Paying rent

[Peony26]

Our eldest is nearly 18. He’s now working full time and earning himself some ok money, more than he thought for his age. We first discussed him paying a 3rd in bills, a 3rd to spend and a 3rd to be saved. But he’s acting really entitled and disrespectful, we don’t need him to contribute however I now want to charge him some rent (it will go in a savings account for him, but he won’t know that) the amount will be small and really not impact his lifestyle, but his attitude stinks and now I’m questioning myself. I want him to be responsible and have some respect, you don’t get to live for free, that’s life wwyd?

[Stonehill]

I dont think you take his money as a punishment. You settle on a fair rent on one hand, and on the other hand, talk about his attitude and the rules he needs to abide by to live in your home.

[Peony26]

It’s not a punishment it’s the fact that he expects it all, he’s really entitled. Idk why when he was younger we used to make him do jobs to earn money if he wanted extra treats or he had to put them on his birthday or Christmas list. Of course, they had nice things all of them and things they needed, but they were never just handed everything and they were never just spoilt because we could spoil them. We tried really hard to draw a line so they didn’t just expect everything, but at the moment that’s exactly how he is behaving

[Orangeandnavy]

1/3 seems high for an 18 year old. If you don’t actually need it.
With mine after starting proper work they got 6 months of keeping their money so they could get what they really wanted. Laptop. Driving lessons etc. Then it was £200m towards food and bills. I wouldn’t call it ‘rent’. It’s not that sort of relationship with a child.

Attitude is not good. What did he actually say when you raised the subject?

[Peony26]

The 3rd isn’t bills as in paying to us, it’s his bills like his car, phone etc. We would only charge him about £100. He would still have more than £1000 to himself.

[Hellocatshome]

@Peony26

The 3rd isn’t bills as in paying to us, it’s his bills like his car, phone etc. We would only charge him about £100. He would still have more than £1000 to himself.

I always seem to have a different opinion to the majority of Mumsnet on these threads but for me i he's 18 and working full time his personal bills such as phone, gym, car etc should be his bills to pay himself. And he should be paying a token contribution to household expenses.

[Peony26]

@Hellocatshome

I always seem to have a different opinion to the majority of Mumsnet on these threads but for me i he's 18 and working full time his personal bills such as phone, gym, car etc should be his bills to pay himself. And he should be paying a token contribution to household expenses.

That’s exactly what I’m saying we originally wanted him to pay his own bills, save some and spend some but he’s acting so entitled and is earning more than once thought so now we feel he should pay rent only a small amount but contribute something. But we will of course save it

[shiningstar2]

It is very hard for some young people to get their heads around being young adults. They mostly don't really leave school/ college until about 18 now so they go from being school kids, with parents doing/paying for everything to legal adults. When they had part time jobs while studying, naturally that means Ney was for personal expenses with nothing more required of them. It's a huge surprise to many when parents first ask for a household contribution. They see that some of their friends who are going on in further education are still totally supported by parents and get quite a shock when they are asked to contribute. But as you say op ...life for adults isn't free and it's your job as a parent to help him make this transition. If you don't, there is a danger he won't totally grow up and will come to think of his own money as fun/party money. I don't know what the answer is but I think I would think of a reasonable board. When you get it keep half towards his expenses and put half in savings for him. That way he understands that as an adult he needs to begin the process of paying his own bills and you are also ensuring, through the saved half, he doesn't fritter the lot away. As basically this would really be half his board you can decide what you give it back for ..aybe a flat deposit, holiday ext if he wants other stuff he can be encouraged to save more himself out of his considerable disposable income. 💐

[GinForBreakfast]

He needs to pay all his own bills and some money for keep, and he needs to mind his manners.

[tracktrail]

I had to pay a third of my income for 'keep' in 1985. As in OP post, 3rd keep, 3rd save, 3rd spends. But..
I had to pay a nominal amount before that towards 'keep' from my part-time job during A levels. It was pay or leave. University wasn't an option even open to me.

[stomachamelon]

@Hellocatshome has hit the nail on the head exactly. His bills. His responsibility. And token amount towards house.