DD accused of sending Nude to a boy in school and she's devastated

[Whitegrenache]

Dd is suffering from low mood and anxiety ans has never enjoyed secondary school. She has a strong set of friends out of school but has never really had firm friends at school which she finds hard and sad about.
Anyway she started self harming last week and told me. I spoke to GP and have booked her for private counselling which we are waiting for a date.
She fell out with her bf after Xmas and doesn't know why, bf just stopped speaking to her for no reason which has definitely been a source of dd anxiety.

She rang me at lunchtime yesterday begging me to pick her up from school. She then burst into tears when she was in the car and told me a boy (her ex best friends ex boyfriend )had told another boy, that a girl (from a different school) had sent him a nude picture. that boy then decided to shout out in the dinner hall that it was my DD who sent it. All but one of her friends have turned against my dd believing that she did send the nude and how dare she do this to her bf 😢
Then last night dd was getting snap chats from on random girl being basically Abusive and bullying dd. She was absolutely heart broken and begged us to not send her into school.
We insisted she needs to go to the school which she has done and try to ignore and be strong.

My question is what else can is do?
She won't let me contact school as snitches are treat even worse!
But she is desperately unhappy and I am absolutely lost as to how to help her.
Thanks

[FlyingBurrito]

I agree, make it clear to the school that you will be involving the police. Teens don't always make the bect decisions but the boy who started this needs to know the impact he's having and a scare from the police might halt an otherwise continuing pattern of behaviour

[Honeydrops5]

@CoddledAsAMommet response is absolutely spot on! If this was you in a work environment and you was being harassed, bullied and victimised which led to bad mental health and self harming you would of been given stress leave by the gp at the very least if not considering leaving. Pushing your child to go to school when you know all this is going on doesnt teach her resilience it just puts her in awful vulnerable position. It's okay to leave a toxic relationship if its detrimental to your mental health just as much as it's okay to leave a toxic environment too! No one should have to put up with what she is going through to prove a point that she is better or stronger than this. She is 15!!! Dont send her back op. Listen to her, she knows better than anyone how she feels. If this escalates and she doesnt feel comfortable going back respect that and help her to find a school she can be happy in!!!!

[BodyMovin]

Agree re police. This boy, and all the other boys observing this play out, needs to learn that if an unsolicited nude ends up on his phone his reaction was the wrong one.

I have a friend with teens and she has emphasised the illegality of this from the start of secondary. I wish the schools would too! I don't think any teens actually think a child poronography offence is desirable.

When I was at school a whole lot of shit happened. Even more so in the all boys comprehensive my boyfriend went to. And I see the damage that was done reverberating throughout my peer's lives still in their 30s and 40s. I do think we should expect better, safer environments in schools.

[Sittingonabench]

I would consider moving schools tbh - it’s a tricky age to do it with exams etc. But there is nothing worse than dreading every day an that will impact her too. If she’s lonely at the new school at least she won’t be a target, or maybe send her to a school where her other friends go? I remember hating school and left to go to another 6th form and it was like I could breath again! I wasn’t bullied or targeted but the environment was toxic!

[Notaroadrunner]

This is a horrible situation. Such a crowd of little shits to do such a thing. I hope you get to speak to someone asap and that they take this seriously. Mention that you are planning to involve the police if they try to fob you off.

[Horehound]

What a shame for her. Deffo police

[Newpuppymummy]

I haven’t read right to the end but go and get her op. Imagine if you’re at work and you were accused of this and people are calling you names and you felt afraid. This on top of the fact that she’s Already unhappy and self harming. Just get her and bring her home and then call the school and try and sort it out. If not move schools. It’s not worth risking her long-term mental health

[MadeForThis]

Good luck

[Lipz]

Your poor dd, you're doing right getting her, hopefully you get to speak to the principal, I'd probably do that before getting her. Then take her home and no return till sorted. If school are of no help then I'd contact police.

[ballsdeep]

Your poor daughter. I hope it goes well op

[TheHoneyBadger]

Good luck

[Mydarlingmyhamburger]

@24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed

I categorically denied sending a nude too. But I did and it ended up on the internet. This was before ‘sexting’ was made illegal so unfortunately felt like there was nothing we could do.

Not saying your DD definitely did; but there’s always that chance and you can never be 100% sure without either seeing it or checking the boys phone to see who sent it. Also - you need to find out who’s got the image and who sent it; they’ll both be in trouble with police.

I’m sorry this has happened to her; her friend don’t sound like very good friends anyway; to go against her word and leave her so upset. If a true friend told me she didn’t do something I’d believe her above any boyfriend; they’re shit friends.

I assume she’s year 11? Not much longer left of school and then she’ll be in college/uni and so much less stressed.

I hated school; loved college. It can make all the difference as your not confined to uniforms and strict control. She can be herself.

Good luck with the school!

This is why I think involving the police is just important as involving the school. They can seize his phone and remove the image before it gets shared round. Even if it’s another underage child possessing/sharing it, if there is an actual picture of an underage child then it’s still classed as distributing child porn.

[LoudestCat14]

@Whitegrenache

I'm getting her now and insisting on speaking to SLT

Absolutely do this. Your poor daughter. What that boy did is horrendous and he needs to be held to account, as do all the girls calling her names. Good luck, OP. I have a DD with anxiety and I know how hard it is to deal with as a parent.

[24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed]

I categorically denied sending a nude too. But I did and it ended up on the internet. This was before ‘sexting’ was made illegal so unfortunately felt like there was nothing we could do.

Not saying your DD definitely did; but there’s always that chance and you can never be 100% sure without either seeing it or checking the boys phone to see who sent it. Also - you need to find out who’s got the image and who sent it; they’ll both be in trouble with police.

I’m sorry this has happened to her; her friend don’t sound like very good friends anyway; to go against her word and leave her so upset. If a true friend told me she didn’t do something I’d believe her above any boyfriend; they’re shit friends.

I assume she’s year 11? Not much longer left of school and then she’ll be in college/uni and so much less stressed.

I hated school; loved college. It can make all the difference as your not confined to uniforms and strict control. She can be herself.

Good luck with the school!

[Mydarlingmyhamburger]

@CoddledAsAMommet

Don't send her to that school ever again. She's already self-harming.
If this was happening to you at work you'd leave. Support her. Apologise for making her go in today and let her know that you'll be finding a new school as soon as possible.
I have older teenagers and this is what I'd do. Resilience doesn't mean putting up with atrocious behaviour indefinitely. Teach her that if a situation is bad (school/relationships/work) then leaving and starting anew is a perfectly valid response. Honestly, don't make her go back.

I agree with this. It’s fucking shocking the things children are expected to put up with that an adult wouldn’t. Apparently it’s acceptable for a child to be sexually/verbally abused, threatened and intimidated, they just have to learn resilience and get on with it. If this child’s already self harming then it’s almost guaranteed that she’s contemplated suicide, this could have pushed her over the edge.

[Wanderlusto]

Dont let them call her to the office over the tannoy. Or at all. Let alone together with his name. That'll cause way more shit. He needs to be spoken to. But she needs to either stay and pretend nothing is up. Or sneak away at lunch to meet you elsewhere if she absolutely feels she cant suck it up.

[MobyDicksTinyCanoe]

Sometimes we have to go above what our kids want. Whether they like it or not.

[SavingsQuestions]

Good luck x

[Wanderlusto]

I'd be very careful as taking her out could validate the idea that it is her. Have her leave at lunch and meet you somewhere out-with the school. You want to avoid 'her mother took her home'.

[Whitegrenache]

I'm getting her now and insisting on speaking to SLT

[TheQueef]

I can't imagine having to front this out and I'm a long long long way from my teenage years.
It must be horrendous for your DD.

[getsomehelp]

The boy who received the photo can presumably show it is not from her ?

[Herja]

Just as reassurance, for 2 weeks when I was 15, the whole school thought I'd had sex with a boy on a school trip (name mix up. I was notourious in the school and shared a name with a quiet over looked girl). No one believed me, no one. So, I shouted, kicked off, flounced out of school. I was fucking fuming at being called all sorts when I'd never even looked at the boy. After 3 weeks, it was never mentioned again - someone was caught shoplifting, or punched a teacher or something (great school...) and the school all moved on.

I really hope your DDs school forgets this soon and she is happier there again. I am afraid I would ignore her wish to hush it up and would involve the school.

[Wanderlusto]

I think I would literally just go in to the school and demand to speak to someone now. The boy needs to be called into the office and his phone confiscated until the police can see it. It is illegal to have photos of an underage child on your phone.

[Embracingthechaos]

I'm so sorry this is happening OP. Your poor DD.

Absolutely go and get her, and it's great you're speaking to the school about this. I would also contact the police today, ideally before you go into this meeting at school.

If you are going in to collect DD today then it would be a good opportunity for you to speak to them about this. Don't be fobbed off. What has happened is very serious.