I feel like I've lost my best friend. Advice on how to get through losing a dog

[rosesinmygarden]

My beautiful 6 year old dog was put to sleep last Thursday.

I took her to the vets woth a swollen tummy and by lunch time she was in surgery to have her spleen removed. They discovered tumours all over her body and advised me to euthanize her while under the anaesthetic.

I cannot believe my beautiful girl is gone.

I feel like I have a huge empty hole in me. She was my shadow. As i worked from home and everywhere i look, she should be there.

How do I start to feel better?

[rosesinmygarden]

I know what you mean. DH and I were talking the other day and he said about something happening the day after Molly died. Hearing those two words together put me right back to square one. I'd not said it out loud before.

I think we will get another dog but we have a holiday booked and we also have my mum's older dog (Molly's best mate) coming to stay late summer. So it makes sense to wait until the autumn. Maybe by then it won't seem like a replacement. No dog could ever replace my Molly dog and I want to be able to love a new dog for themselves.

[peoplearepeople]

I hear you rosesinmygarden
Everything in my house just feels empty and wrong to me. It doesn't feel like my home right now. It's suddenly unwelcoming and cold.
Your title says exactly how I am feeling. My dog really was my best friend. I don't think I even realised fully until now just how many hours a day I must have spent with him!
I starting to feel like I can't really mention his name too much to anyone either. It feels like I should be over it when it was only a week and a half ago.

My oh said that we really need to get another dog. I am torn. Murphy could never be replaced, but part of me wonders if it would help distract me and heal my broken heart somewhat. I really don't know. I would hate to feel any kind of resentment towards another dog for not being my old boy as well.

[rosesinmygarden]

Nearly 3 weeks on and im still in bits. I miss her very very much am finding it so hard being at home all day without her. Maybe in time I will get used to her being gone but it doesn't feel like it. I feel like I'm in a night mare that just goes on and on.

I have been back to this thread a few times but just haven't known what to write.

We have her ashes back and her lead and collar, which just smell of the vets.

[pickletickled]

So sorry OP and others.
I had to have my little pet ferret pts on friday. I'm still in shock tbh.
She was only 3 yo (they can live until around 8) She is the second in 10 months I've had to do this to. I have no pets at home now, it feels empty. Even though she slept for most of the day the house now feels quieter.
I find having my pets cremated helps - my boy is in my living room and his sister will join him there sometime next week when her ashes come back.
Hugs to all, it's awful x

[Yogagirl123]

So sorry OP, it’s just awful I know. I have never felt able to get another dog since losing ours 12 years ago, when you have had them from pup to being PTS it is such a wrench. Take care of yourself, be prepared for the grief to hit as random times. Again so sorry for your loss, I understand what you are going through.

[Doggymummy86]

@peoplearepeople it’s absolutely heart breaking he’s still here and I’m crying every day so god knows what I’ll be like when he’s finally at peace 😭😭 I’m struggling to cope and I honestly don’t know if that day will ever come where I’ll agree to put him to sleep. I know when the time comes it’s for the best but the selfish part in me wants him forever 💙 I know he’s had a happy 6 years in our home but I just wish it was longer 😭😭

[peoplearepeople]

I'm so sorry Doggymummy86. My boy was called Murphy as well.
I'm a week on and I have to say that aside from the obvious grief, it was the guilt that totally overwhelmed me for days. I wasn't expecting to feel anything like that intensity of emotion. I knew it wasn't a logical way to feel and I had done the kindest thing for him but it was there all the same. It's fading now and I just feel sadness but also so glad that I had him in my life for nearly 10 years.
I picked up his ashes, collar and lead this afternoon. I told myself I was going to hold it together, but I started crying when I picked them up. I've put them in his favourite place in the living room for now and it's comforting knowing that he is back with us.

[Doggymummy86]

I’m just about to go through the same thing.
My “little” boy Murphy has just been diagnosed with secondary cancer in its advance stages and I’m absolutely gutted. We haven’t made the decision yet to put him to sleep but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it. The vet isn’t asking us to do this yet as he still seems very happy and in no pain but I know the time is coming very soon. He’s a rescue dog and I’m starting to feel guilty because of the life he’s had, I just feel 6 years isn’t enough, he is 14 so an old boy but I want him to live forever.
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through making this horrible decision - I think all you lovely people are so brave xx

[peoplearepeople]

Thank you Merry and Holly. I'm so sorry for your losses as well.
I feel like the shock is now wearing off and I'm able to start remembering all the good times we had instead of the last time I saw him at the vets which is helping the overwhelming guilt I had. I still cry several times a day though and feel like it's always on my mind. Especially when I wake up in the morning and in the car for some reason.
I spent the weekend putting together all the photos and videos we had of him into one file and am going to have a photobook made of him and a nice picture to put in the hall to meet me when I come in as I've found the walking through the door to an empty house so so hard.
I've put his toys and bowls in a special box at the moment but can't bring myself to move his bed. I need more time for that and have to admit I sometimes like to sniff it. It's not the best smell in the world I'm sure but it was still him.
I'm finding it hard telling people. I feel like most people I know aren't dog owners or don't have a close bond to their dogs and just don't seem to understand that he really was a huge (7st) part of our family. He wasn't "just a dog" to us.

[123Holly]

Meant to say, he was only 3 so very young and I do feel it made it worse.
I have had an old 17 year old PTS and even though it was immensely sad, it didn’t have quite the same shock, as we knew it was coming.
Honestly it will get better.

[123Holly]

The loss is devastating. We lost our boy a few weeks ago to meningitis. He was fine one day, atedinner, went to bed, to not being able to get up in the morning.
The vets did all they could but it hit him so fast and aggressively. I was able to visit him while he was unconscious. We were told to come in to PTS, but he died while we were in the waiting room.
The shock was awful. It took me over a week to move his bed and bowls away. I cried at work, in the car, and cried myself to sleep. But it has got easier. I had a photo book made of him, and an amazing portrait. I look at it everyday.
So sorry for your loss. But I promise even though you will still feel sad about it, the shock fades and that makes it easier to accept.

[merryMuppet]

- I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and pain.

I lost my dog very suddenly in January - he was 7 and collapsed on our morning walk. I rushed him to the vet and they tried to stabilise him but he had multiple heart attacks and they lost him. The vets did allow me to be with him while they worked on him and he knew I was there. I talked to him and told him how much I loved him but the pain is still raw now just not quite as raw. I find myself smiling and laughing at all the wonderful memories more rather than crying at them all. I got a new puppy of a similar breed in April and he has helped hugely although at times he highlights the pain and loss all the more.

A dogs love is so pure and unconditional and the bond they have with us makes losing them incredibly painful. They are part of our families. I think also losing them young or suddenly means you also lose all the hopes and plans you had in the future for them too. They also structure our days so much and there is the loss of that routine and structure.

I found I was quite depressed afterwards and didn't leave the house much at weekends. My new pup has got me out and about again and is helping me get back to myself.

Sending hugs and best wishes peoplearepeople

[peoplearepeople]

Day 3 now and I'm just still so broken. I'm really struggling to function and feel like an hour doesn't pass without me having a cry at some point. I'm shocked at the level of grief I am feeling. People keep telling me that time helps but right now it feels like the pain is never going to end.
So many little things set me off because he was just always there. Everything I did he had some kind of reaction to and now that isn't there.There's just emptiness. I'd do anything to give him one last hug.
We also have a cat who is confused why he isn't there. Watching it's reactions is sad as well.
I also need to collect his collar and lead roses. I don't know how I can go into the place that I last saw him alive and not break down though.
This is just so hard. I'm really struggling.

[rosesinmygarden]

We've still got our dogs bed and toys around. I'm not moving then yet but maybe when we feel ready, we will put them all in a nice box. I need to collect her collar and lead from the vets, but don't feel ready to go back there yet. The cat often sleeps in the dogs bed so I think we will keep it. They used to sleep together often so he's a bit confused as to where his big sister is I think.

Dd helped me put all her toys in the garden in a pile under her favourite maple tree sleeping spot. She could see the house, the gate and my office from there, so loved to sit in the shade.

[peoplearepeople]

Thank you roses. I feel so lost without him. The house feels empty and so wrong.
I need to gather up all his things and box them up or something I guess, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel so sad whenever I see them though. What did other people do about this? When did you clear away their things?
I'm dreading going to bed tonight and having that moment when I wake up and remember what's happened.

[rosesinmygarden]

Peoplearepeople I'm so sorry to hear about your boy. It's almost exactly the same situation as mine .

We are all still reeling, a week later. But do take comfort in the fact that he didn't know what was happening, and it will have been painless for him. You didn't have to bring him hone and make the awful decision to take him back, or watch him decline.

What we've both done is the best we could do for our beautiful dogs. Xxx thinking of you tonight.

[peoplearepeople]

I am going through exactly the same thing today op.
I dropped my boy at the vets this morning for x-rays, and bloods to be done. I had a phone call this afternoon to say they needed to look at his spleen and had found tumours everywhere.They then called to ask my permission to put him to sleep whilst still sedated as it was the kindest thing for him.
I am devastated. I am at home all day and he really was my shadow. He took up so much of our lives. I've just had to break the news to my teenage son and he is broken. We just didn't expect it and can only take comfort that it was so quick. I didn't get to say goodbye how I would have liked and feel so so guilty about that. I wanted to be the last person he saw and stroke his head as he went off to sleep. I thought he'd be back home this evening.

[simbobs]

I echo your last sentence, and though it took me a while to really acknowledge it it is true to say that our dogs lived a fulfilled life and did not suffer with decline and illness.( Mine was 7, btw). You must take comfort from that.

[rosesinmygarden]

Reading all your replies habe helped so much, thank you. I'm saddened to hear of everyone's loss, but relieved to know I'm not unusual to feel so affected. She was by my side morning til night and our lives revolved around her walks. I'm glad she was her usual self until the last moment.

[simbobs]

So sorry. Exactly the same thing happened to us about 20 months ago, and I still can't think of my lovely boy without tearing up. We decided to plug the dog-shaped hole with another of the same breed. They are entirely different characters and I still miss our first dog. I was unprepared for his loss (wholly unexpected as he was fine until the morning he died) and was floored by grief - more so than that of my parents, as my life had become structured around the dog and he was a binding thread for the whole family. Time is the only thing, and another dog if you can bear it.

[FVFrog]

So sorry for the loss of your lovely girl. We lost our girl prematurely at 7 to a brain tumour and I felt as if my right arm had been cut off, I cried for days and missed her so much. 3 years later and I remember her with much love and great fondness and only a tinge of sadness and a lump in my throat, so time is a great healer. We have photos of her and a photo book and we planted a climbing rose on top of some of her ashes and it’s known as ‘DDogs’ rose and I do smile every year when it flowers. We ended up with an older puppy that needed a home only a few weeks after she died and it really did help. Completely different dog in every way (although same ‘type’) and he has helped enormously.

[rosesinmygarden]

Thank you everyone. I actually slept last night, the first time since it happened.

DH told me he wants another dog (after always saying he wouldn't) after we have done our holidays for this year. I think he's probably right but for now I'm trying to get used to the huge dog shaped hole in our lives.

I tutor from home and have to keep explaining to my students what happened as the majority of them loved seeing her each week when they came for lessons. It's hard each time but is getting easier.

[spot102]

My sympathy, too. Mine died in October, not entirely unexpectedly, but still pretty upsetting. I explained to the kids that I wasn't even going to think about getting another one till the new year. Unfortunately they are old enough to use the computer and I ended up with a new puppy before Christmas. Running round after the puppy certainly stopped me pining after the old one, nothing like a bit of distraction therapy!!

[percheron67]

Cannot give any advice really because I think iit is an individual process - but - wanted to say to you that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[user1468246318]

I’m so sorry for your loss xoxo

I sadly lost my 5.5 year old 2 months ago after he developed an infection after surgery to remove chicken bones. He went in a perfectly healthy dog and initially I was told I’d be picking him up the next day so I didn’t make a fuss of saying a big goodbye. 2 days later we rushed in to give him a cuddle as they put him to sleep forever and I’ve been heartbroken ever since.

I would love another dog, but at the moment it wouldn’t be fair as we had him before the children who are very young and wouldn’t have the time right now for a puppy. I’d love to home a rescue but couldn’t bring one home with the children so young. I also can’t see another dog living up to him and I’d just be looking to replace him which I never could, hopefully with time that will change. So right now we are a doggy family without a dog and we’ve massively missed our weekends traipsing round fields with him.

I’ve also found it hard to come to terms with the fact that he died so much earlier than he should of done and I feel guilty that it was preventable. He should have lived another 5-10 years. I feel I’d have been able to deal with it better had he been older and I guess I would have been more prepared for it all.

I would say that time is a healer, I’m still not ok and think about him all the time, I cry several times a day but I can mostly control it. I’ve bought a lovely box to put his things in and a photo album I plan to fill when I can face looking at pictures, and also a book I’ve started writing little memories in. We have his ashes but aren’t sure what to do with them just yet. We’d thought about scattering them on his favourite walk, but in life his favourite place was with us so for now they are at home with us.

At times I tell myself that he never got old and went out like a shooting star that shone so bright, the fact it hurts so much just shows how much we love them and I hope he knew that.