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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Home weed drug test - positive result

38 replies

Parttimeslave · 09/12/2012 09:54

Ok. So ds2 (17) been hanging out with the "wrong sort" for ages. He's a pretty good kid from a happy, secure home, currently working (reasonably) hard for his A levels and hoping to go off to uni next Sept. He has lied in the past about smoking (we knew he did, but always denied it). Has stollen small amounts of money from my purse etc (that was before he got a Saturday job last year).

I bought home testing kits for cannabis off the internet a while back when I had slight suspicions about smelling something "odd" in the house after he'd had mates around a couple of times. I told him I owned the kits and would have no trouble giving him a random test if I ever felt I needed to. That was about 10 months ago, and haven't felt the need to do so (thank god), until last night.

I asked him to give me a urine sample after smelling the "odd" smell in the house again after we'd had a night out. He abliged (bit reluctantly) and to our horror it was positive. Dh and I sat with him calmly and he told us he didn't smoke weed and that he was given a "weed cake" at a party the night before. We don't believe him!

He has willingly agreed to be checked randomly/regularly from now on. He has been given more and more freedom to stay out late (at weekends only) and go to various 18th parties etc. He has a Saturday job and earns his own money.

Advice please. Is there anymore now we should be doing other than stay on his case and keep lines of communication open? He's lost our trust again for the time being at least, and he's not going to have as much freedom as he's had recently. I was even thinking of getting home tests for other substances that I've heard about (M-cat, speed), just in case. He never appears to be high when we see him (however he gets home late and we're often in bed!). It's such a scary, heart-wrenching situation to find yourself in. My dh is on the same page as me and we just want to keep him safe. He's is off to uni (maybe) next year - we can't check up on him then!

OP posts:

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grumiosmum · 22/03/2019 17:54

I realise this is a Zombie thread .... But ... are non of you "rite of passage" folk concerned about how strong skunk is now compared with when we were young, and the vastly increased risk of psychosis?

Bouledeneige · 09/03/2019 17:32

My DD knew a guy at school who purchased urine from a 'maths nerd' to get by his parent's weekly test.

Weed is a natural rite of passage for the vast majority of teenagers and I personally think its better to build trust and honesty in the context of realism than to go ballistic. I was very aware my kids would try it more than once. I'm not a fan personally but of course I tried it too when I was their age. Neither of my two liked or became obsessed by it - there are also many other drugs that are readily available that are very likely to be tried once or twice. I am fully aware of what my two have done and approve of their honesty and maturity. They need to learn how to navigate through this phase of life, who and what situations to avoid. On the plus side they are much less likely to be as obsessed with binge drinking alcohol as our generation.

bellareznik · 15/02/2019 14:03

That is the point! And also, drug test doesn't guarantee the result. There are a lot of methods which may help to bypass it. As an example, my uncle had the same drug test and used Macujo method www.payspi.org/macujo-method-pass-hair-follicle-drug-test-guaranteed. Guess what? Test was passed! My point is that these tests can not show the real picture.

flow4 · 11/12/2012 19:41

Yeah, I wonder that too, Hokey...

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 10/12/2012 18:00

The op hasn't been back on this one, i wonder how they felt about the responses.

ZhenThereWereTwo · 09/12/2012 17:06

Another one saying you are being OTT re testing. I think the biggest problem you have is if he is smoking in the house which is disrespectful of him if he is. Better he smokes the odd joint in your garden with his mates than out on the street where he can get arrested for possession or get mugged wandering around late at night finding somewhere to smoke.

My mum was very very anti smoking and when I did get involved in heavier stuff and needed help I couldn't talk to her, maybe if I had some of the crap that happened to me wouldn't have.

flow4 · 09/12/2012 17:04

No, I agree drugs testing isn't helpful. And I've written a long post saying so. But the OP is already feeling bad; she doesn't need to feel any worse - she needs information, advice and reassurance.

Somebodysomewhere · 09/12/2012 16:56

Im not sure forcing your adult children to take drugs tests are helpful either. I thought it was a joke when i first read it tbh.

flow4 · 09/12/2012 16:53

The OP is understandably worried. It's scary when your kids start getting involved in things you have no experience or understanding of. She needs information and reassurance. Insults aren't helpful or necessary.

Somebodysomewhere · 09/12/2012 16:11

You sound quite deranged. Its the odd spliff not injecting heroin into his eyeballs.
I feel sorry for your son. Pretty much everyone experiments you know. I still enjoy the odd joint. I have 2 degrees and a good job - hasn't done me any harm.I also no longer even drink. Weed is hardly the devil.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 13:14

Yeah

I need to calm down, this poor boy is most likely only testing the water, as we they do!

goralka · 09/12/2012 13:13

sorry I think drug testing a 17 year old is OTT , you talk about breaking trust, but you obviously do not trust him at all, besides he will be 18 soon and then he can move out. Which I would if I were him.

flow4 · 09/12/2012 13:11

Oops, we cross posted! I understand about the desire to 'jump in' and feel desperate to make everything better, NotW. It's incredibly stressful living with the kind of erratic behaviour drugs and mental health problems can bring, isn't it? And you can feel very powerless. And you are. :(

But luckily, it sounds like the OP is a very long way from those kinds of experiences. :)

timeforachangebaby · 09/12/2012 13:10

Its controlling beyond all measure, most 17 year olds would refuse to provide a urine sample for their parents, the fact this one complied speaks volumes on its own.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 13:10

Yes I totally understand that Flow4, drug around here are rife. I like to give my Dc talks a lot, I guess most people do experiment with weed, I did. For many years...thankfully I didn't move onto the 'barking at washing machine drugs'

flow4 · 09/12/2012 13:07

Yes, I realised you meant the OP's son - sorry, I didn't express myself well. My point is that a drugs service will only help her DS if he chooses to go there, not if she tries to 'make' him. She may be able to get a little bit of info and support for herself, but it is likely to be rather limited, because such services are intended for people, and the families of people, with much more serious problems.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 13:07

Yeah I agree with that, I doubt my son would give me a sample if he knew I had a test in the house, he would go find a way to trick it. Sorry I have jumped in here without thinking it through, I just think of my wacko brother barking at washing machines (not weed related)

flow4 · 09/12/2012 13:03

And also NotWank, I don't think people are saying "weed is OK"; I think they are saying testing won't help, and might harm, for various reasons including because it damages trust and communication.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 13:02

I was thinking of the Ops son rather than her, both my brothers started smoking weed at 14/15, they both still do, one is okay, he has a great job etc, the other isn't he has been in/out all sorts of hospital, they both moved onto harder drugs, one is fine the other, isn't, I guess I have just seen bad experiences coming from a little bit of weed smoking.

Let's hope he just sticks to a smoke and eventually gets fed up then....I do have experiences of drug drop ins, I worked in one. It was worse than weed though, I just dislike all drugs, talk to my eldest regularly about the effects of weed, which most people will say there are none... there are though imo.

flow4 · 09/12/2012 12:55

NotWanking, a drop in drugs service will not be any use at all to the OP. They are geared up to support people with real problems, which the OP's son does not appear to have. Young people have to attend voluntarily - there is no way of forcing them - and the drugs service asks the YP very careful Qs about why they are there and what they hope to achieve: they quickly identify whether the YP themselves think they have a problem.

As a parent, drugs services can provide you with info, and some of them will also provide counselling for parents, but they will not discuss your DC's drug use with you, and they cannot work with your DC because you want them to - only if the young person themselves want help.

Bigwuss · 09/12/2012 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timeforachangebaby · 09/12/2012 12:34

gobsmacked that this is for real! Poor kid.

AngelGabrielWreakinHavoc · 09/12/2012 12:31

That is awful behaviour from you op. You sound very controlling.
If you are not careful he will be out the door like a shot, first chance he gets.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 12:23

I can't believe the amount of people thinking weed is okay....

They have no socilisation skills because they have been smoking weed so long. I would test my sons also if I thought they smoked weed, just because many people haven't moved on from weed to harder drugs doesn't mean your son will not, it's illegal for one thing, and not everyone doesn't go onto harder drugs!

Do you have a drop in drugs service where you are?

flow4 · 09/12/2012 12:03

Oh and by the way, the unknown drug my DS took wasn't an illegal drug, it was a prescription drug, taken from the other boy's dad's medicine cupboard. My DS told me he thought it would be OK, because "doctors give it to people". :(

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