Struggling with 15 year old

[Hollyhat]

I’m struggling greatly with my 15 year old. He has an ASD and is in the midst of studying for exams. I work full time to support him and his siblings with no family support nearby, although my ex husband is not far away.
However, I am struggling with how awful he is to me. He swears at me and if I attempt to go in his bedroom he physically pushes me out and videos me on his phone of which I can’t access.
He doesn’t leave the house at all apart from to go to school. He leaves his curtains closed and a light on all day as he thinks it’s too bright outside. He washes his clothes separately and can have the washing machine on for two hours with two items in it. When I try to speak to him about trying to be economical with rising costs of electricity etc, he tells me to f* off.
He doesn’t help with anything at home, if I ask him to do a simple thing he will refuse.
Ive asked his school for help, we had a meeting with professionals, but he refused to attend or cooperate so no further action has been taken, but it just seems like he’s like that just with me.
He won’t go to stay at his dad’s at all and he spends zero time with him so I get no respite from the swearing and rudeness. His dad just tells him to not be rude but it’s wearing me down.
i feel so tired of working all day to pay the bills and trying to be a supportive mum. I’ve tried talking to him and explaining the impact but he just swears at and belittles me.
i know teenage years can be difficult but I am so tired of trying to hold it together.

[par05]

Didn't want to read and run, stay strong this age is awful, I have problems with my ds too, trying to stay calm and not rise to his arguments, but it's hard. 😔

[Threetulips]

Can dad swap and stay in your home for a couple of days if he’s amicable?

[BillLius]

Change the Wi-Fi password.

[badhappening]

You have my full sympathy 💐

My DS is also 15 and I often desperately want to move out of my own home to be away from him as there are so many blow-ups between us. The stress is really taking its toll.

I have quite a high-pressure job so that doesn't help (and I often blow up back at him - it's awful 😥). At work they think I'm the best thing since sliced bread, so that makes me feel deceiful because they don't know what a complete failure I feel at home.



I look at other mothers dropping off their 'normal' kids going to school and they seem calm, happy and relaxed. My DS looks miserable.

I think realistically for us, I need to accept that our personality types clash and sadly I think they always will.

[badhappening]

... hmm not sure what happened but that's only part of what I had typed !!

Sorry my post isn't any help, but I think all you (we) can do is hang on in there and keeping riding the storm.

It's good to vent on here and let it all out. I wish I knew someone like you in real life to chat to.

You are not alone - take care x

[Hollyhat]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for all your kind words. Unfortunately I can’t change the WIFI password, I’ve tried this before and his knowledge of technology is far greater than mine and he managed to override it somehow.
His dad wouldn’t be open to the idea of taking him for a couple of days...I did suggest last week that he tried to spend some time with him as he would benefit from this but dad’s less than helpful response was that ‘he would just get a mouthful of abuse.’ Yet it’s ok for me to put up with it every day.

[Hollyhat]

@badhappening your post really resonated with me, thank you. I too am in a high pressured role and at work they think I am some kind of superstar. But I feel like a complete failure with my own child who cannot even give me the time of day. I tiptoe around him in my own home.
Our personalities also clash and probably always will. My fear is that he will grow up and never want anything to do with me but at times I’m genuinely scared of him and his reactions. I put on a big, happy front at work but in all honesty I dread coming home.
I too wish I knew someone in real life who would understand what it’s like. X

[Hyvsvaar]

Christ unplugged the router or cables and stick them in your car or switch off at circuit board

i have an app that shows all connected devices and. Can switch off each one

[Mediumred]

You poor thing, it sounds very hard. Is he sitting his GCSEs this time? What does he want to do post-16. I know it is probably little comfort but there will be parents out there whose children are extraordinarily violent to them and are not attending school.

I have a girl with ASD a bit younger and probably not as threatening but who can be very dogmatic and rigid, plus I do have a supportive partner, your ex sounds awful. We never go into her room, I try to respect her space as it’s a need for control with some autistic children, she brings out her clothes/plates at times, it’s a tip but then she has a blitz.

Advice from Camhs, when our relationship was at its worst, was to keep lines of communication open via texts, try to drop most demands at the mo, if he’s doing exams as he will be under stress at school, just try to keep stuff light and breezy, don’t get drawn into arguments if you can help it, pick your battles, try to look after yourself and keep your own life going outside this relationship. With my girl I would just send her funny stuff via text I’d read online or memes occasionally, make her little gifts sometimes of sweets etc, it’s sounds counterproductive, like rewarding them for being so vile. Although She is still quite troubled, our relationship has improved a lot.

you are doing a good job, this time is not forever, there are a lot of parents of NT and ND kids who are struggling and most come through it. Look after yourself