nothing has been said of this since and I have continued to do my best, even though my confidence had taken a huge hit.
Fast forward to a book scrutiny this week. The head popped in and started going through my books. I don't mind that, although she was there 30mins and going through things in detail. I knew this time there was an agenda as my forml book scrutiny was to be the day after. I enjoy showing progress through the students books. I think its great opportunity to showcase and celebrate what they can do. I follow the mrking policy to the letter and work hard to offer verbal feedback and a comment, to address any misconceptions and move them on in their learning.
The formal book scutiny was going very well. This time by the DH and an AH, bearing in mind I had taken on board from my lesson observation about streching the children to achieve. They were pleased with this and could see a marked difference in the work form the beginning of the year. I then showed my english books and explained the current structure I had in place to promote challenge and independence. I should add, I work in SEN and have a brand new year 7 class. I have worked hard to nuture them and build up trust. The non accademic side of things, to me at least, is equally important. Not just through school but for life, too.
In English, we learn through a theme. I've got the children to build up sustained writing by introducing handwriting, but layering up the learning. So, checking their reading skills, SPaG and speking a listening skills. Now I know that they can sustain writing of a good period of time, now I can move them on to creative writing etc which is reflected in my planning. I had to build these skills up and have them in place for us to achieve the next step. They didn't like this strategy as they felt it pushed the children too much and was too "samey." I took the point about differentiation not being as clear but could show where it had taken place in each lesson. I could see they were displeased and I was asked to leave.
Yesterday I was pulled into the office and the DH has said they are going to formally observe me again next week. That I should be aware of this as I "failed" my prievous one. I don't know what to do to be honest. I constantly feel like I am not good enough and I am on anti depressants. To be honest, I don't want ot go in on Monday. I don't know if it will help putting it on here or if anyone can point out any glaring mistakes that I have made from the information I've given. Granted, I know there are two sides of the story.
Thank you for readind this if you got to the end.

[happyhappyme]

The union said they’d help but in their view, once the head starts this road, it’s just a matter of time.

The union at my soon to be ex school said the same thing when they were clearly determined to use redundancies to get rid of specific people who were better qualified than others for the jobs. They had decided who they wanted to go and were going all out for them.

[CuckooCuckooClock]

Similar happened to me last year.
I tried my best to jump through their hoops but they kept just telling me I was crap even after I did everything they asked of me.
In the end I left because they were never going to leave me alone and I was becoming really miserable and my teaching was getting worse not better.
The union said they’d help but in their view, once the head starts this road, it’s just a matter of time.

[winewolfhowls]

This has happened to me and about ten others in the large school I last worked at. I got out before it ramped up as I could see I was next in the head lights, as upper scale. Basically it was as if I was considered brilliant til I went off on mat leave but when I returned my teaching skills must have dropped out of my vagina along with my baby or at least thats what they thought! Suddenly everything I did was wrong.

It has really knocked my confidence despite doing well since (four years now) and if I'm honest I don't feel that my emotional resilience has ever recovered.

You sound really thoughtful and caring. Don't waste your time jumping through impossible hoops and doubting yourself. That was my mistake.

[wineandsunshine]

Oh op...I've just read your threads and wanted to reply and say good luck. Lots of great advice on here. Your SLT sound horrible 😞

Go in with your plan tomorrow and stay strong. You sound like a great teacher!

[FeckaDecka]

Right in which case you have a clear case of discrimination, off sick you go, union rep with you on your return and kick their arses....be prepared o threaten court action. Be brave.

[picklesdragonisawelshdragon]

Well done, that's a good spirit!

Honestly once you stop trying to please and start playing 'the game' it gets much less daunting.

[BigButtons]

Our school is pulling this stunt on loads of teachers. It’s awful.

[heartonastring]

Thank you all so much for your comments and support.
I'm not aware that I've done anything specifically, however I did have to ask them to look into my pay as they missed my performance management when I was on mat leave. They then awarded me a pay rise.
I'm not pregnant and no current plans to become so.
I'm on a 0.7 contract and I think that seems to be a bother to them (other part time staff have felt worried.)
I'm starting to feel a bit more confident and I'm forming a plan. I'm going to ask them for loads of help. Ask to defer the observation to a later date as I haven't currently had any support, so how would they see an improvement?
I will also tell them that I am disappointed in the way it's been handled and the apparent inconsistencies.
I'm going to try and be brave, even though I really don't feel it.
Thank you all again for your help and support

[Lindy2]

I'm not a teacher but I have a year 7 child with SEN who struggles with writing. I just wanted to say your approach of building up confidence sounds perfect. It would be exactly right for her. SEN children need consistency and small steps so "samey" is actually what they need. You're a good teacher for understanding that.

[FeckaDecka]

Get signed off, get union involved for your return to work meeting. Have you fell out with anyone? Are you pregnant or in their eyes likely to become pregnant? It's disgustingly inhumane for them to get rid of you for cheaper people if that's the case. There must be an agenda but there must be something to have initiated that agenda can you think of anything?

[PotteringAlong]

*agenda

[PotteringAlong]

Also, I think you need to start looking for other jobs. Rightly or wrongly, you are not going to stick out a hidden addenda.

[PotteringAlong]

You shouldn’t have a grade. I observed someone last week and didn’t make any judgement either formally or informally in terms of grading

[WalkingOutOfFlabbiness]

And as for today - order something that makes you feel good, new shoes, a book anything that makes you feel tall. Call that friend who speaks sense and know that they need you more than you need them - there are always other jobs

[WalkingOutOfFlabbiness]

The union can bring someone in - just read that bit- ask who your regional person is.

[WalkingOutOfFlabbiness]

I presume your HOD is supportive and that you like the school? Well this is your moment to achieve that thing that we want for our learners - real independence and resilience. You are obviously great. Even if you weren’t so what? We can all be off on one lesson (not that it sounds like you were) and our real merit is proven in our durability.
Your head has acted in an unfair and bullying manner - don’t let this happen. Bring it all out so everyone knows and there is no place to hide - there is no shame in this. Ask why they are giving grades when ofsted don’t, ask why you weren’t told what yours was, ask her why give a date for a book scrutiny then collect before hand? Ask if she can understand that the cumulative impact of these inconsistencies could leave a staff member feeling targeted. If you can’t ask this your union rep can for you? Loudly say how you values schools that support staff well being, push your HOD to stand up for you.
It’s always horrid when someone is negative but really as staff we need to be our own critic taking on comments from the staff we work with too. No one person can come into class and tell us anything too exciting one way or another.

These emotionally stunted bullies who do t have the capacity to often know why they are being negative towards certain staff should not be tolerated. I have seen this happen to great teachers - it’s isn’t about anything to do with your teaching. Hold on to go humanity but fuck ‘em!

[heartonastring]

We don't have a rep in school and the union just told me to sign off sick.
I know I've got to keep going and keep jumping hoops.

[redbirdblackbird]

That is really poor. Ofsted no longer grade individual lessons so there is absolutely no reason for smt to do it either. It should be about ascertaining the overall quality of teaching throughout the school and any areas for improvement. It sounds extremely old fashioned, but maybe with a new head in September things will change for the good! It’s so difficult going in feeling deflated. Short half terms coming up though. Can you ask for someone else to be in the feedback session you have? Like a union rep

[heartonastring]

@redbirdblackbird, everyone else got a grade and sheet to sign. My form had no grade or anywhere to sign. After my observation, I'd had no contact from SMT regarding my observation or support put in place. I wasn't aware at all.
Also, I hear what you are saying about attendance. In the whole time I've been there, bar 9 months for maternity, I've only had 2 sick days.

[Canadianpancake]

If you 'failed' your first lesson observation, what targeted support was put in place to address it? It sound like you are being managed out op.

[redbirdblackbird]

And good luck, you sound like a great teacher. Try to hold your head up and focus on the children

[redbirdblackbird]

Hi, I am a senior leader and at any training I have been to in the last 5 years we have been told that it is no longer correct to give a grade for a lesson. You should just get feedback and ways to improve. They might unofficially discuss it Between themselves and say it would have previously been RI, but it shouldn’t be formally recorded anywhere. If you are going to start applying for other roles, be careful how much time you take off. I know people will think badly of me for saying that, but attendance does matter

[SpaghettiSharon]

You sound like you’re doing everything you should be (you clearly value marking way more than I do ) and are being treated very badly. I would also be looking for another job .

[picklesdragonisawelshdragon]

I lost confidence and never recovered it in a similar situation to you. Don't underestimate how hard it is to come back from this kind of thing.

What I'm saying is, look for other jobs, stop trying to please this team 'cos it may not happen.

[heartonastring]

I just don't know if I can go in tomorrow. I feel so anxious. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to teach and face the people who are monitoring me. I also don't know how I can face my team when I feel like such a failure. The head announced that he is leaving at the end of the year. I only have a few months to hang on.