I confess i hate being a stepmother

[marmon]

Its been 4 years and my god they have been tough, my dh has a control freak ex wife who by the way left him for another man and a trouble making step son. I could go on for hours but do not want to bore you but i just had to let off steam and say that being a stepmum is harder than looking after my kids.

We only ever argue about the ex and the boy and to be honest i am exhausted and drained from it all. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Please dont judge me for moaning its just tough sometimes.

[ChuckItBucket]

Zombie thread

[user1484512193]

I have no advice but I can literally related. Me and my husband only ever argue about his ex and his daughter and 8 years in I'm reaching the end of my tether

[CornishGem1975]

Zombie thread.

[CommaDonna]

@pinguthepenguin

yes, you are mad. To say your home now feels 'tainted', is very unhealthy. She is the mother of your step-child. I cannot bear this attitude that she is to be someow demonised simply because she is an 'ex'. You would not leave someone you know on the doorstep of your home, and she should be no different. It's called human decency for goodness sake.

Don't get this 'shes the MOTHER of your step child' shite as if that means she holds any importance to you or she's some sort of God. This woman quite clearly has been horrid to OP in the past. Why would her being the mother of her step child make OP anymore inclined to want someone who's been a cunt to her, in her home?

[Tefalno1]

If I knew what I know now, I would have never got involved. I don't blame you at all . I am lying here just thinking about how I really feel I have made such a mistake.

[Character120]

Hi, thanks for your response :-)

I think just writing the post in itself has helped, I don’t think I could approach my partner, particularly as he has to take on my daughter too!
She’s at ours half the time and I’ve realised that when she’s here for a while it’s fine, the problem is when she returns from her mums and it’s like having a different child all over again (her mum isn’t very hands on)! I’ve decided to stop getting annoyed and not be afraid to be strict just as I would with mine as I think this may have been my problem.

Blending a family is so complicated, there’s so many underlying feelings but I’m really trying to choose to just be happy in the situation, however testing it can be at times!

I get that build up too! I hope you manage to navigate your way, it’s such a thankless job at times!

Xx

[Hopeless25]

Hi Character120

Is there an event that marked this change or was it just a build up? I am still relatively new in my situation and I already feel a build up of irritation when talk over the kid weekend pops up or anything kid related...Im really hoping it will pass.

I think that if things were good before it may just be a phase and hopefully it too shall pass. Hang in there and think about the good times. I know good advice would be to talk to your partner but I haven't got the courage to tell my partner my true feelings so can't advise others to.

But what I will say is that if she has been caught doing things like stealing or things like that then you will need to take a stern stance especially for things against your daughter. I've had to make a few things very clear with my SKs that I won't tolerate any physical outbursts or emotional bullying in my home.

[Character120]

I’ve just joined mumsnet because I’m seeking help as a step mum.
Around a year ago my partner and his child moved in with myself and daughter. Initially it was the perfect family unit, my daugter now had a lovely sibling. However the last couple months I’ve become really withdrawn from his daughter and I feel like I’m forcing being nice and on edge around her. I have found a couple of things difficult.
She is very untidy
Very fussy with food
I’ve caught her stealing my daughters pocket money and birthday toys
Never wears what I ask her to
Generally unappreciative
She is however a good kid and we used to be a really happy family, is it possible to go back to how it was. I feel like I’m becoming resentful towards my partner now as though I don’t get enough for what I do.
Any thoughts good/bad will be useful.

[Mamatribe]

Being a sm is just not meant to be easy. The kid is seeing their other parent with someone else which is hard to take in and there’s a million and one things that come with that! Doesn’t help when the ex is hostile and controlling.

[wiccan41]

I find it very hard being a sm I’ve had 3 children. 3 grand children and loved it most the time but being a sm for millions is hard the bjnd is hard to make when a SC doesn’t want you with they’re parent they lie and cause problems - then you get the ex and the jealously and problems
I wouldn’t do it again I do SD care all of it and she lies a lot and sadly that has made me at times just want to run away

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

To add yes 100% it is harder than parenting your child own children.

I lived with one DSD full time for 5 years and I tell you it’s been the hardest and the most disappointing relationship I’ve ever had in my life! Totally one sided! And with less than zero gratification. I’m sure that is not everyone’s experience.

[Wdigin2this]

Londongirl if you feel like the lodger in your own home, it's time to think seriously about your future!

[Wdigin2this]

So, I wonder how the OP is now?

[Londongirl71]

I sympathise with you. Been with my partner 2 1/2 years and living together almost a year. Just before I moved in his ex relinquished all responsibility for their 14 year old twins and it has been a tough year for them but also for us and our relationship, having them permanently. My own kids are adults and I wasn't expecting to become mum to someone else's kids tbh. I'm finding it hard. I cook, clean and clothe them as well as working full time and also recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis! I am seriously thinking about moving out again for my health and sanity. I feel like the lodger anyway. They only speak to me if it's to ask what's for dinner or where there dad is if he's nit around. Had enough......

[MumOfTwoMasterOfNone]

Completely agree with recent posts. I think there are a couple of nasty posters who are not stepparents that ruin it, as they want everything to be seen from their POV as the mother of the child/children. They are likely the same nasty, vindictive people who cause all the problems in step relationships in real life.
It's not what this area is for IMO. There isn't a lot of support for stepparents as it mainly focusses on the children, but it doesn't make your feelings as a person any less valid.
I hope everyone finds a way to muddle through and be happy!

[Buthewasstillhungry]

I never post in here anymore, it's the worst most unsupportive place on the Internet I reckon. Just pure abuse.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I'm well thank you @Bananasinpyjamas4 Same old! DSC are happy and well, and their Mum is very preoccupied with her new man, so keeping herself to herself. Can't complain. I hope you're well too and that things have settled down for you x

[Bananasinpyjamas4]

That is so nice thank you so much Anne I hope you are doing OK? I hope so... :-)

[AnneLovesGilbert]

@Bananasinpyjamas4 Hello! I think of you often and wonder how you're doing You've given me so much good advice and kindness, it was has been appreciated.

[Bananasinpyjamas4]

I don't know stepping!

[Fiona1984]

I have no children myself and find it hard sometimes with DP's 9y/o child. He's a lovely kid, but I find it difficult if he's being rude (mainly towards his dad) I know he's young and kids push boundaries as part of learning. His dad seems to tolerate rudeness much better than me, it doesn't seem to bother him. I know as a parent it is different and you can ignore things like this because you have more of a connection.

[SteppingOnToes]

Just stumbled across this zombie thread and wow how things have changed on the forum. People used to be really nice and supportive of each other - what happened?

[Sharn321]

Hi I'm 25 years old I have no children my boyfriend has 3 children 9,7,4 . We've been together for 3 years and it's been tough and nice at the same time after reading through this I think the best thing to do is detach your self from the problems with my bf and he's ex but how can you detach your self after you see how much it effects your bf and your life .

[littlepint90]

I just have to reply. I too would feel compromised if my step children's mom came into my home. You propose to find out why PP hates her so much. Well I know why I do - perhaps it was one of the times she told my husband she wishes him dead in a variety of descriptive ways, or perhaps the time she said she hopes my child gets no Christnas presents, or perhaps when she kidnapped her kids from the yard when it was our scheduled visitation, or even how my SD wishes she weren't born to her. Oh I don't think it's very difficult to wonder why I truly hate a psychopath and would feel uneasy and tainted by her prescence!!!!