Teaching destroys me, but I cannot find anything else.

[Coffeetrrunk]

I like the kids, but it just destroys my confidence. I get lower and lower every term, and only seem to revert back to the person I really am in the summer holidays. I was off stick with stress a year or so ago, am on Ad's have had tonnes of CBT and Mindfulness, reduced my hours, but I still hate it. Well don't hate it, but just feel crap at it.

I have looked and looked for other alternatives until I am blue in the face. Unfortunately we need the money I bring in, and I just cannot find similar money elsewhere. I would up my hours elsewhere if I could find something, but I can't. How do the rest of you cope?

[mummytime]

Would working somewhere like a PRU be better? Or move into FE? Or run your own (art) classes?
Maybe look at museum or art gallery work? Or for a Charity?

[cleoowen]

Muminthesun- how did you get into nursery? Is it a private nursery or attached to a school? Did you have experience beforehand?

I am thinking of doing this as year after year supply Teaching has been paying less and less.

[Phineyj]

Hi OP, this sounds rotten. You sound like a perfectly good teacher and I don't see what more you can do to adapt to your job. There's no two ways round it, the system at your school stresses you and your brain is telling you that loud and clear. I can relate as I also find all the monitoring a pain, but I have more of a 'play the game to keep them happy' sort of personality. Could you look at the independent sector? I teach a subject that is very popular in independents (I am in a state grammar) and my colleagues in independents report a lot less target setting stuff. There is also less pressure to teach in the currently fashionable style. Plus if they want you, they can match your salary to get you.

Regarding the advice above about arts and museum jobs, I wouldn't take it. I switched from the arts to teaching because of the job insecurity, low pay and poor prospects. I had no pension either and much longer hours. The stress levels were also high and there were many more candidates chasing each job than in teaching.

[EvilTwins]

OP, this makes me really . I get such a buzz out of my job, and I really feel for you. We've lost teachers from our school who have had to take time off with stress and anxiety, and haven't felt able to come back.

What kind of support do you get at school? If you're a creative subject (I'm Performing Arts) are you in a small dept (I am) and does that help or hinder? Nothing really to add except ((hugs)) and to urge you to remember it's only a job, at the end of the day, and your health is more important.

[NotAsTired]

Sorry, I meant to say "it's only an outstanding lesson if x y and z is seen in this lesson".

[NotAsTired]

coffeetrrunk. My DP and I are both teachers and we both get totally where you are at.

DP hates hates his job and wants out but is at a loss of what to do. He is an "outstanding" teacher but his stress levels are so high. It's the constant scrutiny, the lack of management support, the endless book trawls, the learning walks, observations which are "supportive" but which leave you feeling like shit, the not being left alone to teach using your judgement, the endless checklist of its only an outstanding lesson.

In order to cope, he went part time but actually, he is still as stressed as ever. I am a supply teacher but I have started applying for office jobs because I'm fed up of supply and I know I can't cope with a full time job in teaching and p/t posts are like gold dust.

I would suggest that if you need a steady income then supply is not the answer. You say you do a creative subject. Art? Drama? Music? Have you thought about looking at say, being an education officer for a arts company or a museum, something like this? Look at artsjobs.co.uk or uk.music-jobs.com or museumjobs.com or even guardianjobs for these kinds of jobs. Or have you thought of being a hospital teacher? I'm assuming, of course, that you want to still engage with children.

[funchum8am]

How about a pastoral but non teaching role? Many schools, including mine, have non teachers as assistant heads of year or heads of year.

[rosabud]

Thank you for being so honest about this, I have been feeling exactly the same (even down to liking teenagers but feeling that the job is, oddly, not really about helping them properly - does that make sense?) People also say exactly the same things about me - that I am good/too hard on myself etc etc. I am one of life's worriers but, generally, in all other areas of my lfe except teaching, am pretty confident and capable. I am not as experienced as you, though, and last year was my NQT year but I was only on a temporary part time contract so have not completed my NQT. I also hated the scrutiny/constant judging which, after the mega-stress of the PGCE, was particularly onerous to go through again in my NQT year - I hated it. I also manged to pick a really "challenging" school, was given all bottom sets and turned out to be crap at behaviour management - so, all in all, the whole thing was an anxiety-filled roller coaster of disaster.

Instead of completing my NQT, I have become a TA this year in a much "nicer" school and am really enjoying it. The money is awful so, although I can cope for now, it is not a long term solution. One thing I am particularly enjoying is the opportunity to observe lessons and more experienced teachers at work. I am hoping this might help my confidence and I might be able to return to teaching at some point. (But it won't be the end of the world if I can't.)

I hope you find a solution, that anxiety is a killer and you can't go every day forever with that.

[Coffeetrrunk]

Thanks for all your replies. I identified myself as one of those highly sensitive types years ago I have tried for jobs in HE, but I teach a very specialised area, and very few come up. I am less keen on Fe, as I believe their conditions are worse than ours.

As I said, I have tried and tried to find other jobs, but I will just have to keep on looking I guess

[squiddle]

www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

Just found her self-test online. I read her first book on the highly sensitive child, and found it so useful

[squiddle]

You might find it interesting to read Elaine Aron's Highly Sensitive Person: how to thrive when the world overwhelms you.

[readysteady]

Have you thought about moving into FE or HE

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

How long have you been at your current school?

What you say about liking teenagers is such an important part of teaching. Honestly, truthfully, there are schools out there that care more about kids than statistics. It might be worth seeking one out!

My school cares about both, but I have never felt 'under scrutiny' - is that the problem?

[soimpressed]

Have you considered supply teaching? Like you I'm a good teacher but I couldn't cope with the constant monitoring. I considered TA work but the pay is awful so now do supply. If the work isn't there for secondary could you try doing supply in primary - I've met some some secondary teachers doing that.

[Hassled]

Could you move sideways into something more pastoral, or a parent support advisor type role?

You're right that it's all about the confidence - but when I read what you've written, what I see is a teacher who is still "good" despite the crippling anxiety and the self-doubt. If you can still be good with all that shit going on, you're doing bloody well.

I realise you don't want to talk to SMT, but are there any colleagues you could confide in?

[Coffeetrrunk]

I don't know how to raise my confidence.

[Coffeetrrunk]

I have confidence in all other areas of my life. I wasn't always a teacher, and I had confidence when in those other jobs.

I have had so much CBT (3 rounds) and Mindfulness. Nothing has made any difference at all. I can challenge the thoughts, but they still come, and challenging them doesn't change my mindset in the least. I wish it did. I've worked so hard on my CBT .

I think its confidence and resilience I need to work on. TBH, all my classes were delightful today, even my giddy Y10's last lesson. This is the rub, I like teenagers. I find them really likeable, even the difficult ones. I want them to enjoy what they are doing, I want to be nice to them, and help them, they are so entertaining and, well sweet really. That's why I went into teaching, but somehow, it seems teaching isn't about that any more. Its all about perfoming like an actor to judge and jury, and that just seems both both wrong and pointless. I would have been an actor if that was what was expected of me. I get stage fright, but that doesn't seem to matter. Nothing seems to matter except how well you peform under scrutiny.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. I really feel for you OP. It sounds like you're good at your job but you don't believe you're good. I just wonder if it would be any different in any other job. It sounds like you've already tried working on your confidence, but I honestly think that - not the job itself - is what you need to work on. Can you go back to your GP or seek out a sympathetic colleague or counsellor to get help from?

[muminthesun1]

Coffeetrunk it sounds miserable for you. It sounds like you're doing a good job and just being overly harsh on yourself. To be honest, even if you were a kind teacher who teaches satisfactory lessons that is good enough. It sounds like you're being really harsh on yourself and that your experiencing a lot of anxiety. Basically when things are bad at work you have 3 options

1. change your job
2. Change the way you do your job
3. Change your attitude to your job

Maybe you need a bit of 2 and 3. Could your GP help with some anxiety medication and could you try hypnotherapy maybe?

Good luck, I hope things improve for you

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Encouraging to hear that it's quite common for teachers to work as TAs, as I'm applying for these ATM - and have worked as TA for one year (but sadly was only a one year contract and didn't continue) Will give me more confidence knowing that others have taken this path too.
Have also enjoyed both nursery teaching and supply (nursery supply in London was the best niche I've found so far !) But sadly nursery classes not so common where I am now - out in the stix !
Good luck to you OP - I'd say you have to consider a move of some kind even with a slight pay cut for the sake of well-being and happiness ?

[thecatfromjapan]

How is everything at home? I sometimes think that some of the people who cope well have people/friends/partners/family behind them giving love and support. That kind of back-up really helps: and its absence can really pull you down.

[nkf]

You like the kids. They get good results. Your obs are good. All positive. Yet you still are unhappy. It might be looking at why. Are you generally unhappy. Clearly you aren't crap. Not based on external evidence. Yet you think you are. It might be worth exploring why despite all the positive strokes, you are unhappy. Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time.

[Coffeetrrunk]

Yeah, that's about right, that's just what's happening. Wish I could find something else....

[thecatfromjapan]

By the way, I'm not saying "Get me, I'd make a great teacher." In fact, I'm saying the opposite - I think it would pull me apart/I'd fall apart. What I mean is that I sense a kinship in you. I'm the sort of person who would try with everything they had to "do OK", even if it was something that was quite unrealistic. And I would never realise that I was actually doing OK, even if I was.

I really sense something of that in your post.

(And you are making me think about all the reasons that I don't want to be a teacher.)