I have a 17-year-old at home, he will be 18 in May. My wife and I informally adopted him from my wife’s sister who failed miserably at parenting. Social services advised us that if he we didn’t take him he would end up in foster care. It was an easy choice for us as we were already looking after him a lot. He has been with us from age 6. Over the last few years his behaviour has deteriorated and he has gotten into smoking weed, stealing money, general dishonesty, lying etc. He has been fired from 2 jobs for stealing and missing shifts. A lot of his behaviour is typical teenager – lying in bed playing on his xbox, exteme laziness etc. On the spectrum of teenage behaviour he’s definitely at he more immature end.
The challenge I have is how my wife is dealing with this. While I recognize that his behaviour needs to change, I can put some of it down to him being a teenager, and even more of his challenging behaviour down to the poor relationship he had with his birth mother (Wife’s sister) before we took him in. My wife thinks that his behaviour is 100% his fault and is threatening to throw him out of the house as soon as he’s 18, unless he can hold down a job. Her relationship with him is toxic and having a very negative effect on our marriage.
I don’t really have anyone else to turn to right now, so I guess I’m just looking for some different perspectives from people who might have had similar experiences.
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Teenagers
17 year old driving us apart
QuickBiscuit · 12/03/2024 07:01
NoProblems · 13/03/2024 18:26
Since you have brought him us as your own son since he was six, his early childhood problems with his natural mother shouldn't be a reason or excuse for his bad behaviour now.
I would suggest that both of you should be very tough with him for his smoking weed, stealing money, general dishonesty, lying etc, but allow him some of his normal teenager behaviour.
As you took care of him, you are his nearest and it would be a shame that after 12 years it comes to nothing.
Your wife is the boy's aunt, but I find it nice of you to be more sympathetic to him. Make it a success for all three of you out your efforts, not a failure.
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