Should I ask for time off work? (Officially mad dog lady now)

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

OK. WWYD in my position?
Rescue dog been with us 11 days. Lovely dog, I had a thread on separation anxiety, got loads of useful advice and am confident we can crack this given time, love and patience. He's already more confident around the house, doesn't always need to be in the same room as me, making great progress with desensitising work on the stairgate (he whimpers if I go upstairs for too long) - I can now reach halfway up the stairs and he wanders off into the lounge.
My main problem is, when I leave the house he whimpers and barks a few times, no matter who he is with. I am mainly leaving him with my mum and dad and they are able to eventually comfort him but its obviously causing distress when I go out of the door. He did it with my husband this morning when I left to do the school run.
I work 2 days a week in a school and enjoy my job, however I am worried that me leaving in the morning is going to set back progress with his anxiety. I do need a life and I don't want to be stuck at home forever, but I'm thinking if I asked to have a sabbatical until Christmas I could take things slowly without putting the dog in a position where he gets anxious.
I have no idea if my Head will agree to it, and I don't really know if its the right thing to do. I do know that even considering it makes me a crazy dog lady. But I want to do the right thing and put the effort in now so we have a calm relaxed dog in the long term.
What would you do in my position? Rational objective opinions needed please!

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

bloated the children will starve, of course. At least, some of them will. The rest will survive by eating the dead until the OP returns and unlocks the classroom door. They will recover from the trauma in time.

Or maybe, just maybe, it's a total non issue?

If you can afford the time off OP and you want to do it, by all means ask!

[Jouska]

You really do need to get professional advice on the way forward. A qualified behaviourist can help you make the right decisions for your dog. Especially as it is quite a major life change I would want to get professional input to help make an informed decision.

True separation anxiety is a bugger to deal with and will need professional input but many dogs are insecure and find being left an anxious time but can get over this quite quickly with the correct behavioural plan

Get professional advice from someone that can assess the situation in rl.

[lynsey91]

@EleanorReally good advice but 10 minutes is too long to start with if dog already has separation issues. You should be starting as little as 1 minute and gradually increase but only when the dog has stayed quiet for the whole time

[EleanorReally]

No i dont think you should,
you should be able to teach your dog that you are coming back
go out of the house for ten minutes, come back,
make the time leaving the house longer each time.
dont make a fuss on leaving or returning.

[lynsey91]

Is there anyone anyone else that could look after the dog while you are at work? Can you afford doggy day care or pay someone to spend some time in your home?

I know how difficult it can be to have a dog that suffers from separation anxiety even if only slightly.

I think you and your dog are doing great after all he has not been with you that long yet.

I think you really need to ask if you can take some time off work but already know what you will do if the answer is no. As I said, I would probably give up work but I get that you like your job and like getting out 2 days a week.

If you gave up work how easy would it be to find another job when your dog is more settled?

If you can't take a break and decide you don't want to leave your jobs you just have to try and find a solution that works for both you and your dog. That could be him going to doggy daycare which could be great for him meeting other dogs, playing, socialising etc.

If day care is not suitable then you have to work on getting him to be ok being left. With my dog I would just put on shoes saying nothing and go outside. I stayed outside the front door and listened to see how my dog reacted. I started off by literally going outside for 1 minute and gradually increasing the time. If he was crying or barking I did not increase the time until he was ok the whole of the time I was outside.

If you are sure he only barks and/or whimpers a few times when you first leave for work it may be that you have to accept that for now. If it is not continuing then he obviously settles down and is not going to get himself really distressed and annoy the neighbours.

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

@shiningstar2 thank you so much I really appreciate your words of encouragement

[shiningstar2]

I think that you are doing very well with your dog and you just need to continue reassuring him. We have had a rescue a 15 months now. Like your dog she cried when I or my husband left even when the other person was still with her. It seemed she just wanted a little reassurance and petting from the one left inside with her. She gradually stopped when one of us was still in. She can tell by which shoes we put on whether we are walking her or going out. If she sees we are both going out she now just goes to her bed without any fuss at all. She can now be left up to 4 hours and is always quiet when we come back but always makes a joyful fuss when we greet her. She is an absolute joy. I would just keep with what you are doing. Well done you so far.

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

I'm so up and down with this decision, but the biggest factor for me immediately is that my mum and dad are not coping with the dog. On both days they've had him, he's escaped. Yesterday from the garden and luckily a neighbour helped catch him, today my dad tripped over him, dropped the lead, he belted off down the road, thank goodness a couple walking their dog caught him.
As supportive as my parents are and as much as they want to help, I'm just not sure they're up to it.
Have told DH (on the phone, he's working away as he often does) who is going to think it over.
How would I word it to the Head? I kind of feel if I do it, it needs to be with immediate effect.
Sorry for the ramble, my head is all over the place. I was at work today thinking this is nice, a chance to be normal at work, then come home to that news....

[missbattenburg]

I was lucky enough to be able to take 8 months off when I got Battendog - I had planned a career break anyway and so was able to coincide the two. Quite apart from any benefit to the dog, the time was invalubale to me.

Spending my days how I liked with loads of lovely puppy play and then (as he got older) dog walking was fab. So fab, it makes me a bit sad to think it'll probably be another 20 years before I can afford that much time off again (retirement). I had just left had a massive few years that were stresful etc and my mental wellbeing was pretty much shot. Those 8 months gave me chance to regroup, heal and re-energise. The presence of a dog was integral to that.

If you can, then do it. Enjoy it. It's good for the soul

[Teacakeandalatte]

If you do this you will have to change your username to official maddoglady or something similar.

[RushianDisney]

My friend took what she called 'pupternity' leave when she got her puppy, she actually made enough commission that year to leave her job and take almost a year off. Her dog is immaculately behaved. Very sensible decision if you can afford it imo.

[Purplecatshopaholic]

My rescue boy was very anxious when I first got him. I worked flexibly and also took annual leave so I could settle him in. He went from being very anxious to a much more relaxed boy as he began to trust and know that when I went out without him I would always come back. Your boy sounds fab - I am a total dog and cat lady!

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

Here you go
Barking when left www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/3705479-barking-when-left

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

Oops bold fail

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

lynsey thank you. I'm more and more thinking that way to be honest.
Medusa thank you for sharing your** story. I'm really pleased you've found a balance that works for you.
Beyonce I'll find the link. The best advice I had was on the Facebook group Dog Training Advice and Support, they are completely non judgmental and supportive and I've learnt so much from them.

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

bloated I did explain that I job share, I'm a class TA who works 2 days a week and the other TA works 3 days. So the most likely outcome is that the other TA would take my 2 days, providing continuity for the children. It would actually be more consistent for them.

[BeyonceKnows]

Could I please ask for a link to your previous thread... Could really do with some tips with desensitising dog to stairgate.
Good luck with your dog, you sound like a lovely owner

[StillMedusa]

Well I did pretty much that !
I'm a Special School TA. I knew I could cover having someone with my puppy (between my son who works late shifts and a friend) most of the week, but not Mondays. So I resigned my contract and went on supply..and since September I have worked tues-friday!

I think you are unlikely to get a sabbatical tbh. I asked two years ago when my DD2 had a breakdown ..I asked for 2 months off unpaid to care for her and they refused. So I handed in my notice. Took two months off and told them I'd be back in two months if they wanted me (they did). It made me realise that 15 years service meant nothing to them, I'd barely had a day off sick in years but they wouldn't accomodate me.
Now I work on my terms.. I love my job, I love the kids but being supply means I can fit my own needs (and my dog's) better!

[lynsey91]

I think it's really great that you are so concerned and caring about your dog. Makes such a change from owners who get rid at the drop of a hat or just leave a dog home alone that they know is crying/barking because they are distressed.

I think you absolutely should ask to take the time off. In fact if I were you I would probably give up work

[bloated1977]

What about the children you're supposed to be supporting as a TA? What will happen to them?

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

Oh God I hadn't even thought about fireworks
He hates the crate, I think it has bad associations for him when he was in the pound. He loves the sofa and does have a bed upstairs and downstairs which he sometimes chooses.

[Medievalist]

All I mean is that taking time off work until Xmas seems a little extreme. But would he otherwise be left alone for any length of time?

Our other dogs are all fine but we've never cracked our 3 year old's anxiety. Got her at 6 months but don't know her history. She's very sociable, if a little highly strung, and is okay with us leaving the room but not the house. She's only left on her own once in a blue moon. Her anxiety is quite selective. She is terrified of fireworks, the hoover and having her flea lotion applied and takes herself off behind the sofa. Does your dog have a safe place?

I feel quite sick at the thought of the firework season approaching as it seems to go on for two weeks and I hate to see her so terrified. We have discussed it with the vet but nothing seems to work. Sorry - I'm digressing!

[Wolfiefan]

I wouldn’t say it’s normal for a dog to bark on being left. Not at all.

[adaline]

As a puppy he would cry, whine, bark and get himself really stressed. It was horrible to hear!

He's 20 months now and so much better. So long as he's had a good walk, I can go out for a good 2-3 hours and he'll be in the same spot on the sofa as he was when I went out.

In the beginning I couldn't even go behind the baby gate without him crying

[ThisIsNotAIBUPeople]

adaline thank you I find it really useful hearing stories like that, I don't know what's normal in dog land