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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

My 15 year old says she is bisexual!

70 replies

dogsbodymum · 04/12/2018 17:37

So my daughter 15 tells me she is bisexual, I love her whatever she is, she's beautiful and intelligent and we are close, so I'm glad she's told me.

My question is from other parents, does she really know her sexuality at 15, is it maybe normal at that age to be confused. I just can't imagine her being with another female lol, it doesn't make any difference with how I feel toward her but I'm just wondering if teens go through this?

OP posts:

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MumUnderTheMoon · 30/12/2018 01:02

I think the labelling of sexuality is really antiquated so things can be confusing for young people because they are reaching sexual maturity in modern times when we still use old fashioned descriptors. Bi sexual is possibly the best term she has to use. And there are lots of them Eg I am a cis-gender, female, sometimes pansexual, sometimes asexual, celebrate. If your dd wants to use the term bisexual then go for it, embrace having a bisexual child go to pride with her. Maybe she'll not describe herself as bisexual one day but this won't be because she has "changed her mind" but because her understanding of who she loves and why will evolve.

Karenbrowny · 28/12/2018 16:51

i think you should take her to church and rinse the devil out of her with our lord and saviour jesus christ. Amen

Earlywalker · 15/12/2018 22:16

For her to have told you, she’s probably pretty sure and at 15 you’re pretty sure of your sexuality.
It makes no difference, warn of groomers, condoms, online dating, birth control, abuse etc as you normally would when discussing sex
I think it’s a credit to you and your relationship that she’s told you.

EvaReady · 15/12/2018 21:41

he should not feel defined by that

EvaReady · 15/12/2018 21:40

Ds told me he was gay at 14 before he has no sexual experience that I know of - I told him that he should now feel defined by that - he can decide to be bisexual or straight...nothing is fixed. And who ever he decides to date should be someone that treats him well - their sex is not something that concerns us.

GonzoFlyingProducts · 11/12/2018 23:54

Human sexual behaviour - define 'normal'... I wouldn't dare try.

All you really need to know is that you have a good enough relationship with your teenage daughter that she came to you and told you something which is really, really big in her life. So well played you.

anniehm · 09/12/2018 21:47

People do develop at different ages, whilst some people are drawn to one sex or the other as young teens, for others, including me I really wasn't interested until over 16, even then I think it was societal conditioning that led me to date rather than truly being bothered. My eldest dd is the same, she kind of likes men but really would rather just play computer games or drink wine with friends (younger dd is making up for it though!) so whilst yes she may be bi, she also may not have fully formed her sexuality yet, she could come down on either side.

dogsbodymum · 09/12/2018 21:41

Thank you for your replies, I didn't actually see what you wrote ballyhoo it was taken off before I saw it.
Shalom I don't know why putting 'lol' is such a problem it doesn't mean anything, it's a delicate subject but some people just take offence by the slightest thing, I've ignored most but thank you for sharing your stories it really helps x

OP posts:

ShalomJackie · 09/12/2018 20:58

I did however wonder why you put "lol" in the original post OP?

Petalflowers · 09/12/2018 20:57

My ds came out of gay a couple of months ago. It was a total shock. We had no inkling. He’s always been friendly with girls, and mentioned one a lot recently, making dh and I conclude he fancied her ( before the announcement).

Dogsbody - we had all the questions you that you had?

Stepmum- I agree with what you said. Teens these days are a lot more Gender fluid, and can be big one day, and straight the next. They seem a lot more comfortable with coming out, then in my generation.

Op - well done to you and other parents who’s dcs trusted them with this news,

ballyhooback · 09/12/2018 18:51

p.s. I didn't want to sound like I was having a go at you OP though!! I just am soooo tired of all this promotion of self-obsession and self-importance about people's alternative "sexuality" that seems to infecting all of society. It wasn't directed at you!

ballyhooback · 09/12/2018 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Loftyswops988 · 08/12/2018 11:41

i told my mum i fancied boys / had a boyfriend, but knew deep down i wasn't straight, but i wouldn't have told her til i was sure. Came out as bi at 18 but i would definitely say i identify as gay now. I wish i'd had the guts to tell my mum things before to be honest!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 08/12/2018 01:12

@steppemum
As someone else has said, there is also a lot of hype around labels at school, and being bi, trans, agender, etc etc is very trendy.

I'm sorry some posters are having a go at you because of the above statement. As another Mum of a teen (DD, 13), I agree that there definitely IS hype around labels at the moment. DD has talked to me about it and other parents (with teens at different schools) have told me they've heard the same from their kids.

I'm sure it's a passing trend, but it can't be easy for teens who really are bi or trans, when their peers are just pretending to be because it's "cool" at the moment.

steppemum · 07/12/2018 19:31

Oh, I'm sorry for missing that. It wouldn't have occurred to me to equate an 11 year old's awareness with a 15 year old's.

I didn't.
In my first post, I made the point that dd1 at 13 was already sure, (and therefore was no surprise that a15 yo was). And dd2 at 11 was talkin about it, but I was not convinced, due to age.

I then got lynched and the rest of my posts were defending myself.

I think I've had enough of this thread.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 07/12/2018 19:28

No dripfeed, I said that right up front.

Oh, I'm sorry for missing that. It wouldn't have occurred to me to equate an 11 year old's awareness with a 15 year old's.

WishingIDidnot · 07/12/2018 19:08

I had my first crush on a girl in primary school, age 10.

I understood I was bisexual from 12.

I didn't tell my mum till I was 30!

So at 15 you should be honoured.

steppemum · 07/12/2018 19:06

another one who is only 11

Dripfeed much. The OP's DD is 15.

No dripfeed, I said that right up front.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 07/12/2018 18:33

My son came out as bi at 13, to me and his peers at least

He has always preferred boys and is in a relationship with a young man (22 to his19)

He now refers to himself as gay, but i think that's probably just a bit easier for him

I had a number of very well meaning friends who told me when he was 15/16 that it was a phase, or he was confused...

Echobelly · 07/12/2018 18:24

I think some do and some don't. I do know a few girls who came out as loud and proud lesbians/bisexuals age 14 or 15 and turned out to not to be later (with acknowledgement that obviously you can be bi and be monogamous with someone of the opposite sex too!). But either way it's not a problem.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 07/12/2018 18:16

another one who is only 11

Dripfeed much. The OP's DD is 15.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 07/12/2018 18:15

Oh ffs, some people are professionally offended.

No, I don't make a living from being old and grumpy.

But I've spotted a gap in the slogan T shirt market.

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Omzlas · 07/12/2018 17:31

I remember at 14/15 being convinced that I was bi

I went on to have a couple of BFs and then a GF. In hindsight I think I was very curious and I was able to explore that avenue

Now, even married, I'd probably identify as more pan than anything

I hate when this called a 'phase' though, really grinds my gears

I do love however that she's comfortable enough to speak to you about it. I have gone NC with my own egg donor (for various reasons) but I hope to be this close with my kids

steppemum · 07/12/2018 17:30

and it isn't because she is saying she is bi that I suspect it may not be the last we hear, but because she is only 11, which is pretty young to be sure of anything relating to sexuality. But she may know for sure, and that will become apparent over time.

Spanglyprincess1 · 07/12/2018 17:26

I think 15 is old enough to know. I'd class myself as bi but with a preference for men. That being said one of my biggest crushes was on a female friend and I ahve dated women.
Just be supportive and reassure her it's fine and your just happy she is happy. In this day and age I don't think someone's sexuality matters , it's about finding a trusting loving relationship regardless often gender of your partner

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