13 year old son and lies

[Meheh123888]

Hello!
Quite new into the teen parenting game and not having a great time so far.
DS has just started shooting up and his voice is breaking so a know hormones are at play here too. But I'm so fed up with his lies. Some of them are just so unneeded and small but they are really building up and it's affecting our relationship.
I've tried sanctions, consequences, talking, picking my battles etc etc
I know this is a common thing in all ages with kids, but I'm hoping there might be some words of wisdom or parenting advice that I can try! Thanks!

[Durdledore]

I’ve just finished reading Gordon Nufeldt’s ‘hold on to your children’, which has some good ideas. Also Phillipa Perry’s book ‘The book you wish your parents had read’ is fantastic.

The key is looking at yourself, basically. I’m there too in the teen parenting game so solidarity.

[Durdledore]

Links for above

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER https://amzn.eu/d/hcsOfbA?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers https://amzn.eu/d/9fiHcIb?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Stonehill]

why is he lying? It sounds like a lot of lies are pointless, according to you OP. Is it just a case of prioritising a grammatically correct and socially acceptable answer above the actual truth? What I call "French Oral Exam Lying".

[Pr1mr0se]

I'd agree, the books suggested have lots of practical tips. It's hard following all the advice though as there is so much and no-one is perfect. Philippa Perry sets a high bar!

Teenagers lie to get attention and as a tool to fit in with their peers.

Try to not react to the small lies in the meantime.

[JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls]

What sort of lying are we talking about? I think some lying IS normal (and irritating) but often it's because it's easier for them. So DS has a good friend who tends to lie to his parents - it's easier because they are crazily focused on every little detail. So if he says, "I'm going to the park to play football with Jack" they then quiz him endlessly and he just lies "no, it's just jack. We aren't going anywhere else" etc, even though actually, a few other friends will probalby be there and they were toying with going to McDonalds after. For example.

DS sometimes lies to us because he just can't be assed explaining things. it drives me absolutely crazy. He also thinks that we "over react" to things (bearing in mind, an example might be if he tells us he has a girlfriend, he thinks "overreacting" is us asking her name or age! ). So we try to a) keep things mild and low key as he gets so ridiculous and b) lots of conversations about appropriate behaviour etc (albeit in small chunks! haha).