Shy 15 yr old dd, no real friends

[Rosirose]

This is my first posting so forgive me if it's not quite right. I'm desperate to help my 15 yr old dd. She started at her very academic school in yr 7 knowing nobody. Since then she has had trouble making friends and when she does they seem to disappear soon afterwards. It is always her who makes arrangements and often she is let down. She has spent the half-term week doing homework and with me. She has joined a netball club out of school but hasn't really made friends, she went on a summer camp last year but again didn't really make friends. We are thinking of changing schools for sixth form but why should a new school be any different? She is 15 but spends every weekend at home (she also hates sleepovers). She always had friends in her junior school. I just don't know what to do for the best. Has anyone got any suggestions I'm so worried.

[SugarMouse1]

Yes, but maybe HomeEd would boost her self-esteem IFSWIM?

Btw, many boys of this age don't have a social life- they just play computer games all the time!!!

I'm not saying that this is a good thing- but they tend to be perfectly normal socially once they grow up a bit.

Anyway, this has surely got to be better then her hanging around street corners like many of this age group!

When she is 16 she could maybe look for a part-time job, and this may help a lot!!!

[exoticfruits]

I don't think that the alternative to being alone is hanging around street corners! It is perfectly possible to have similar minded friends. She is an academic DD, at a highly academic school, doing well-I can't see it is any help to be at home, trying to do it without teachers.
As a shy child the very worst thing that could have happened for me and my self esteem was to opt out and be at home full time-and I certainly wouldn't have mentioned any problems if I thought that would be the suggestion to it.
She needs suggestions for getting out and about. The part time job, once old enough, is a much better one.

[racklecrackle]

Thank you ladies, I'm also in the same boat with my DD, she is 15, a lovely girl but for some reason the "friends" talk about her in their little groups and ignore her. She is very lonely and suffers with anxiety and this is just having a negative affect.
I'm just so worried for her, it's a difficult environment as we live on an Island and people are quite judgemental if you're not from the area, she wants to go to sixth form elsewhere, but it looks like some of these "friends" are wanting to go too I just want to protect her and help I'm any way I can, but she doesn't want me to go to the school about it. Any advice out there? TIA x

[junebirthdaygirl]

Is there a local church youth group she could join? My dd now 22 never drank and when all the girls began going out drinking she hated that scene. She joined local church youth group. We don't attend . It's totally just her. The kids don't drink so they are constantly organising fun things to do which dd loves. She has made so many like minded friends boys and girls. When she went to university she immediately joined a local one there and was straight into lovely group . Just now she moved to a new city for summer work and told me last night she is invited out by few others she met at a church group . She has never drank. She is quiet and studious but the close friendships she has are just brilliant and the constant fun activities dinners trips are unreal.

[chrome100]

Oh God, your DD sounds just like I was at school. I used to borrow books from the library about how to have self-confidence and would write lists and practice all the suggestions, but to no avail. Things changed massively for me when I left school and my social life opened up. My confidence also grew and things got a lot easier. I know that's no help for your DD now, but school can be a tough place with a very limited social circle. I think a new 6th form might help.

[AlanPacino]

Just another thought into the mix although it is a bit 'left of field'. My dd seemed okay in primary but was obviously not mixing, making or maintain friendships in middle school. Because of this I pursued an ASD diagnosis which she was given after assessment. It helps because the school have to make allowances and plans so that she can be as happy as possible.

[AmysTiara]

Zombie thread

Rackle I would start your own thread if you need advice

[shadypines]

Just want to send hugs to all on hear worried about their DDs DS's. I have a DD 13yrs who is similar to the ones mentioned on here. I dread the six week summer holidays. I live in hope that one day she will have a few good friends. I think we just have to love them, be there for them and try and get them involved in things they enjoy but not force, they have to be themselves, reinforce that there is nothing wrong with being the quieter person.

to all and OP I hope you've found some comfort and help.

[shadypines]

oops here not hear ( you can tell I'm tired!)