Mental health help

[Neverthoughtit]

Name change says it all

Just found out my 14 year old daughter is suicidal, self harming and hates me and her stepdad. She used to be a lovely outgoing person but has changed over the past few years. I thought it was just usual teenage stuff but I accessed her phone as the parental app we use flagged she had been googling suicide so have intervened.
im a mess and have no idea how to get help.

Hi, so sorry that your DD is going through this. I think that the first step is to try and talk to her and make her feel less alone with these awful thoughts. Does she know you have the parental control app? If so, you could bring it up non-confrontationally and express that you’re worried for her and want to help.
Your GP can make a referral to CAMHS (mental health services) for her, but the waiting times are often very long and so it may be better to reach out to a private therapist if you have the funds.
In the meantime, if the self harm is very serious e.g. deep cuts, make sure they are treated properly to avoid infection, and remove sharp objects from her room/shared spaces.
I’m sure some other posters will be along with advice soon, but you’re not alone to be in this situation nor are you a bad parent, unfortunately increasing numbers of teenagers are experiencing serious mental health issues

Does her school have a counselling service to use? My local senior school has a drop-in from a charity once or twice a week

Thank you for the advice. I have contacted school and just about to try GP.

I've been through this with my DD15.

CAMHS were useless - we were supposed to get an urgent 24 hour call back after her school referred her when she self harmed at school.

That call finally came after 6 months.

We'd already been on a waiting list with child psychology at GOSH for a year by the time she started the self harming.

We were lucky in that DH has health insurance through his job that also covers the kids. In desperation we called to see if they could help with DD self harming and they agreed to a private referral to a psychiatrist who recommended counselling and eventually gave us a prescription for propanolol and then fluoxetine.

I believe the appt with the psychiatrist would have cost £350 if we'd had to pay for it and the counselling is £80 per session ( thankfully covered by the health insurance otherwise we'd never have been able to afford it )

It's taken a year but she is now so much better thanks mainly to the fluoxetine. Feel like we've got our little girl back.

A friend of mine is going through similar with her DS and paid the £350 for the private consultation and came out with a prescription for fluoxetine.

We were more reluctant to take a prescription and wanted to rely on counselling/therapy first but we eventually realised she needed medicating. Wish we'd taken the prescription earlier to be honest but we are cautious people.

Hope you get the help you need.

Thank you all. We have a CAHMS referral and a number of private leads to follow.

Sending lots of gentle thoughts

If you think she's in immediate danger take her to A&E. They can access an emergency camhs service. Sadly the wait for camhs can be long but if in danger she will get an urgent referral. Take all sharps, ligatures and lock them away with meds. Been where you are. Good luck.

Thank you. She has had a CAMHS triage phone call and a face to face arranged for a couple of weeks time, which is earlier than expected.

She also seems a lot lighter since we found out. I don’t know if this is because she feels a burden has been lifted, or she’s being an amazing actress.

I really appreciate everyone who has taken time to respond.

I'm not too old for that, and I would have encountered or had those thoughts during that time. I don't think it's a horrible thing, and if it comes to how I felt at the time, I wish my parents would have done more than intervene verbally and behaviourally in a rude way. Instead, they would have shown me the world and found more ways for me to be attached to it, such as friends, such as anything I liked, a belief that I could linger and fight for. Of course the most important thing is to be supportive, and then fade and change, being strong inside is what makes you truly strong.