Teens and weed

[Maisie36]

I have recently discovered that my 15 yr old son is regularly smoking weed. We found all of the paraphernalia in a box in his room, and when confronted he showed no shame! He thinks it's totally normal, that everyone he know does it, and really cannot see why we would have a problem with it! What do I do, now I know that every social event he goes to that's what they are all doing?

[Sprite4]

My son is 20 and has been smoking weed since he was at least 15, he’s tried to give up before but hasn’t, it is addictive one way or another. It does seem that I’m the only parent who doesn’t want my son to smoke weed, apparently all his friends parents are fine with it! I won’t have it in the house but that’s apparently infringing in his privacy, he does suffer from anxiety which I believe has been exasperated but weed but he says the anxiety has been suppressed by the weed. There is no reasoning with him over this, what he says goes and everyone else is wrong! It’s just nice to know I’m not the only one who feels like this. If you can put a stop to this then do with everything you have because it just gets harder the longer they smoke it and the older they get

[BG2015]

What professional help is there? I’ve looked online at the FRANK website which is informative but not really helpful.

My son smokes it and I’m worried that he’s doing other drugs too. He lives with his dad Mon- Fri as he has an apprenticeship and it’s easier for him to get to work from his dads.

He comes here for the weekend and I hardly see him as he’s out with his mates, which is fine but when he is here he’s either asleep or miserable. He’s 18 in 3 weeks.

How can you punish/ ground an 18 year old? He’s practically an adult. How on earth can we make him see what he’s doing.

[LindaDeb]

I just wanted to confirm that my son also says weed is prevalent amongst the teenagers at school, with the usual "everyone does it" as an excuse. Of course I remember my mother saying "if everyone else jumped off a cliff..."

We went through essentially the same as OP a couple of years ago, and I do urge you to seek help, as others have also recommended. Whilst a little weed may be relatively harmless, why take the risks. For what it's worth, I think we were too late and my son still smokes the stuff (probably always will at this stage).

I will also add that it does appear to be genuinely rife amongst the teenagers at my son's school, and that is how it is so readily available - only a few need to have access to a supply, and it spreads like wildfire. A few dollars and instant social gratification keeps the market going. I wasn't naive in thinking that sending my son to a good independent school would avoid these problems, but one of my friend's daughters goes to a state school which apparently has similar issues, so it seems there really is no escape.

We just have to be vigilant during the times we can control their behaviour, and I support the suggestion of drug testing. If they have breached trust, there is no point making a charade about it.

[Wolfiefan]

Or erm never.

[fishonabicycle]

The main trouble with teens smoking weed is that the grass available now is massively stronger than it used to be. It can very easily have a bad effect on developing brains. I sincerely hope that my son isn't/doesn't start smoking. At the very least until is is a good few years older.

[tammytroubles123]

Iv just found out my 15 year old daughter is smoking it, she denied it to me we had a row, again now she has gone to stay with her father who also smokes it . She has now told me she is not coming home! I don’t no wot to do! I’m so worried about her education and her mental wellbeing!

[LoniceraJaponica]

endofthelinefinally

Unfortunately weed is becoming more commonplace among teens. DD is 17 and met up with a friend recently that she hadn’t seen for a while. Some friends of her friend turned up and they all wanted to go outside to smoke weed. DD didn’t want to so her friend reluctantly stayed in the coffee shop with her while the others went out to smoke. The friend made it pretty clear that she thought DD was being a wet blanket for not wanting to smoke.

DD wants to go into medicine and knows perfectly well that a drugs conviction will mean that she will fail a DBS check and won’t be able to work with vulnerable people, so she stays out of trouble. She is like me and very cautious and would be afraid of getting into trouble with the law anyway.

“I even came home unexpectedly to find my ds and 4 mates smoking in our garden.”

I think I would have called the police to give them a reality check.

[endofthelinefinally]

It is only recently that I discovered the extent of the drug problem in ds's school. Covered up rather than dealt with by staff.

[susan325]

Hi
My daughter at school (she's in Year 11) says loads of people smoke drugs (sometimes even getting it out in class!) I don't have any experience in my family with drug taking but I do hope that your son gets help for it - I hope you are ok too.

[BarbarianMum]

My brother did this. It was not just a phase.

[ThisMeans]

So sad to hear your experience, EndoftheLine.

Maisie, I think you did well to put an end to it in your home. Unfortunately the "everybodys doing it, its no problem" is part of the problem. Agree with Bertie on the research - its actually harmful for the young. I think many parents are sleep-walking on this issue, and need to clue themselves up.

[BertieBotts]

It is absolutely not harmless. Studies show that up to about 25 years old it affects brain development. After that, it's no worse than alcohol (possibly less harmful).

As he's said he's planning to stop - try to be supportive in the kind of way which puts a little pressure on him. Help him/encourage him to come up with a concrete plan on HOW he will stop. Then encourage every step, help him work out a plan B if a step fails, etc.

[Maisie36]

End of the line. I am so sad to hear your story, I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm glad to hear so many of your opinions on this now. Things have been tough during half term, I even came home unexpectedly to find my ds and 4 mates smoking in our garden. I went ballistic and kicked them out, and grounded my ds yet again.

He has assured me that he was planning to stop after 1/2 term anyway and get on with his studies running up to his GCSEs, so fingers crossed. (He's at a very competitive grammar school)

[schoolgaterebel]

It is a widespread problem but not all teens smoke weed. My DS would estimate about 40% of his peers smoke weed. They are seen as the 'losers' in life, they don't achieve well in exams, have less ambition and zest for life, often don't have part time jobs, hobbies or take part in sport etc.

So, although this is very common and quite normal teen behaviour, it is not harmless and not what you want for your DS, I would do whatever you can to put a stop to this habit.

[SummerKelly]

I hate weed because of the risks about mental health. A lot of my DD’s friends smoke it, she hasn’t so far, I emphasise that we have mental health conditions on both sides of the family, which could make her more susceptible through smoking weed, and also on a day to day level it makes people boring as fuck. I am generally fairly tolerant of a whole range of other things so she knows I’m not saying this lightly. Although TBH I feel the same about alcohol, but it seems round here the girls drink and the boys smoke

[endofthelinefinally]

As long as so many people normalise it, and schools make no attempt to educate or stop it, things will only get worse.
In some parts of USA kids are being sold bags of grass clippings laced with fentanyl. They think it is weed and they are dying.
The dealers don't care.

[Wolfiefan]

end of the line I'm so sorry.
I would do my utmost to keep my child away from weed. I know there are lots of people on here who see it as harmless. It isn't

[Daisymay2]

The weed avalable now is a lot more potent than it was just a few years ago. We knew 40 years ago when I was a student that THC could have psychological effects are there are more issues now with higher concentrations. It needs to be "de-normalised", the high potency stuff currently available can have devastating long term effects for some people.
It may be restricting the money and destroying the paraphenalia might help but there is a risk he might turn to dealing. as PP suggested it might be more effective to ground him.

[endofthelinefinally]

Some teenagers who smoke weed will stop once they get a bit older.
Some will be unable to stop.
Some will find that their life chances will be affected.
Some will suffer long term effects on their mental health.
Some will progress to harder drugs.
Some will end up dead.
Out of a group of kids at secondary school, I know some in all groups.
Mostly boys.
Out of the 20 or so that I knew personally, (all started on weed), 2 are dead due to progressing to harder drugs. 4 are still smoking it regularly but are holding down jobs. 2 have fairly serious mental illness, both have been told that this was probably precipitated by cannabis use. 2 dropped out of university and do bits and pieces of low paid jobs - both were bright kids and should have done well.
My son was one of the ones who died, so I will admit that my feelings about this are pretty strong.
Mumsnet users generally seem to think smoking weed is fine and harmless.
I don't agree and I think it is better to try to get professional advice sooner rather than later.

[Mumof56]

Out of interest how do you deal with money in the holidays?


Mine get thier phones paid for and anything else they need comes from thier pocket money. If they have spent all thier money and have none for lunch, they make lunch to bring with them. They learn to budget & save for things they want/need. They get 60/month pocket money year round.

[Eminybob]

I smoked weed regularly as a teen, probably from age 15.
I haven’t touched the stuff in years, it was just the “fashionable” thing to do at the time.
I am now a normal 30 something with no history of substance abuse who has lead a very conventional boring life. As are all my friends I did it with back then.

It’ll just be a phase so don’t worry, but just keep an eye open as I do acknowledge my experience isn’t always the way it goes.

[Ttbb]

The problem with weed is that you DS could end up in jail for merely knowing that someone else is smoking it and not reporting it, hypothetically at least. Fortunately enforcement these days is focused more on dealers than users which brings me on to my next point. While limiting access to funds seems like a good idea it may backfire resulting in your child taking up small scale dealing to fund his habit. If you really don't want him smoking it then you should follow your friend's example and stop him from spending time with his smoking friends.

[NachoAddict]

I don't have any advice sorry I am posting to see how others deal with this. My son is 12 and the area we live weed is prevalent, I know hardly any young lads that dont use it, including family and I am dreading how to deal with this when the time comes.

[scatterbrainedstarfish]

• shed

[scatterbrainedstarfish]

My MIL’s neighbour has recently just bought her DS a she’d for his birthday - so that he can smoke his weed in there especially!
I suppose at least she knows when, how much and how often he’s using it.