very grumpy 16 year old ds - normal?

[lemondressing]

Hi all,

My lovely 16 year old DS has been particularly snappy and rude lately. He's doing brilliantly at school, has a solid group of friends, and is having a great time with his first girlfriend since he's been with before xmas - so I can't see that anything external could be a problem for him.

I'm a bit concerned because a side effect of medication he takes for a health condition can cause mood swings. My DH is sure that DS is just being an entirely normal 16 year old - pointing out that DS' grumpiness isn't ALL the time, and certainly doesn't seem to be directed to his mates or his girlfriend 😂

Obviously I'll be keeping a close watch on this, and will talk to his doctor. But it would be great to hear what your sons are/were like around this age...he's my eldest so it's difficult to judge! Thanks x

Mine is now 17 and is very grumpy and sometimes verbally aggressive/shouty with me.
He doesnt do this to anyone else, all his mates parents love him.
I call him on his behaviour every single time and he always apologises.

What Im saying is that this can be very normal at this age. But if youre worried then you should get some advice.

It could be normal, it could be medication side effects, it could be a sign of something worrying (mental health or drugs or peer issues).

One thing that stood out in your post was He's doing brilliantly at school, has a solid group of friends, and is having a great time with his first girlfriend since he's been with before xmas - so I can't see that anything external could be a problem for him. Remember you don't really know what's going on - his mates could be the type to engage in 'banter', he could be stressed about school, his GF could be a pita or he might be worried about their relationship. Never judge a book by its cover and all that.

Sounds like you need to chat more to see if all is as shiny under the bonnet as it appears on the surface?

But moods directed at parents is definitely normal for many teens.

My 15 year old can be grumpy, especially in the mornings as hes hungry but wont eat breakfast (will have a smoothie if I make it). He is pretty charming outside the house though I let it go mostly, although rudeness isnt tolerated.
Your son has a lot of with friendships, relationship,GCSE's etc so it might just be that plus ordinary Teen grump but make sure he knows that if he does want to talk he can. Mine usually opens up when its just us in the car or if I go up to bed early to read he sometimes comes in, slumps in the middle of the bed and asks me to massage a bit of him he hurt during sports or whatever and then ends up talking to me

Until they want food , a lift ,money ...

Yes - my youngest is 19 and still grumpy! But as you say it’s hard to know whether it’s just teenage grumpy or something else.
Keep the communication up - be open to listening and being there for those times when he will chat!

Thank you all. @Smallngrumpy - sorry you are having challenges. It is upsetting isn't it? I wouldn't say my DS gets verbally aggressive/shouty tbf, it's more a kind of snappy dismissiveness. I also call him out on rudeness.

@LightSwerve - that is true. Of course there might be stuff going on I don't know about. I am pretty confident that the relationship with his mates is largely healthy and supportive though - they are often round here and they seem at least like a lovely bunch of kids, many of them DS has known since primary school. The girlfriend also seems very sweet and low drama - but having a relationship is totally new to him.

@Hoppinggreen - happily we do talk quite openly about stuff, and I try to communicate in a non confrontational way as far as possible - if we are out walking the dog or in the car or whatever. Everything seems okay in his world (as far as I know). It's more the frequent attitude around the rest of the family that is getting me down a bit.

Its great he communicates, and comes on dog walks - mine acts like fresh air is a lethal substance!!!
I would actually take DSs grumps over DDs whining any day to be honest