Feel daughter is addicted to internet

[febel]

hi, please don't shoot me down in flames for being stupid..but my YD, just 16, seems addicted to the internet/being on line. We had a huge row last night which ended not only in the vile things she screams at me but also in her kicking, screaming and scratching my face (yes, our relationship has got to this sorry state) because I ask her to come off at 10pm...which considering she gets up for college at 6.50am and gets back home at 5.30pm, I think is late enough? I did try to leave it on a week ago but she just stays on it until 11/12 at night. She is supposed to turn lights out around 10.30. Last night I went up, not having turned the wifi off, and she was still on it at 10.20...I was polite about her turning it off as it was 20 minutes after we had asked her to abide by but she just erupted..again.
Am I being draconian? Do your teenagers stay on all the time? I work with teenagers and we have problems with them not being able to think properly because they are so tired through being on line/gaming til the early hours. She says EVERYONE goes on all the time..she takes it in with her to brush her teeth even. We are very concerned, she is bad tempered and moody, and extremely touchy and very very volatile, particularly after she has been on line, comes in at 5.30, goes straight upstairs and on line, walks about with her I pad on, stays upstairs all the time apart from a quick meal downstairs. Since she got her i-pad last xmas (before then it was internet only downstairs) her behaviour has got worse and worse...beyond what we have experienced as normal (!) teenager behaviour...she is our 3rd daughter and sadly feel our relationship is breaking down. I have told her I love her and I feel I am doing my best for her ...we do a lot for her,as we did for our other two, and wanted to, ferry her about, pay for stuff, support her etc
Punishment wise for behaviour nothing works anyway, she'll just shout aggressively "DO IT!" and as she has a job doesn't need money that much off us. It is upsetting us so much, we thought we were through the terrible teenager bit but since she has gone to college it's got much worse

I believe that people are made up of different circumstances that build up, which will then cause different information and events to be processed in a different way.

Colleges and sixth forms promote independence, so she'll be looking to grow up and it's possible that the idea of an arranged bedtime (and WiFi cutout) is coming across as patronising, so it maybe time that you let her decide for herself when she goes to bed. She'll have to find out what works and what doesn't for herself sometime, and the best time is while she's still young enough to recover from them.

At times colleges will dish out big amounts of coursework too, so that could be problematic if the wifi is turned off at a set time.
Also, it might be a good bet to let her try it for a longer period - maybe a month or so to really see if she adapts and works it out. (If she doesn't, she'll probably be too tired to fight with you hopefully!)

Another idea would be to give her something to work towards: possibly tell her you'll remove the bedtime restrictions when she's 17 based on behaviour and she how she reacts.

But it does sound like she needs to work on her communication skills: war isn't the best way to get a point across!

PS: Sorry for the thread revival, but from other threads I've seen I gather you're still at war :(

Evening. I have to comment on a post I read about "taking daughter to a mental health professional". If you do that she will be put on strong head meds which will NOT HELP. The internet/games etc causes an imbalance in dopamine in the brain. Going off electronics/internet will help re balance this problem with dopamine.

You’re absolutely not being draconian. I have a 14-year-old daughter and we’ve had very similar battles around screen time, especially at night. The anger, the shouting, the refusal to come off, it’s exhausting and upsetting, and you’re not alone in this at all!!
You're right to be concerned about the impact on her sleep and mood. My daughter became much moodier when she was constantly online, especially late. We ended up making some changes, including using the teen wellbeing luna app (weareluna.app), which she actually took to. It talks about screen use, emotions, boundaries, and sleep in a way that teens actually listen to, more than they do us sometimes. It's also made by experts so I trust it
It sounds like you're doing your best, and your love for her really comes through. This phase is incredibly hard, but it doesn’t mean things won’t shift again.