Tell me your funniest cat stories.

[Toddlerteaplease]

Just that really!

[TheCakes]

A few years ago we got a toy tiger paw on a trip to the zoo. When you bash it, it roars like a tiger. Somehow it's ended up under the edge of our bed.
Last week Ozzy spotted it and decided it was time to stalk his prey. He got low down, crept up on it and pounced.....
.....and it roared back at him!!!
Poor kitten flew out of the bedroom faster than I've ever seen him move and now he won't go near that side of the bed, where the scary creature lives.

[iloveeverykindofcat]

She is stunningly beautiful and very sweet. Not the sharpest tool in the shed (I also have an intelligent cat for comparison) but hey, its not like she has to go out and earn a living.

[Weedsnseeds1]

That looks like a happy mix of genes!

[iloveeverykindofcat]

A prizewinning Abyssinian queen and a local tomcat co-operated to lever a window open whilst she was in heat. The results are attached. Mine is the elfin tricolour in the middle, eyes open.

[Weedsnseeds1]

I used to work at a factory that cut and packed Edam. A lot of wax cracks off when you are cutting it. It's very therapeutic to knead and fiddle with it at your desk, then you absent mindedly shove it in your pocket and forget to check pockets when you throw your clothes in the wash. Everyone at that place had red streaked work clothes!

[cozietoesie]

Oneago thieved an entire large net of BabyBel one day. Took it from the kitchen and upstairs to the bedroom - doubtless so that he could eat in comfort. I had been to the shops and arrived home to find the entire bedroom (pale fawn carpet) covered in litter and red wax. Oneago was flat out on the bed snoring in satiety.

I should give masterclasses on the .Housekeeping Board about getting coloured wax out of pale carpet!

[1980sChick]

My first cat who I miss dearly came to us as my 18th birthday present. Needless to say he was my fur baby.

For his 1st Christmas I decided to buy him a present so I spent the afternoon wrapping all my gifts up and put them under the tree.

The next day me and my brother arrived home from college to see our cat lying on his back drooling amongst torn wrapping paper and boxes, baubles all off the tree literally looked like we'd been burgled there was that much mess.

That was the 1st and last time I bought him catnip as a present. And also the day I found out why cats love the stuff so much

[OliviaStabler]

Not my cats but next doors. Years ago I cooked some sausages for my lunch. Decided to cook more than I needed and would eat the others later.

While eating lunch I heard noises from the kitchen. Walked in to see both neighbours cats eating the leftover sausages like they had never been fed. They'd managed to get I'm through a tiny gap in the kitchen window. Neither looked embaressed so I left them to it

[Meridien]

When I was about six and had Tom, my much loved first cat, a huge black and white badass cat:

Dad looked out of the kitchen window at Tom munching on some bacon rashers, and said ‘The cat’s eating our breakfast bacon’. Mum: ‘We haven’t got any bacon...’

Another time Tom came in carrying a piece of haddock, fried on one side and still hot.

Back in the 1980s when we moved house, I had to work on the day of the move. My (now ex-) OH promised all would go well, logistics was his professional field after all. When I left the old house in the morning three cats, their litter trays and food and water, were safely shut in the designated bedroom and the sign saying not to open the door, cats inside, was stuck to the door.

Getting to the new house at around 6 in the evening. I saw the same sign on the bedroom door where I expected it to be, and breathed a sigh of relief. Then a removal man walked past me and said ‘We been in there missus, ain’t no cats in there’. !&*%!!! After some heated phone calls we tracked down the estate agent who, fortunately for my OH, still had the keys as the new owners weren’t moving in until the following day.

We raced back to the house just managing to keep inside the speed limit, and rescued our cats. They looked a bit puzzled but they were a lot cooler than we were. The two just-neutered kittens, still with stitches in, had been well looked after by our elderly neutered boy nursemaid moggy and all was well. Except for the ex... !

Squirrel, a part-Siamese fruitcake, couldn’t tolerate closed doors. She was asleep on the sofa when OH closed the living room door when he came in. Neuroticat immediately woke up, went and sat beside the closed door howling her stripey head off. As soon as I opened the door she went back to the sofa and went back to sleep. As thick as two short planks with a short plank filling, but adorable.

Biggles, Squirrel’s sister, a roly-poly runt with a low centre of gravity just right for fishing, kept leaving neatly nibbled fish skeletons complete with heads, on the garden path. This went on for a few weeks one summer. Taking a walk one evening I met two neighbours discussing the fish disappearing from a garden pond. ‘Must be that heron’ I said, and walked on. Whoops, that was close!

[Ilovecaindingle]

My childhood cat used to bring worms in and sing to them loudly!! Never killed them tho!!
A crabby Persian I had used to stop our dog getting close to the fire. Hissed and spat if she dared get a paw on the rug!!

[bertsdinner]

Mine does a really weird forward roll when he lunges at his "cat teaser", feather on a stick toy. He rolls over on the shoulder, I call it his commando roll.

[pterobore]

And I used to have a lovely sphynx and one summer she was outside rolling around and two crows flew down next to her. Her tail was completely hairless and it'd never occurred to me before that day how much it looked like a worm or snake. And I looked over to her and the crows are trying to pick up her tail. She was so friendly that she didn't seem to mind

[user1482261465]

Not a funny story as such but my mums cat plays fetch. If you throw a ball for him he will bring it back and drop it at your feet, my dog won't even play fetch lol

[pterobore]

My darling mog cat one year found a nest of baby rabbits and brought one home. She was just coming through the cat flap with the live rabbit in her mouth when I saw her. I sort of squeaked her name and she froze with her head through the cat flap and posted the rabbit into my utility room before reversing back out the cat flap. We then had a fun 20 minutes trying to catch it. She died earlier this year and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen a cat do.

On another occasion one or my cats caught a mouse (they're not usually so good at hunting) and to stop it running away I put my hands over it. Unfortunately I was wearing a long sleeve top and didn't have the best coverage of the mouse and it ran right up my sleeve and into my top.

[abbsisspartacus]

Fat cat dragged home joints of pork and beef he also got chased by a blackbird and crapped on while he did a rapid waddle home

[hollinhurst84]

Ollie ran outside this week, smacked neighbours cat around the head with his paw and ran back in. Poor neighbours cat just sat there while he did it twice more

Stable cat has many tales but probably the time she decided to launch off the fence onto the bum of the hottest, sharpest horse on the stables. As it was being ridden. That went... Well
She also watches every mare give birth and will be frantic until she has seen the foal and then totters off chirruping to herself

[Weedsnseeds1]

leopard I think your cat and the tortie girl I had in London were litter mates. She carted home a Dover sole one day and also dragged a duck breast across my mother's cream carpets to devour it under the duvet upstairs.
The same cat also broke through two sliding doors ( converted them to giant cat flaps by bashing them out of the runners, rather than just pushing them open) to steal two pounds of sausage meat one Christmas.
Current cat threw a live frog at me from the top of the stairs.

[Toddlerteaplease]

These are brilliant!

[Maudlinmaud]

cozie I just pictured that!

[Janey50]

One of our cats brought a live bat in one night,about 4 years ago. What fun we had trying to catch it and release it.

[cozietoesie]

My father used to chase Firstcat down the kitchen corridor which had Lino for all of its length. (It was a ritual they had.) Firstcat would do a sort of three paw drift/scrabble into the kitchen on the left and then run for his hidey hole. ( Also part of their ritual.)

Unfortunately, my mother decided to buy a polishing machine one day and in a fit of unwonted houseproudness, decided to polish the whole corridor to a high glassy shine. Father chased Firstcat as normal but when he approached the open kitchen door on his left, he went into his 'turn' and - getting no purchase on the high gloss polish - flipped over onto his backside and sailed, on his backside, down the rest of the corridor until he landed in a heap of dirty clothing on the laundry floor.

He wasn't hurt but his pride took an almighty battering. He didn't speak to the family for the longest time!

[PastysPrincess]

On a hot summers day we had left the back door open most of the day letting the cat wander in and out as she wanted. It was getting late and turning a bit cold so we shut the door after she wandered out for the last time. Five minutes later whilst just sitting there peacefully watching tv something smacks into the glass on the back door. my cat had obviously been spooked by something and ran full pelt into the glass not realising the door had been shut.

We went out to check she was ok but she wouldn't come near us for a good hour. She was such a stulid clumsy thing but I loved her to bits. Lost her 3 years ago at 17 years old

[Maudlinmaud]

My cat did a really outraged dance and scream on the windowsil one morning, I thought she had caught her foot in the radiator or something. Went over to rescue her and there was another moggy on the outside glaring up at her. How I laughed

[gamerchick]

Mines just a grumpy git because i won't turn the sun on. I never thought I would see a bored, pissed off cat because its cold. I understand every dirty look and meow swear word.

[Vinorosso74]

I'm liking the cat coming in with a crab!