Do teenage boys come back to you?

[Knackerednow2019]

Do teenage boys come back to their mums?
There’s that saying that sons are sons until they get a wife whereas daughters are daughters for life and while he hasn’t got married I feel like I don’t know him anymore.

Mine is 18 and I’ve always single parented really and had a good relationship. And now without any discussion he has moved to his dad’s. His dad and I have never gone on since I divorced him after years of abuse to myself and my daughter. Including sexual inappropriate behaviour. 

I have the sense that my son needs space from me so I’ve given him that. I live alone and I guess am quite boring compared to his narcissistic and social father (who is loaded). Not that my son is materialistic because he isn’t but he is being supported by his father. And it sounds like his new partner is oblivious to his perversions (tho I hope to god he doesn’t expose her daughter to them). It’s all about image for both of them.

my son and I have always been very very close and I feel heartbroken that we haven’t talked about his decision to move there or about the past. I have always lived for my kids not for me tho I’m trying to focus on my needs now. I find it hard but I don’t see an alternative.

So what I really want to know is whether teenage boys come back. When my son was little my ex used to say it didn’t matter if I did everything, his son would love him more in the end. I feel like it’s come true and it’s made me feel very sad. None of my hopes for parenthood have really worked out. It all feels a bit of a scam 😂

[everygreensock]

That saying is nothing more than a saying. Every child is different. Every son and mother relationship is different. All you can do is be there for him - he will find his own path.
My DH is very close to his mum (which I think is lovely. I get on with my MIL really well) and my sister is very distant (physically and emotionally) from my mum.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

That saying is just sexist shit, and not true.

Teenagers can be horrific - my DS1 certainly was - but they know when they are loved. When DS1 was at his worst I used to wish he would live somewhere else as the atmosphere at home was toxic. But he grew out of it. He's now 27 and we couldn't be closer. He rings several tines a week for a chat, comes and visits us regularly (he lives 2 hours aqay) and is delightful.

Hang in there. If your ex is as awful as you say he is, your ds will see through him.

[James1123]

Does anyone have experience of Narcissistic, teenagers

My ex partner of 5 years ( still very close friends)

my ex is in a really Difficult situation, I lived with my ex and her son (14) for five years.
She was an amazing mother in as much as she would do everything for him. However, he has become a totally spoilt child. He has never had anybody else around the house as he is an only child to a single mother. The father sees him every other weekend, but he is distracted by his own children in his relationship.
I decided I had to move out because I could not stand by and watch the woman I loved, constantly being blackmailed, bullied, verbally and physically abused and felt I was not in a position to be able to say anything to the child, as that would just make matters worse.
Seven months after me leaving we are still very close friends as we never had a problem between us and I’ve always been in a very loving relationship. she is in a really bad way to the point that she has attempted suicide on several occasions. Her son shows all the signs of being a narcissist. He tracks her phone if she goes out to make sure she does not see me, he even kicks off if she just been out for a run because he sees me as someone that takes some attention away from him. He would kick off when we were together. if I was to cuddle her whilst cooking, or if we spoke to each other too much if he felt he it wasn’t all about him or revolving around him as the world has to revolve Entirely around him as this is what he’s been used to for eight years before I met her.

She is dating again which I absolutely support but she is scared of him coming home from his dads as she knows it will all kick off again because he will accuse her of enjoying herself when he wasn’t here. She even has to hide takeaway boxes Has he will go mad because she had treated herself when he wasn’t home. His reaction is so extreme and she gets really intimidated and scared. He has kicked her thrown water over her, blackmailed her constantly. He is taller and bigger than her and stands over her while she is on the settee.

I have suggested putting in pet indoor CCTV as his biggest fear is anybody else realising how bad his behaviour is. I would like other peoples opinions on what they think of the idea of putting CCTV in the house saying it is a request by the insurance company that she has the alarm and CCTV. obviously I’m thinking he will be aware that that information can actually be used to record his behaviour. I have suggested she puts one in the lounge where he usually kicks off. Then if she escapes to her bedroom he will lock her in the bedroom and constantly bang the door all night just to increase her stress levels so I have suggested putting another CCTV above the front door shining towards her bedroom.

She is worried that if he sees the cameras he will kick off again, and she said today that she just wants him to have a chance to be nice first, but this has been happening for years And it’s escalating daily other than spoiling the child by doing everything for him and making her his world. She is the best mum ever, but it has come back to bite her.

Please help with your opinions on the CCTV idea.

[Member786488]

@James I’m not sure this is the right place for your question, you should have started a new thread, but having said that your ex needs more help than just CCTV recording abusive behaviour.
she’s experiencing domestic abuse and needs concrete advice about how to deal with it. Without her taking control of the situation I think it’s probably going to escalate as he grows.
if I were her I’d be speaking to women’s charities and possibly the police for advice.

[SallyWD]

I can only speak for the men I know and nearly all are close to their mums. My brothers see my mum more than I do. DH is very close to his mum. She lives far away but he calls several times a week and visits often. My male friends see their mums frequently.
Teenagers pull away. My daughter is doing it now but I trust she'll come back.

[SilverBranchGoldenPears]

Without evidence to the contrary (I.e I know for a fact that their mother is an asshole) I judge a man by his relationship with his mother. If he loves his mum and treats her with respect and kindness then I know he is generally speaking, a good man (as I said, without evidence to the contrary). In my experience a boy does not leave his mum. Your son is just learning and growing and he is safe in your love - this is why he can do this. You won’t lose him and if your ex tries to poison him against you he should be old enough to see it.