For those of you with 2 children/teenagers, did they feel lonely?

[Zarah786]

I know I can't predict the future but I have a DH and a DS currently 8 and 3, almost 6 years between them. They get along very well but still on the younger side.

I find myself worrying about DS when DH is past 18 and moving on, will he have a lonely teenage life. Yes I'm sure he will have friends but life isn't like what it used be when friends come knocking to play. They don't have any cousins close by either. If traits continue into adulthood, then my son is very family oriented, he loves activities as a family, he does plenty at preschool and during solo play, but group tasks he prefers with all of us rather than some of us.

As parents we are very hands-on, do as much as we can but parents go down the 'cool' scale when teenage years come along...

If you have had 2 with a similar age gap, how did you find it going into the teenage years and beyond?

Mine are DD17 and DS11 now. It has helped that my oldest always enjoyed family activites as a teen. We actively encouraged this and when she was younger, would have a family day at the weekend, including board games, walks, national trust visits etc.

As she's got older, these have waned slightly as she's been working, volunteering or out with friends. But we still keep up going out as a family when time allows. We also invite one of DSs friends along sometimes if DD can't make it.

If DD moves away for uni, I'd expect that from 14/15 onwards, DS would be able to travel to see her alone. And friends will have more of a pull for him anyway by the time he's a teen. He will miss her for sure, but I'm reasonably confident he will be able to up the socialising with friends when/if she leaves. They can do cinema trips, bowling etc.

Try not to worry too much about it. I have wondered about it myself in the past though!

@Dacadactyl thank you so much. I literally had tears streaming down my face reading that.

Did you ever consider having a third? I mean it may not happen because conceiving at 36 maybe harder but sometimes I think it will be good for DS when DH moves on (DH also has always been very independent and has such a good on her shoulders, so don't find myself worrying about her as much).

i have a similar age gap.

My youngest is currently 14 and oldest 21 (in her last year at uni)

My youngest spends time in her room a lot (it’s the age my oldest was the same) We though often do film nights, activités with us, going for a walk is often not received well - though she surprised me the other day, wiling to come with us! We do try and sit as a 3 for dinner at a table - but we have always done that so routine more than anything. We watch sports so she came down during the rugby recently to watch it.

The two sisters communicate through what’s app etc - quite sweet we didn’t realise they did!

My oldest is coming back to live home will be interesting to see how the dynamics will work as they will be in very very different places in their lives.

@Nottodaty thank you for your response.

Did you consider having a third, if you don't mind me asking? And yep, we are big on routine, we have dinner together, story-time together, pray together which DS loves but my heart breaks for him when one day it won't be as routine family of 4 filled..

Mine have a 3.5 year ago gap and are 20 and 24 now.

After a few years of squabbling they became good friends in their teens. We always had lots of family days out; and both still come on family holidays. They get on very well.

When DS was a university and DD doing GCSES and A Levels they were in regular touch via social media. DS came back every holiday and coached DD for university - although DD didn't realise at the time.

My message is that with all of the electronics they can still be in regular touch with eachother.

There's a big gap between kids 2&3 in our family (12 years) but the older ones were here 50:50 so DD (youngest) was used to them not being here all the time..
She gets on well with her sister (nearest in age & personality) and they spend time together independently. But I don't think either of them actively miss the other one.
I don't think you can project forward to how they might feel in the future.

Who is DH? That is normally the abbreviation for husband

@Zarah786 I did consider it but if it didn’t happen before she was around 3 I didn’t want another big age gap. It took a while to get pregnant the second time so I didn’t want to spend time focusing on trying again / personal choice.

And after nearly 3 years of uni costs financially. With driving lessons, car insurance and deposits for uni houses! An age gap is now a blessing for me, I can save again before the 14 year old needs driving lessons!

I can’t say what your youngest will be like as a teenager - they might surprise you. Their lives at that point often around friends or activities. I actually realised for the first time I could just go out for a meal with my husband!

What does DH stand for? I'm a bit confused.

I have a 9 year age gap with my sibling. I really wanted a sibling when I was young, but as a teen I would have been perfectly happy as an only!

It’s the age when friends are the most important thing, so as long as your youngest has lots of friends he’ll be fine.

I went on quite a few holidays with friends and their parents and had the best time.

Won’t you have the same issue with the third child being left at home on their own though? How would it help, other than kicking the can down the road a bit.

@MaloneMeadow sorry i meant DD not DH!

Well I was hoping (maybe wishful thinking) that a third would have less of a gap with DS and would have two siblings to look up to. But yes anything could happen really!

thank you everyone!

I wouldve happily got pregnant when my youngest was 1 and was trying to convince DH to go for another for about a year. As the kids have got older though, I wouldn't actively plan another.

I feel far too old at 38, but it's because I've been parenting a long time now lol!

Personally my teenage years were when I was most mortified to be with my siblings and friends were far and away the most important thing.

I have two boys 4 years apart. Now in their 20s, so not really boys.

They weren't particularly close growing up. Older ds tolerated (just) younger brother.

Ds2 had a bigger friendship group and is more of a social animal, so he took ds1 moving out for uni in his stride and enjoyed having his bedroom to himself.

Ds1 moved back after uni/pandemic (he'd been living with his Dad), but happy to use the living room/sofa bed rather than try to move back into their previously shared bedroom.

They've both moved out now, but they visit me occasionally and just slot back into the gentle ribbing/taking the piss out of each other that seems to be their current relationship when together.