Missing your child's events when you're teaching

[Verycold]

Christmas plays, sports day... The list is endless, how do you cope emotionally and/or practically? I am going back to teaching after ages away and the thought of this is really getting to me after never missing anything before.

[Verycold]

Mrs Salvo, I know lots of people working in offices who have the flexibility of going in later or moving their lunch break. Teachers don't have that flexibility

[MrsSalvoMontalbano]

This could be renamed 'missing your child's events when you are working'! All working parents have to somehow juggle this - where are all the imaginary employers that give their staff time off to attend events? At least teachers have most of the holidays with their children, a luxury most other working parents don't have.

[olivo]

Wow, I realise from reading this how lucky I am. I SMS echo dary, and my head has always allowed time off for nursery and school things. I suppose I manage to go around three or four times a year, has been more this year with transition to school for youngest. He'd says family comes first, I am secondary teacher.

I give a lot of my own time to my school though, so I guess that helps.

[JRY44]

The Head at my school will not allow time off, but complains when parents do not attend things at school!

I have missed many things but sadly that is just the way it is. I tell my son it is so I can have all holidays with him. You are allowed a certain amount of time for children under a certain age which means you can have time off for first day of school etc. but heads don't like to remember that law!!

[cricketballs]

I think it is easier in secondary - for example my DS's sports day was this week and I should have had year 11 so there wasn't an issue at all with me being able to go. Other times then as a department we cover each other if we are free to enable parents to attend.

I am shocked though snot that you have even had a statement review meeting turned down; every head I have worked for has always ok'd this without question

[Pozzled]

It's not terrible to miss stuff. You'll be with your DCs for the vast majority of the holidays, which is something that most working parents can't do, and is really valuable as well.

My DD1 is just finishing reception- I've had to miss a couple of things, but she didn't really notice or mind. She did, however, notice and very much enjoy the days we spent together on the holidays. (Especially as DD2 was still in nursery for some of that time, so it was just her and me!).

So try to focus on the benefits.

[Hulababy]

My head does acknowledge its unfair of her to ask parents to come to events but not her staff, hence she does try to accommodate everyone for key events for their children. I have always been able to go to prize day for example, been to the memorial for dd's teacher who died this year, etc

[TreeLuLa]

We have 5 rolling days of Family Friendly time we can take.

Most parents need to use it for illness, but I am lucky that DH is at home with the DTs so I can use it to go to SPorts day, CHristmas show etc.

I did miss their first day at Preschool thought as it was also on the first day of term.

[Verycold]

Somebody slap me. There is a thread going at the mo with lots of people saying it's terrible to miss stuff and I feel very

[BackforGood]

I think it's probably harder to get your head around, as you've been used to going over the last few years / for your older two.
IME, I went back to work when each dc was 3 months old, so you just accept that it's part of the deal.
I do agree it depends a lot on the Head though, and, to some extent, the rest of the staff.

[2468Motorway]

I know teaching is slightly less flexible but plenty of working parents inc me do not make every event. I do make it to the Christmas show and 1 assembly for each child but I haven't done sports day (their dad goes). There are just too many events in working hours.

We try to make sure that someone is there for the sort of thing every child has a parent at but not for the helping out type things and days. They are lovely and one I'd us will try but what with the school holidays and occasional sick days its just too hard to keep taking leave. Also I work in a less flexible job too.

[Verycold]

That's just school events

[Verycold]

It is crazy really isn't it, I worked out that just for ds there are about 15 things per year to go to!

[schooldidi]

I don't feel hypocritical either. I think the problem is that primary schools have so many things they want parents to come to. It still seems to be the expectation at some schools that one parent is either at home all the time or works flexibly and part time so they can go to all of these "fantastic" events.

Dd1 has never missed me at anything, she knows I have to work and I don't get to choose my holidays like some other parents.

OP I think you and your dcs will adapt more easily than you think right now. We're all remarkably adaptable when we need to be. All you can do is ask for some of the big things, if you get to go to them great, if not then it's really not the end of the world. My mum was a teacher and never managed to get to any of my school events, I have no ill feelings about that at all, and never did as a child. She feels guilty about it, but my siblings and I never really paid it that much attention.

[Arisbottle]

No I don't think it is hypocritical, I have far longer holidays than the average parent.

[Verycold]

Argh I feel so despondent about it, like I made a huge mistake. Ds has hospital appointments as well, don't know what we will do to fit it all in. On the other hand I'm lucky really to have got a job after 12 years of being at home

[schooldidi]

The only school events I have ever managed to go to were when I was on maternity leave. My friend asks to go to quite a few things at her kids school and as long as she has managed to organise cover through favours within the department the head hasn't had a problem with it (and yet he had a huge problem with another colleague attending a funeral this week ), but her dcs are at a school 5 mins walk from ours whereas mine are at a school near home which is 30 mins dirve away so would take more covering.

I have generally tried to get my parents to go along to the important things, and since my mum retired they've both been to everything the school has invited anyone to. When we lived closer to them my dad was the 'parent helper' they asked first for every school trip because they knew he was always available and keen to help out.

[BoysRule]

Do you not think it is a bit hypocritical as a teacher to not be allowed to go to your own child's school events? We put on a nativity play, assemblies, open afternoons etc that we expect parents to attend, yet we can't attend our own child's.

I remember a Head I once worked for saying that we should be aware of children who were going to breakfast club and after school club every day as it was too much for them at that young age - and someone pointing out that her staff's children would have to do the same!

I haven't taught yet with my own children at school age and I would feel terrible if I couldn't go to assemblies etc.

[Noggie]

It is so hard- I asked and got to go to Christmas show but can't do school trips and other parent helper type things. My dd knows I work but would love for me to be more involved with her school and doesn't understand why other mummies who work can attend and I can't x

[snotfunny]

My Head is unsympathetic and I've stopped asking. The only thing I kick up a fuss about us my DS's statement reviews - and even then I don't only go on alternate years and send DS's dad with my written comments on the other years. I also don't go to his hospital appointments. I bend over backwards, yet the Head still gave me a stern talking to when baby DD got chicken pox and DP was working away as I had to stay off for the whole week. It sucks