Older cat hates new kitten (and me). How long should I give it?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Our older cat really doesn’t cope well when we go away - he cries all the time and cries for days afterwards too. Our lovely cat sitter said she thought he would benefit from cat company. A friend had rescued three kittens (found by the side of the road - their mother had been run over and killed) and asked us if we would like one. We said yes - we previously had a kitten, and he loved her (unfortunately the love was unrequited and we rehomed her after four years as she just wanted to be left alone and not washed and cuddled all the time, which is what he wanted to do).

It’s been a week now, and he has started hissing and growling at me when she’s not around. He hasn’t attacked her, but hisses and growls at her when he sees her. We had an uneasy truce last night when they were both on the bed together, but it’s got worse again this morning. When she’s not around, he’s his usual cuddly lovable self, but when she’s around he is aggressive to me as well as her.

A friend of mine had the kitten’s sister, and would take our kitten too. Are they never going to get on, or should I give it longer? And if I give it longer, how much longer? I just want to cuddle him, but he’s having none of it.

[vanillandhoney]

@Regularsizedrudy

Cats don’t want company.

Definitely not true in all cases! We have three unrelated cats and they all play and snuggle together with no issues whatsoever.

OP please don't worry. A setback in that situation is normal. Have you tried Feliway do similar?

[Sooverthemill]

@Regularsizedrudy ours do! They love each other and also curl up,with the dogs

[Sooverthemill]

You've deserted your cat and he's confused. He's now punishing you to demonstrate how much he cares about stability and routine. Try to just reinforce your love for him and the new kitten. We had this issue when DD has cancer treatment and I was away with her for 16 in every 21 days for 5 months. Each time it took a couple of days for cats to warm up ( and we had rehoused an elderly cat a few weeks before this happened not knowing she had cancer) and the elderly new one did get short shrift from the two main cats. But feliway and love and dreamies helped. If you older cat is n well he will want to be alone a lot. We always let sick cats live in the bathroom ( if they want to) with a litter tray. Whenever we pack any kind of bab now the cats come and sit in the bag to make sure we take them too.

[Regularsizedrudy]

Cats don’t want company.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

We’ve now gone backwards. I was away for a week due to having to have an operation and a few days of self isolation. During this time, the older cat had a flare up of his wee problem, and was obviously uncomfy and started to hiss at the kitten. He’s also on medication for high blood pressure. We’ve separated them, so the kitten stays with me in the study when I am wfh, and when the big cat has his nap, we give her the run of the house for a few hours. She gets shut in the study at night when we go to bed (big cat sleeps on my head).

Until the big cat got ill, there was toleration and they were sharing the same space with no/minimal hissing. Last night he was hissing and throwing himself at the study door. Then he came to bed with us and was his normal purry self.

I can’t rehome the kitten with her sister as my friend has had to move to a smaller apartment (she feels that there is barely enough room for the one kitten), and has also found out that she is pregnant.

I just want to get back to where we were before!

[Oldestchild90s]

Beautiful cats 😻

[MrsSchadenfreude]

A quick update - we have the occasional episode of hissing, but the love is continuing to blossom and they are now sleeping together on the sofa. Thank you to everyone who gave helpful advice.

[Beamur]

That's lovely.
No way do my cats do that after nearly a year!

[AnnaMagnani]

A week is nothing! It took months for Old Lady Cat to accept that 2 kittens had arrived. In the end we just let them fight it out as the slow introductions were getting nowhere.

There is toleration and she will still hiss at Silky Cat after 2 years but to be fair to her, Silky Cat is extremely annoying.

Progress such as yours - never!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

No hissing or growling. Both purring. 👍🏼

[MrsSchadenfreude]

OK, we have made a lot of progress today!

[BovaryX]

Just read your updates. Blimey, sounds like he has adjusted to the kitten! If it's going well, great news

[BovaryX]

I think it was very bad advice to get a kitten to keep your cat company. Your cat is clearly unhappy with the new addition. A kitten is easier to rehome than an older cat. My advice? Your original cat comes first. Rehome the kitten. And ignore future advice about getting him a feline companion. He doesn't seem to want one.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Yes, op said upthread shitten now a happy only child. Ops boy has strong paternal instincts by the sounds of it.

[EachandEveryone]

Was it rehomed?

[Fluffycloudland77]

@EachandEveryone it’s a cat who toilets everywhere but the tray.

[steppemum]

does your older cta like dreamies?

We got a dog and our cat wasn't impressed. We persuaded him back into family life with dreamies. We sat on the sofa with dreamies, and he would creep closer and closer and have couple and then stay for a bit. With the dog lying down on the floor near by. It worked for him.

(and before anyone asks we had seperate zones and safe places for the cat etc etc as well)

[MrsSchadenfreude]

They are curled up on the bed about a foot apart. The older cat is facing the younger one, and is on his back with his paws in the air (“like he just don’t care!“) and she is sprawled on her side. Both asleep and purring/snoring.

[Bargebill19]

Early days. Have you tried the calming drops from pets at home? You put them on the cats neck - has worked like a dream for us.
We have introduced two elderly cats to three very boisterous kittens this week. Like you, we can’t separate them. Old cats have gone from hissing to purring and sharing food within half a day. By day four, they are all happy and have both their own sleeping spots and share happily the communal bits. I did do the sharing of smells with blankets for 17 weeks - not that you would have noticed when first introduced !

[EachandEveryone]

What’s a shitten?

[Toilenstripes]

@Pancakeorcrepe

Rehome the kitten with your sister today - don’t be waiting until the cute kitten stage is over and then hand out a stressed kitten to her who needs to adapt all over again.
And don’t get anymore pets whilst you have your cat, you sound well intentioned but a bit chaotic. You need to do more research and think things through so you are not in this situation where you have had to rehome animals twice.
Kittens easily find a home so this kitten you have now could already be settled with a forever family rather than being passed on from pillar to post. Animals are not objects and I’m sure the kitten will be fine in the grand scheme of things but it is not helpful for kitten to have all this kerfuffle. They need stability. Cats in general don’t like change.

All of this in spades. Just let your older cat enjoy his life without bringing in another animal.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

@Fluffycloudland77 oh yes. He cried for her for months after she left, kept looking for her and miaowing at me. He had a toy kitten that he used to carry round, cuddle and wash. When that fell apart, a snowman from the Christmas tree took its place. Then there was a brief flirtation with Zippy.

They are now sitting close-ish on the bed. There has been some mutual sniffing but no more hissing and growling - yet. They are both sprawled out on their backs and I am hopeful that this is a good sign.

[Fluffycloudland77]

You wrote eloquently about the shitten & the older cat wanting too much of her. Hence I remembered.

[Beamur]

It's my kitten that does the chasing too. Older cat has been remarkably patient given she's obviously not delighted they are here!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

They are both having a nice sleep now, with me in between them as cat buffer. I do feed them in separate places and they have separate litter boxes. DD’s room is the kitten’s safe place as she can get away from the other cat there, although it is generally her who does the chasing.