Do they all just lie?

[mumsamilitant]

My son is 13. Gave him a choice whether I took his phone or sim off him at 10.30, he volunteered his sim after a couple of days soooo readily, i thought, hmmm hang on, this is to easy, low and behold he stuck another sim in it! blimey! im heart sore! I went into his bedroom and screeeamed at him you f.... ing little liar! how dare you! not a smart move i suppose but the first time I have caught him in a lie! Is this how its going to be for the next 5 years????

[AnyFucker]

FWIW, she is a "good girl" and anyone thinking "my teenager has more sense than that"...

forget it, you are deluding yourself

[blindmansmuff]

We have just acquired a 13 year old (family adoption) so we're very new to it all. He just says whatever causes him the least inconvenience, or tries to guilt trip (I didn't tell you because I knew you'd shout at me - we never shout!).

Last week I told him I knew a digit on his report card (aka the art project ) had been altered so would he please tell me which one it was. It took him ages to decide which one to plump for!

[wotifnotwotz]

Agree AF plus it's worse when parents delude themselves and believe all manner of half truths and rumors from their imaginative youths, then stick up for their little conniving brats. Don't even get me started on that one!

[generalhaig]

I think there's also an element of saying what they wish was the truth. It's a bit like when ds was 4 and he'd thump his little brother right in front of me, and then deny it with every fibre of his being ... he knew he shouldn't have done it, and wished that he'd not, so if he says it didn't happen, then it didn't, right?

[AnyFucker]

nah, it's just damage limitation, pure and simple, IMO

[GetOrf]

Oh anyf

They are silly sods aren't they. I am sorry - you must be gutted.

ONE DAY she will be 30 and you will laugh your socks off at the memory..

I never ever thought my daughter would bloody smoke. I have smoked on and off (yes, it's all my fault I see that) and ahe has always LOATHED it and nagged me (rightly) to stop.

She has got in a complete strop re the fags saying that 'you don't understand the STRESS of exams mum, smoking helps, you try understanding physics AND DON'T BORE ON ABOUT HOW HARD YOU WORKED TO PASS YOUR EXAMS MUM IT WAS EASIER YEARS AGO'.

What pisses me off about it is that I give her her monthly allowance, bus money and dinner money in one lump sum thinking that she could be trusted, and for christ knows how long she has buying fags with the money, the little git. So have cancelled her standing order, she is not getting any bloody cash out of me now.

[AnyFucker]

gutted is right, GetOrf

am beyond devastated, tbh

I still don't even think I have got the 100% truth, but tbh, I need to back away because I can't deal with more at the moment (can't let my mind go in that direction, am sure you know the one I mean )

she says nothing "untoward" happened, but she lied massively from the beginning, so how am I expected to believe now (which is pretty much how we left it, and forms the basis of her punishment)

no trust, no freedom until I feel she realises how stupid she has been

now I know she can't be up to anything, because she won't get the chance which is stupid really and what she was railing against before. I think she just didn't realise she actually did have the space to make mistakes...and took them with full and complete abandon !

re. the smoking...it's just so bloody banal really to be disappointed about the stuff we know we did ourselves, but you just can't help it can you ? And the way they think we were born yesterday. Don't they realise we have eyes (and ears, and noses) in the back of our heads ?

[noddyholder]

They do tell the most spectacular lies My ds is always throwing his arms in the air hysterically wailing "How could you think xyz of your own son?' You are not normal all my mates parents are so chilled etc etc.

[GetOrf]

Oh anyf - what you have written is what I feel as well.

I know it does sound daft to be so disappointed about smoking, but it isn't that, it's the fibs.

I have always given her a lot of trust - not so much freedom (she is not let out at night in the week, she has to be in at 9 at the weekend if she is getting the bus home, one of the benefits of living in a dodgy city is that strict curfews are accepted) but I have trusted her with money, let her stay in the house alone a lot, whatever she wants she gets, within reason. And also she has been a model child - does a lot of community work, does a load of stuff with cadets at the weekend etc. She is a good girl. I am just afraid that (a) the fags are the thin end of the wedge and I am TERRIFIED re weed being the next thing and (b) she is lying about other things.

Bloody kids. Or bloody kid in the singular, I have only got one. WHY do they think they know everything at the age of 15. They know fuck all.

[AnyFucker]

True

I thought I knew it all at 15, as well

I didn't

[BehindLockNumberNine]

I have this still to come in earnest, although ds (nearly 12) and dd (8) are known to tell the odd fib already.

But, I just have to ask, what does mean????

[BitOfFun]

It goes along with gnashing your teeth and generally demonstrating your anguish, Behind

[BehindLockNumberNine]

So who does it, the teen or the parent? I don't think I have ever 'rented hair' in my life....

Ds has perfected that 'flick' thing, where the long (too bloody long) front part of his hair gets flipped dramatically from in front of one eye to the other. Is it that sort of thing?

[mumsamilitant]

Right, so gather by this that theyre all damn liars! lol.... and have to admit i told a few whoppers in my time! Shall treat ds accordingly in future!

[BitOfFun]

It's when you clutch at your hair in the manner of a sobbing widow about to hurl herself on a funeral pyre- so you do it metaphorically here, after they have performed the full melodrama while maintaining their innocence...

[figroll]

I told my dd yesterday that I have now reached the point where I truly feel that everything she tells me is a lie, so I wasn't going to let her go out next week to something that she really wanted to do. She begged me but I was so fed up with all the deception, I held my ground and was very firm. I felt proud actually because I am as soft as s**t usually. I told her that she was untrustworthy and so I couldn't let her go because I wouldn't know where she was and even if she told me I could no longer believe her. She needed to prove to me that she could be trusted and that regaining someone's trust was a long haul and it wasn't going to be easy. When she looked upset I nearly gave in - it's so hard sometimes.

[AnyFucker]

yes, figgy, and the buggers play on it

[mumsamilitant]

lol... love the hair analgy AF. but we love them sooooo!

[BehindLockNumberNine]

Aaah, get it now, thanks! Shall watch the renting hair activities in this house from now on...

[pizzadelivery]

DS 14 is a pretty good kid in general.

Apart from stealing my card number to buy games and music which was discussed, dealt with and punishment formed on another thread!

He lies about brushing teeth, ummm no if I can scrape it with my fingernail then do it again before facing your public! Washing face etc "its clean did it the other day"...sigh.

If I can't smell the deodorant then you aren't wearing it...just cos he smells soo bad after double PE without!

I buy 'man stuff' for him now. I so miss the days of us doing face masks, xfactor and popcorn!

He really is a much better teenager than I was so not complaining!!

[fostermumtomany]

as you are all parents of teens maybe you can help me with my sister who is 14.
she was adopted by my parents at the age of 9 months.
recently she has turned into satan. my dad is disabled and she has been pushing him down the stairs. she lies constantly steals from mum and dad, stays out all night, says she is going somewhere then goes somewhere different, climbs out her bedroom window when grounded, th elist goes on. th emost worrying thing though is that she has been seeing this boy who is 17.
well after a bit of digging i found out she is related to him via her birth parents.
they are first cousins. she knows who he is, she looked for her family through the internet and found him. he also knows they are related. they are in a sexual relationship. i havent told mum and dad as it would destroy them.
i have tried talking to her big sis to little sis but everything i say falls on deaf ears.
what can i do? she has been speaking to the school counseller but given the amount of lies she tells i am wondering what she has been telling her.
i know she told he best friends mum that my parents physically abuse her which is totally untrue, she is the one abusing them (pushing dad down the stairs!)
i dont know what to do with her anymore, mum and dad are at the end of their tether. can anyone help me?

[BusyBodd]

I picked up a piece of advice when mine were quite small which has stood me in good stead, and it is that when you know they have done something don't ask them if they have, tell them that they have done it and the consquence is... The thing is that we all lie if we think it will cover up up when we've done wrong and children are no different. Have you never been in a situation where your boss has said "Is the report finished?" and you say "yes, I'm just getting it photocopied, it will be ready by tomorrow" and you know you haven't even started it yet?
Anyhoo, knowing that they will lie, you avoid making them do another wrong thing by saying "you have eaten the chocolate when I told you not to, and now I'm keeping some of your pocket money to pay for it". You also avoid all the "you never believe me" stuff.

We've had the smoking thing and it is very dissapointing but I'm also an ex-smoker and gave up when I realised the risks for myself. With this in mind I've just said "you've been smoking -I can smell it on you and it's horrible. Don't smoke in the house" and he goes in the street outside (he was 16 at the time).

The other piece of advice I got at the same time is to pick your battles - and if you bicker about whether teeth have been cleaned you lose credibility for the fight about something that really matters.

[JennHen]

They don't always lie. Seriously. Their lives are stressful, and I know that it is no excuse, but they have so much to deal with at such a young age that of course they will be stupid sometimes!

:D