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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

The litter tray

Is it wrong to mourn my cat as I would a member of the family?

34 replies

donna20 · 13/09/2013 10:37

My beautiful cat got ran over and killed yesterday and I feel as it I've lost not only a beloved pet but also a family member.Feel numb,keep bursting in to tears and am finding it really hard to explain to my 3 yr old that his furry friend won't be coming back when he keeps asking for her.Anyone else been in this situation Help.

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SuperiorCat · 18/09/2013 18:03

So sorry for your loss - when fluff-cat died the DCs were too upset to go to school that day - and I was too upset to be able to speak properly when I rang school to let them know I had to keep stopping mid conversation and sobbing.

I took the DCs to the garden centre and let them choose a nice shrub and they wrote her letters to put in her grave.

I really feel for you.

WinterWinds · 18/09/2013 17:51

I lost my 11 month old female to the road 3 1/2 weeks ago and 4 days later I had to have my 12 year old male PTS.
I feel like I have lost a limb although we still have 2 cats left. I have been struggling to cope but am just taking one day at a time.
I have lost 4 cats in the last 4 years, but because I lost 2 in such a short time I have found it especially hard going this time

I certainly didn't think it was possible to shed as many tears as I have in the last 3 weeks.
So no it's not wrong to grieve for your lost pets, they are part of the family. I'm just hanging on to the good memories and know it will get better with time. I can actually speak about them both now without bursting into tears, but I cant think too much as it sets me off.

I hope you feel a little better today and hopefully with each passing day it will get a tad easier. My thoughts are with you x

Snugglepiggy · 15/09/2013 20:51

Sorry for your loss and grief for pets can be just as profound - they are part of the family.We lost our lovely boy to sudden illness 10 days ago.All such a shock.I have had cats all through my life but he was the loveliest,cuddliest and most full of personality and I will simply never forget how much he meant to us for the ten years we had him.Our dog is an old,old boy nearing the end of his days too and we will all grieve terribly for him too.our pets bring us so much joy,but along with that comes the sadness of saying goodbye.all the best.

lurkedtoolong · 15/09/2013 15:26

I am so sorry for your loss, your lovely little cat was a member of your family and it's right to mourn her as you would any other family member.

I lost my beautiful boy 16 weeks ago and I'm still grieving for him. I can honestly say that I've never felt as much pain for a human loss - I was very young when my grandparents died and my parents are still alive so I was thrown by how painful I felt his loss.

I hope that you can remember her with happiness

everythinghippie29 · 15/09/2013 14:21

Glad you are starting to feel the initial pain ease off. xxx

donna20 · 15/09/2013 14:12

Thanks all its been three days now since our little fur baby was taken from us and things are slowly getting back to some sort of normality and the rawness has started to ease.Still find it hard to walk into a room and not see her little face but have started to remember her quirky little character and how much joy she brought to us as a family.

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ratbagcatbag · 14/09/2013 19:54

They are a huge part of your life, my neighbours cat (which I looked after regularly) was hit and killed one night, as we leave for work early I found her on the road. I took her back to her owner, I was absolutely devastated, I cried all day at work and she wasn't mine.

Ill be horrendous when anything happens to ratbag.

Catmint · 14/09/2013 19:50

So very sorry. As others have said, she was a member of your family and it is natural and right to mourn. X

RileyBigBro · 14/09/2013 19:42

My lovely cat died the same way two wks ago and I am still bursting into tears thinking about him, miss him SO much. Feeling your pain x

NeopreneMermaid · 14/09/2013 10:19

I still miss my cat who died 17 years ago.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 14/09/2013 09:44

They are family members, yes. One of ours qas killed by a car a couple of months ago and I cried, then had to pretend everything was alright (for work). Then cried some more.

We went to look at a little kitten we might have rehomed, but he wasn't a bit like the cat we had lost and it just made us all sad because we still miss him. For us it will take more time. At least we all realise he can't be replaced.

GetStuffezd · 14/09/2013 09:38

Nobody can tell you how to mourn for a much loved pet.
I've always believed one of the reasons we mourn pets so much is they're totally innocent. They never harm anyone - only bring joy to people.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
X

mathanxiety · 14/09/2013 05:33

Donna, very sad for you. We lost our lovely little cat to age last autumn and had her cremated so she will stay with us.

That wise cat got DD3 through the trauma of seeing exH and me divorce and the sale of our house and subsequent move - in many ways she behaved as DD3's cat mother - and now we are all exchanging smiles as our new kitten (who sort of fell into our laps) seems to have formed an attachment to DD3 just as the old cat did.

timtam23 · 13/09/2013 22:15

donna I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I would be devastated as well, my cats are family members (my older 2 have been with me for many many years and they were my babies when I lived alone). I'm sure you have lovely memories and photos of your little cat and will remember her always

donna20 · 13/09/2013 16:21

As the day has gone on my DS isn't asking for his furry friend as much as this morning and I haven't cried for at least an hour so think that we are on the start of a long road ahead.Thanks for all your concern.

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RabbitsarenotHares · 13/09/2013 15:59

Of COURSE you're not wrong to mourn her as a family member. She was, is, and always will be.

I have the ashes of my last cat, and previous three rabbits, and fully intend to have them in my coffin, along with all the others I pick up between now and then. Some people may think that odd, but I really don't give a stuff!

Scruffybear · 13/09/2013 15:54

I am so, so sorry for your loss and the horrible suddenness of it. I have a dog and we got him at a very difficult time in my life when I was very poorly. Just thinking about losing him makes me weep. He is, as your beloved cat was too, a member of the family who has shared in good times and bad and always seemed to understand the people in it more than you would give an animal credit for.

Dont think of it as wrong to mourn, give yourself time, be as strong as you can for DS and let time do the healing. As much as you need. Your lovely girl will wait for you in heaven, I like to think one day we see our beautiful pets again x

MexicanHat · 13/09/2013 15:45

Until I got my own cat I had no idea how attached you became to them, how much you loved them and how they did become a member of your family.

I'll be the first to admit that I found it very strange at how upset people were when they lost their pets. I never had pets as a child. Now I understand!

So sorry for you loss x

cozietoesie · 13/09/2013 14:14

It will likely take a goodly while, donna. How is DS handling it? Still asking for her?

donna20 · 13/09/2013 14:11

Thanks again for all your support,everytime I think that I can't cry anymore the tears still keep coming.This time yesterday she was still here and now she has gone.

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Frizzbonce · 13/09/2013 13:00

Hello Donna and I'm so sorry for your loss. Burying her under a favorite tree is a lovely idea as is a proper memorial service. The quiet love and support that a beloved cat offers is like losing a family member. Grief is grief so never feel you have to apologise or explain for feeling it.

When my seventeen year old cat was finally put down I was crying so hard I couldn't see straight. We buried him in the back garden under his favorite bush - it was very comforting and whenever I see that bush I think of Sydney lying on his back, his furry old nethers waving in the breeze.

donna20 · 13/09/2013 11:52

Thanks all,nice to know there are like minded cat lovers out there.Just going to take my time concentrate on me,my DH and DS and my other little fur baby and I know it will get easier.
Ormirian really feel for you and your Dc just soo glad that it happened a bit further up the road and my DS didn't see it.Feel really weary about letting our other cat out now,soo worried.

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SunshineSuperNova · 13/09/2013 11:36

I'm sorry for your loss Donna.

As people have said, cats are family. I cried so much for my lovely 14 year old ginger, he was my darling.

RightsaidFreud · 13/09/2013 11:26

Not at all, they are members of your family, for me and my boyfriend, our cats are our babies, we don't have any children. Any one who tells you to just 'get over it' or 'she was just a cat' are just awful AWFUL people. Your pets are there everyday, you spend more time with them than other human members of your family most of the time.

So sorry for your loss.

OrmirianResurgam · 13/09/2013 11:23

No. Mourn her in anyway that feels right. So sorry x.

We lost our Lola the same way last spring. My older children saw it all as she ran out of the front door as they were leaving for school and straight across the road.

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