My 14 year old whilst being happy with lots of interests - (he plays in a football team, is in the scouts and loves school) but rarely if ever goes out with friends. He spends his time in his room with his hobbies - he builds models for his skalextric and spends time on his computer, not often on facebook and not on twitter at all. I feel he should be spending more time with friends and have tried to encourage this.
It's his birthday this weekend and I tried to get him to invite some friends to do something (cinema, go-karting?) but although he had 3 friends in mind whom he would've liked to ask he never got around to it, saying that he would rather wait until he was asked by them. I think it is a confidence thing and he is scared of being turned down. How can I help him to build up confidence and a healthy social life?
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14 year old son never goes out with friends
WorriesRus · 03/01/2013 12:21
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DS is 14 and going through a hermit phase. A lot of people say this is just a phase. Also, who's to say that everyone should be an extrovert anyway. 
OP, do you live in a rural area? We do, and part of the problem is that friends can live so far apart. Families are busy with their routine, so it's difficult to meet up.
Of course, there are always parents who love to tell you about all of their DC's achievements, social lives and clubs etc. I'm sure it's insecurity, or they wouldn't feel the need to bang on to others about it.
Very relieved to come across this thread and realise my DS is the same as many others!! He is 14, loves his x box and the social side of it, but try to get him to organise something etc, it is all "too much effort"!!
I miss the days of us all going out for the day, but most of the time he obviously finds me and his DSis far too embarrassing to be seen with! 
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My 13 yo is just like this. He makes friends perfectly easily, and is pretty popular I think, but he just can't be bothered to make arrangements to fill his time outside of school. He loves school, and he will occasionally invite one friend over at a time for a sleepover, (if I nag him to) but he will go to anything he is invited to, and is quite excited at the prospect so I don't think it's that he genuinely doesn't like to be around people. I too think it's a confidence thing and a fear of rejection. And he will never have more than one friend over at a time - But I worry he doesn't get invited to enough, because he is so happy to lay low and be off most people's radars most weekends, that eventually they'll forget about him.
We moved recently to somewhere where there a lots of lads of a similar age in close proximity, and a couple of them knew him through mutual friends. All really nice kids - he doesn't dislike them at all but he's just completely passive about it. At first they would all come knocking for him after school but after a while they just gave up because he just doesn't reciprocate and he can't even be bothered to go out and hang out with them for more than 15 minutes before he's back! They'll all be kicking a football of riding their bikes around and he's just not interested.
Honestly, he can get up at the weekend, sit in his TV room with his laptop and his PS3 and literally NOT MOVE until it's time for bed. The same almost every night after school as well. It drives me nuts. He hates sport and refuses to join any clubs of any sort. I've forced him into a couple of things, which he enjoys, but left to his own devices he'd still rather stay on the sofa. He's a lovely boy and a good boy, and his personality is outgoing, so I just don't get it. 
And he has a real thing about not wanting to socialise with more than one person at a time. We live somewhere hot and have our own pool. There are endless opportunities for pool parties but he won't entertain the idea at all.
I started this thread during the last school holidays and here we are - February half term, in the same position. My 12 year old DD is organising activities, meetings with friends but DS again is up in his room, doing his own thing (being bored). He has admitted he would like to meet up with friends but will not get in touch with any of them. I've said they're probably the same and would love to hear from him but he answers with "why don't they phone me then?"
Oh for the days when I contacted mums and organised their days for them!
Grrrrrr! 
I have triplets who will be 14 in a few weeks. Two boys and one girl. The boys socialise via xbox and computer whilst DD would be out and about all the time if she could. DS1 was the same - spent pretty much 4 years in his bedroom, emerging as a rather lovely young man. They do socialise at school, so they are seeing people, they just prefer home to seeing them out of school as well. Take it as a compliment.
Thanks to Mumalot, SecondhandRose and Madlizzy, your posts have all made me feel much better and I need to bear in mind that DS is happy if a bit bored on occasion during the holidays.
Mumalot - you are right I would prefer to know he is safe and not out somewhere "up to no good". 
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