Q and A with Charlie Taylor, author of 'Divas and Doorslammers - The Guide to better behaved teenagers'

[RachelMumsnet]

Untidy? monosyllabic? endless arguments; communication by grunt; Seismic sulking; Lives ruled by FOMO (fear of missing out). Sound like your teenager?

Behavioural expert Charlie Taylor is joining us this week to answer your questions on unruly teenagers. His book Divas and Doorslammers is a practical handbook which is full of simple, effective techniques for improving your teenager's behaviour.

Charlie Taylor has been a behavioural specialist for over 10 years. He has taught every age group, from nursery to 16-year-olds, working in tough inner city primary and comprehensive schools. He is currently the head teacher of a special school for children with behavioural, emotional and social difficulties in West London. He also works as a freelance behaviour consultant, coaching teachers in behaviour management techniques, and holds regular workshops for parents. He lives in London and is married with 3 immaculately behaved children.

Send your questions to Charlie on this thread by the end of the day next Monday 20th September and we'll be posting his answers by the end of the week.

[mumonthenet]

What happened to Charlie's answers?

[Suda]

Hello (getting weaker)

[RachelMumsnet]

Sorry for the delay - Charlie's answers are all back now and you can see the full Q and A here.

[bellaella16]

Help 16yr DS has several 100 pics of girls in (mostly) soft porn poses on laptop. Also some hard porn of all sorts on laptop. Found it when installing new printer drivers. Extreme moodiness seems to coincide with when downloads started.

Have not mentioned it out of respect for privacy. Naked girls I understand is natural curiosity. Porn clips worry me as they give false and rather nasty view of sex. He has male and female friends but no gf and not sexually active (as far as I know). What do I do?

[cuddlebugs]

my son is 11 yrs old starts high school this september and both of us fill he is not ready for this change . also he is behaviour is getting bad, which is not normal for him. he,s started to lie ,steal , bully and just realy nasty .please can you help me , need advise on how to deal with this ,i am at my wits end .

[Jogonannie]

Found a huge stain on the hall carpet this morning ( further investigation found it was dried lasagne!). Spider senses kicked in and I knew ds had taken food to his bedroom in the night. When I asked him why he didn't tell me he spilt it and just covered it with a rug, all I got was " well I knew you would shout at me! ". Beige carpet + lasagne = stressed out mum now on hands and knees scrubbing carpet.

[Elie12]

Dear Charlie,
I am 16 and my mother has a copy of your book as she was asked to get it to help with her job as a special needs coordinator, which I have had a look at. I feel that this book is very discrimanatery about how teenagers behave and it casts a bad image on us. Although I know that not everyone has the best behaviour I think that this book implies that this is how the majority acts rather than just about half or a quater of 11 to 16 year olds. For example it says,
"Most teenagers (as well as most of us) are addicted to mobile phones. If we go out the house without it we feel naked and vunerable, and if, heaven forbid, we leave it somewhere or loose it we are bereft." I personally hardly ever use my phone as It makes me feel like I am tied to people and I can't leave them behind and have my own life. Also I don't see the point in texting people I see all day at school once I get home from school. And others that I don't see that much I don't think I can talk to them properly through a text. I often leave my phone at my house or in my coat pocket for days and not even notice it's missing, that said they are very useful if I am out and and I want to know where someone is. Most other people I know my age don't use them that much, although there are some girls in my class who say they use about 300 texts a day! I can't believe that because whenever I talk to them they seem like the most boring people in the world. After my dad read this book he assumed that I would act the way they said, and I don't like it because it makes him think I am like that and have a low opinion of me when I am really not at all. And this leads him to snap at me when I am and even asking him the most resonable things like please can I have a bit of a break after dinner before I do my revision and this leads to arguments which lead me to feel in a bad mood and is very counter productive as then I can't concentrate!
Thankyou for reading what I have to say, I hope you won't judge all people in future
Elie

[Brisvegasmum]

Thesecondcoming how rude of you, coz I blame you for coming into my house whilst dd sleeps deliberately pissing her off for the medusa to rise in the morning like a tsunami, ain't laughed so hard for ages x

[Claudia13]

Like thesecondcoming said, reading this, I feel a bit better in a way that I'm not alone.

[Dappy1]

My 18 year old son caught his 15 year old sister in bed with her boyfriend. He is cross with me for not listening to his concerns earlier about the company she is keeping. He is so upset and angry that he punched the floor and has now broken his hand. Whilst stopping her from doing most things I did let her go to her girlfriends to watch a movie and this wasn't acceptable discipline to her father whom I am divorced from and also her brother, but I am also concerned for her and want to nurture her as I worry she will go completely off the rails as she says her friends are the only ones that make her feel good about herself. She has to come home from school and no one is now allowed back at the house. Her dad hit her in the hospital car park whilst I was waiting for her brother to be seen because of the mess she has caused. They feel she should be completely kept away from all friends including her girlfriends and I was too lenient. We are in such a bad place at the moment. Help!

[Beverley41]

I would like to ask Charlie for some advice on my 12 year old daughter, there are some issues of bad behaviour in school towards teachers and peers, she gets easily involved in things that are nothing to do with her. She has had some trouble with getting on with peers over the last few years but is a very attractive and loveable wee girl. Recently she sat school exams and I received reports that she answered 5 questions and then just stops looks around her or blurts out in class despite being told no talking during exams. If she is told off she takes it very personal and believes that you don't like her (parent, teacher or sister) and that is definitely not the case, she is the second child of 3 and does love and takes a lot of attention. She was diagnosed with female ADHD in 2012 but on my second opinion I was assured she was not ADHD and the specialist pit it down to bullying in school (there is still some element of this going on but on speaking to the school I think they are joining the 2 problems together and trying to convince me it is my daughter rather than deal with the issues separately. Please help

[Beverley41]

Question for Charlie Taylor! My daughter is 12 years old, she was diagnosed with Female ADHD by one doctor over 2 years ago but on a 2nd opinion with a different specialist it was confirmed that she was not ADHD. She has been having some difficulty in school, with her peers, teachers and school work, she blurts out questions despite being told not to also during her recent exams she answered 5 questions and just stopped and didn't continue, her reading has improved greatly since taking part in a reading partnership project within school. She also seems to hear different interpretations of things and can have a tendency to lie about things, she is never wrong and will never admit to being wrong. Have you ever heard of anything like this before and what is your advice of how myself and her Dad can help her?

[GaryBaldy]

Beverley this is a really old thread - you might be better starting your own thread in the SN area.