I don’t like my 17yr old son,

[Mommaof5]

He’s almost 18, and he’s so immature and naive. But he has a really nasty side to him and then he gets aggressive and he’s verbally abusive. At first when he was younger I put it down to him just been a boy, then I put it down to him been the only boy as he’s the eldest and has younger sisters, then I put it down to him been in denial and scared of telling people he’s bi/gay. Now I just think he’s an awful person and I’m starting to not want to be around him. I’m stressed and on edge around him. I don’t relax until he’s not in the house. If I tell him off or do anything, he literally sits there like a toddler saying “why” over and over, he does things to get a reaction from me. He doesn’t see his dad and I have no family that I can send him to so I have a break, he doesn’t even have friends. He knows a few people from college but he never ever goes anywhere or meets people. We used to be so close and he’d do anything for me but as he’s got older he got into his head he’s better than everyone. He’s hit me and slammed my head into the kitchen table, he’s pushed his sitters and said he hates us all and when he finally moves out he’ll never see us again. As much as I want him to move out and give me some peace it scares me when he says that

[Elsiebear90]

He’s violent and abusive, he needs to go for your safety and your daughters’. It’s irrelevant that he’s your son, he’s almost an adult and this is domestic violence. Please ignore people telling you to “love bomb” him, he’s way way past that point and he’s not a child, he sound very deranged and dangerous tbh. It’s only a matter of time before it escalates and he seriously hurts someone.

[Egghead68]

Family therapy?

[GreyGardens88]

Throw him out when he turns 18 and was your hands of him, I would be anyway

[Dragongirl10]

I would have packed his bags the moment he hit me, and closed the door......without hesitation.
He is NOT a child he is an adult and needs to take responsibility for himself.

[Peachcake12]

Hi, I’ve just joined mumsnet about my 19 year old son and he sounds a lot like your son (apart from my son hasn’t hit me) my sons got adhd/odd and is a total nightmare atm he’s very immature and gets in a rage if he doesn’t get what he wants, he calls me names and is horrible, and he’s now driving ( passed a year ago ) which is worrying me sick he’s out all day/night just driving around with the yobos he hangs around with and driving fast police say there’s nothing they can do unless he’s caught!
I want him to move out but at the same time it would b like a 15 year old (mentally) moving out so I know how u feel x

[Whataloadofshite]

What you need to do, is kick him out. This is domestic abuse.

[Wanderlust21]

Kick him out.

Stop showering love on an asshole.
You cant teach someone to respect you. They do or they dont. And if they dont, they dont get to stay under your roof.

Maybe in a few years he will come around and appologise for being such a shit. But not if you keep allowing it.

He hurts your other kids, he has to go. Find your boundaries.

[Mommaof5]

I just don’t know what to do, I’ve tried ignoring him and he wasn’t bothered, I tried telling him I love him etc but then he just laughs in my face and starts with the attitude again. He says he doesn’t need to respect anyone and doesn’t see what everyone’s problem is. If I show him love etc he sees it as weakness

[Notrightbutok]

To get help form Social services you need to call police next time he hits or threatens you and your dds.

There is help available like child and family practitioners, if police are involved it will trigger an instant referral and get things moving faster.

[VisionQuest]

FFS love bomb? He's a violent almost 18 yr old man, not a 4 yr old having a temper tantrum.

Yes you can be supportive but it doesn't sound like he's receptive to that at all. He's trying to intimidate you and it's working.

[piperm]

@Mommaof5
It's not your fault mamma, my biological father was like that and his mother was amazing, of course the only worrying part was as a child he was manipulative and god awful and violent, now he's on drugs and 10x worse and my poor grandmother can't do anything about it, let's just hope your son will come to realize how god awful he acts to you, but what I suggest doing is next time he abuses you or the others call the cops, you'll be helping him for the future and his possible future family , don't let anyone hurt u no matter how much u love him, CALL THE COPS, he needs help, and u may be scared but u need to call the cops next time, u need to tell them everything, u need to make him get help, it will save u in the long run.

[2020hello]

You need to call the police and kick him out. You shouldnt live like that. It's not your problem if he has no where to go he should have thought about his actions.

There are places for 16 to 18 year olds to go btw and the police and social services will help with that.

[popsydoodle4444]

You need to contact social services as you need help.This is domestic abuse.My friend and her family were victims of domestic abuse by her then 17 year old son.He was violence and verbally abusive.The social services helped to arrange a room in a hostel for him.You cannot live like this either.You need to make that call because he really hurts someone especially one of your daughters;that will land social services on your doorstep for the wrong reasons

[Whataloadofshite]

This is domestic violence at the hands of your child - it's rough but that's what it is. You need to involve the police. Otherwise he will continue to think he can abuse you.

[Wanderlust21]

Abusive should never be excused as 'teenage dysfunction'. He is nearly 18 anyway, not a stroppy 13 year old.

How many sociopaths (4% of society btw) and similar, could have been prevented if we had spotted their developing behaviour for what it was early on? As opposed to dismissing it as being typical childishness or teenage behaviour. Which fyi, beating your family up, really fecken isnt!

[HappyHammy]

He knows what he is doing. He in violent and abusive. I would call womens aid for advice and the police when he hits any of you. Your other children are suffering too. Maybe he has no friends because he is unlikeable. I would consider him moving out and paying for his accommodation or getting in touch with CAMHS for advice. Let him sit in his room. Dont engage unless its essential. Do you record his outbursts

[Qgardens]

How do we know its a more deep seated mental problem than just teenage dysfunction? It might be, it might not be.

The op admits she finds him vile. How does that make him feel? Maybe it's taken years of a dysfunctional relationship where he feels unwanted and worthless.

I am not saying that she should put up with it though.

[Wanderlust21]

Love bombing is not the approach to take with someone displaying these...narcissistic traits. That sort see kindness as weakness. It will likey only therefore, make her more of a target.

Also, where as normally I would agree with the sentiment about boundaries. If he is as I and others here suspect, suffering from the beginnings of a cluster b personality disorder...boundaries are like red flags to a bull for them. The best thing to do, would be for op to set boundaries for herself - as to how much nonsense she will tolerate.

Unfortunately it may be too late to reverse his emerging personality. But you can teach him that physical violence will not be tolerated (or rather, the police can). And you can protect your other children from him.

[Qgardens]

Deecee Did you not read the rest of my posts or my other posts where I said he'd need to move out if he can't treat her with respect?

It's her child though. She doesn't want to just give up on him totally which is why a two pronged attack of setting strong boundaries and love bombing him, is worth a try.

[wantmorenow]

Please call the police if he so much as threatens you or your daughters. You must protect them. I teach in FE, trust me there are places for aggressive teenagers to go to. There are hostels and supported living places.

Sometimes it makes them rethink their behaviour & family relationships. Sometimes not. Either way they are invariably okay and their families thrive without the abuse.

Teenagers are resilient. He needs to go, your children need you to make their home a safe place.

[B1rdbra1n]

This is domestic abuse, you must take action to protect yourself

[ActuallyItsEugene]

You need to call the police whenever he attacks you or his sisters!
Protect your children from him!

He's nearly an adult. Lay down the law. Do you give him money? If so, stop. Tell him to get a job.
He needs to start helping around the house, pull his weight and pack in the horrendous attitude.
The first sign of any aggression, call the police.

If he cannot respect your home, your rules, his siblings and you then he leaves. Stop making excuses for him.
A short, sharp shock now may save him in the long term.

[Cocobean30]

Also kick him out, he knows exactly what you’re doing

[Cocobean30]

What were the red flags you mentioned when he was younger? It’s understandable that you tried to justify them but depending on his behaviour as a child he may have a personality/sociopathic disorder. Or is it possible he was abused without your knowledge?

[LovingLola]

Sounds bad.