Too lazy to try

[WeeCC]

My 15 year old son will be starting his exams in May and has gone from being in the top classes most of his school life to dropping down classes to the point he's now being told he isn't being presented for maths, history and biology as he's not going to pass them.
In all honesty I'm not surprised, he puts little or no effort into anything. I know he thinks he's going to walk out of school into a job and everything will be great, he doesn't seem to realise that he'll need to actually work at work.
We have tried everything for him, probably held his hand a little too much and for too long if I'm honest with myself.
The problem is, should I be taking privileges away from him, if he's not going to study and at least try, why should he have his playstation or phone or netflix. These are all things he completely takes for granted.
I'm so lost, do we leave him to it and let him suffer the consequences or do we push him to try harder even though it's not working and seems to never have?

[Beetlewings]

Yes. Hard talks, privileges revoked, temporary pains. Just get him through his exams. He will thank you for it.

[Dacadactyl]

If he has any electronics in his room, I'd think about removing them.

I'd tell him he is going to get nowhere fast without maths at GCSE.

I'd also show him pictures of rooms in houseshares in shit areas and say this is where you'll end up without a reasonable job.

At the end of the day, you can't force him to study, but I wouldn't be making it easy for him to fail either.

[Geebray]

Not having a Maths GCSE will shut him out of a lot of jobs, at all levels.

[Octavia64]

I'm presuming you are not in England as it is incredibly rare for a student to not sit maths gcse.

Is this a threat from the school to try to get him to work? Can he move on in his education without whatever qualifications these are?

[MissyB1]

But why has it got to this point and you are only just thinking about consequences?? It hasn’t happened overnight has it?

[Clarabella77]

I am going against the grain here, but sitting exams, choosing subject, forging a life plan are adult situations and many of our young people's brains are struggling to adapt. I don't think using techniques, like removing privileges, are going to be effective and with so few weeks until exams it's going to generate stress and conflict with everyone. Unless of course these things are the reason he's not revising. I suspect it is more complicated than that. Taking away those things might drive him to revise but what will the quality of that revision be like? You need to find a way to make him want it for himself.

Sit down with him and ask him what he is finding hard about revision. It might not be laziness, it might be. Find out what his fears/motivations are and use that knowledge to work with him. Talking to him as an equal goes a long way, even when internally you are screaming inside.

Agree some tools, like a slot (slots) in the week that is dedicated to revision. Start small and build from there.

Use Chat GPT to come up with a study plan.

Is there some treat or something he wants that he will get if he meets all the study requirements you set for him?

I have a 15 yr-old who is similar, and his school has been especially bad at encouraging independent study and homework throughout his schooling, so he has know real grasp of the level of work that needs to be done. I also think there are some anti-education narratives on social media that don't help boys' motivation.

I approach as a micro manager and sometimes it feels like whack-a-mole. He steps up in one subject only to discover he's started to slip in another. It is so hard! I am extremely stressed and worried about the exams but we have worked out a plan for him for beyond the exams that is achievable, and I have to learn to let go of some of my expectations.

[Clarabella77]

@Geebray

Not having a Maths GCSE will shut him out of a lot of jobs, at all levels.

If they are in Scotland not everyone gets put forward for Nat 5 Maths (GCSE equivalent), but there are alternatives, eg Nat 5 Applications of Maths.

Nat 4 Maths is the fallback qualification and some basic or trades apprenticeships only request Nat 4 English and Maths. But yes Nat 5 is better to have.

[taxguru]

It's a bit late in the day to suddenly start withdrawing his priviledges, but it's what you need to do to try to give him a kick up the arse which is what he needs. At least it may make him do a bit of work and improve by a grade (unlikely to improve much more if he's rock bottom). Concentrate on Maths and English - they're the "door openers".

[WeeCC]

So I should have put some context in.
We're in Scotland so it's national qualifications they sit. He was in a Nat 5 class (one of the top) so would be taking the exam however at his parents night a few month's ago, they advised he be put in a separate class that had been made for kid's struggling with NAT 5 and it would give him more support. Now his teacher's reckon that he'll still fail it as he's still not meeting the requirements so he's been presented at Nat4 level which doesn't require an exam, it's based on school work.

This year he's just given up on school and it's completely down to his attitude "don't want to so I won't".

We have tried everything with this boy, consequences, chats, trying to compromise, incentives, even tried having a meeting with his head of year but that didn't seem to phase him either. He's not a bad boy, he's great with his wee brother and is a kind loving big hearted boy, but he just makes bad choices, vaping, drinking, cheek, usual teenager stuff, we're not easy on him but I've found it's not making a difference.

I have told him that he's not going to be getting it easy if he fails his exams, no fortnightly barbers appointment, no paying his phone, no paying for his treats and takeaways but he just doesn't seem phased, he's very much "deal with that when it happens"

[Clarabella77]

@WeeCC

So I should have put some context in.
We're in Scotland so it's national qualifications they sit. He was in a Nat 5 class (one of the top) so would be taking the exam however at his parents night a few month's ago, they advised he be put in a separate class that had been made for kid's struggling with NAT 5 and it would give him more support. Now his teacher's reckon that he'll still fail it as he's still not meeting the requirements so he's been presented at Nat4 level which doesn't require an exam, it's based on school work.

This year he's just given up on school and it's completely down to his attitude "don't want to so I won't".

We have tried everything with this boy, consequences, chats, trying to compromise, incentives, even tried having a meeting with his head of year but that didn't seem to phase him either. He's not a bad boy, he's great with his wee brother and is a kind loving big hearted boy, but he just makes bad choices, vaping, drinking, cheek, usual teenager stuff, we're not easy on him but I've found it's not making a difference.

I have told him that he's not going to be getting it easy if he fails his exams, no fortnightly barbers appointment, no paying his phone, no paying for his treats and takeaways but he just doesn't seem phased, he's very much "deal with that when it happens"

It's so hard, I feel for you. Sounds like you are doing everything you can.

All you can do is keep trying but ultimately if he is not sufficiently motivated it's almost futile.

I am also in Scotland and feel like my son is throwing away potential by preferring to coast. They will learn the hard way, and ultimately they will get to wherever they need to eventually. It's just a nervy ride for us parents.

[Geebray]

I have told him that he's not going to be getting it easy if he fails his exams, no fortnightly barbers appointment, no paying his phone, no paying for his treats and takeaways but he just doesn't seem phased, he's very much "deal with that when it happens"

Surely you should be stopping all that stuff now?!

[Perfect28]

If he will deal with it when it happens then why don't you make it happen now? These are all privileges that he has to work for by studying.

[marmaladeandpeanutbutter]

Point out to him that he will see soon enough that he'll just have to spend his first year post 16 retaking all those exams, whilst his mates move on.