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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Sinking --- 16yr son drops out of 6th form

42 replies

tinyshoes · 08/02/2013 22:43

Has anyone the same experience please and tips at how to deal with this situation. We are so worried and time is just drifting with only marginal improvements? .........

Our bright 16yr (twin) son has had to leave his 6th form. He has a string of GCSE's all at A* and an AS level taken early. He is certainly suffering from anxiety ? his concerns a mixture of ?what?s the point of education/don't know what I want to do with my life/disillusioned with the UK education system - has become an exam factory rather than the thrill of learning that he had before GCSE's /wanting to get to university fast and then not at all..... and a whole host of all the usual teenage issues about society, parents uselessness etc ...... angry with the world and especially me his mum. It was a question of leave school or be kicked out with a poor reference .

He has gone from being outward going; very much liked at school ( and now missed); stopped his gymnastics( he has never been able to sit still); stays indoors; sees almost no one as a result; stopped reading; has short attention and can?t recall simple requests to do things; won?t talk about anything ;is unable to be self motivated in anything....to all intense and purposes acting as far as we can tell depressed.

He has been home since October and literally has spent almost everyday since (unless we take him out ) in the front room on his pc (if we take it away we have extremely anxious and angry behaviour and we have been advised not to but to ? distract? him away from it ? he was reading about all sorts of things but also other dross that we did not approve of- he now makes sure the history is lost so we can?t see what he has been doing ).

We have involved the psychiatrists? as some of his behaviour early on was OCD ? but they have said he is not mentally ill just over anxious. He has had a course of CBT which helped a bit ? his anger has calmed a little. He looks as though he may be able to get back regularly to just helping with gymnastic coaching for a few hours a week (rather than training as he was) and this week he has done a few more things with his Dad ( who is hoem full time) eg swimming, fitting lights on his bike, cooking a meal. But we are getting no help or guidance as to how to help our son ? we are just doing what feels right to get him involved in other things.

He seems to have no intention of going back to school but wants to ?learn?, or to get a job of any sort part time or full time ; we have suggested an apprenticeship and tried unsuccessfully a 6th form college; if we pursue this more logically ?adult way of thinking he gets angry and threatens leaving home . .

We see a boy who had so many opportunities starting to close down - he says he is bored but does nothing to change the situation - not much can come from sitting in 4 square walls.

We have been able to keep his place at his old school for him to return to in September and at the 6th form college. But that is a long way away and meantime he is in that room ... doing nothing except surfing the net on god knows what ........ We just hope this burns itself out and a light will go back on ? in time for him to slot back into the education system in September.

I work full time and am aften away from home ; I am distracted by this - feel like 'my baby is drowning' and I don't know how best to protect him from himself when he had such a rosy easy future ahead of him. I know its a tiny time in a lifetime so far but now I'd thought is the time to explore and enjoy life while still at home ...... feel he is missing so much ..... with no plan, aimless. .... and not growing up. And yet depressed maybe??

What else can we do - for him and for us so we don?t add to the anxiety ( it has been pretty fraught as we tried to understand all this .... and to make sure his brother isn?t ignored and worried ) ?

Thanks for any tips at all

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Distraughtmum1205 · 15/02/2017 22:05

Thanks all, I spoke to CAMHS today, and are getting him in know an emergency appointment. He's been rooting around looking for antidepressants that he used to take and taking them to try and feel better. My OH just seem to argue about the situation, maybe I'm more 'softer' being his mum but I can't help it.
It's awful seeing your child not only potentially throw his future out of the window but also seeing his mental health decline to the point that he's hitting walls and damaging his hand (he's a very very passive boy normally) paving back and forth, my 6ft son sobbing on my shoulder like a baby is killing me 😢😢 xxxx