Socialising with the Exes

[FrankLivesHere]

I have had only one quick hello with DP’s Ex. I’m not involved in pickups and drop offs as I travel for work and timings don’t coincide.

Recently I attended an event for the DC (primary school age 5 and 7) and she was there with her partner. A brief but friendly exchange at the end in front of the kids, a quick chat about the event. Now DC have requested we do more of this and go on days out together.

I see this is a request of the children and it would be nice to make them happy. My DP isn’t thrilled but wants to say yes for the kids, his ex and her partner are very keen. I am not sure I want to spend my time doing this but feel obligated. I would be the blocker. I can see the pros but I feel I want to do our own thing in our free time.

It’s good for everyone to get on but I feel this is a bit too much - is this unreasonable?

[Toooldforthis36]

Could you do it centred around future school
events? Like a picnic for sports day/go for tea before/after a play or a match kind of thing?

it could be time restricted then, and tick the box!

sounds like the ex and partner are decent? Better to have these things amicable x

[LGyouknow]

I personally feel that you can all be amicable without having to socialise more than the usual e.g. school plays, birthday's etc, and even then not all co-parenting relationships do that and can still be in the same room and make polite chit chat.

You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and the fact that your DP isn't particularly keen kind of gives you your answer really...

[Toomanysquishmallows]

My ex dropped contact with our dd , but I wouldn’t have felt at all comfortable socialising with him and his partner , however she was the ow . Only do what you are comfortable with .

[NewNameNigel]

I'm all for being amicable but I think forced socialising is more likely to sour relations than anything else.

I wouldn't do this unless it felt natural.

[TheSnowyOwl]

I think I would be clear what sort of socialising was and wasn’t acceptable eg school events are great, a week long holiday together isn’t.

[SKG231]

It’s great you can be amicable but that doesn’t mean you have to start socialising.

keep it to school stuff before it gets too tricky.

[Daleksatemyshed]

If your DSC would like it maybe you could do an occasional meet up. You don't mention your DSC's ages, but if you go along with this idea I'd make sure they understand it's a friends outing, a lot of DC seem very keen for Mum and Dad to get back together and you wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea

[uneffingbelievable]

I would never have done it with he first new DP of my Ex
the second one - yes.
Ex and I take hem both out for a meal on our own no DPs probably every couple of months. They get to talk to Mum and Dad together on the same page and no playing off against each other.

We go out may be 3 times per year with new DPs and DCs on all sides- oud rowdy and very relaxed - not forced but a nice meal with friends

[tomago]

Now DC have requested we do more of this and go on days out together.

You don't have to do it just because a 5 & 7 year old have asked you to.

[barkymcbark]

When the dc were younger it was inevitable that you'd end up at the same school plays, sports day, birthday parties etc which was fine. Now our dd is older we're bumping into each other again, when she's competing in her hobby. Not sure I'd be rushing out to planning days out though.

[ClutchingOurBananas]

@tomago

Now DC have requested we do more of this and go on days out together.

You don't have to do it just because a 5 & 7 year old have asked you to.

exactly this.

The children aren’t in charge here. It’s totally fine to say no.

[Pearlyb]

Why would the kids really want this? My stepkids have never wanted this, neither have my own children. I'm finding it a bit baffling. I'd steer clear, I'd rather poke my own eyes out than spend time with my husband's ex. I'm also finding it a bit weird that the ex and her new partner are so keen - don't they have their own social life? Just say no, the kids will survive!

[thestepmumspacepodcast]

If it's centred around events you'd be at anyway (school fair / concert etc) then seems like an easy win... but if you aren't comfortable with more that is ok too.

You have as much of a say as anyone about how you spend your free time xxx

[Toooldtoworry]

@Pearlyb

Why would the kids really want this? My stepkids have never wanted this, neither have my own children. I'm finding it a bit baffling. I'd steer clear, I'd rather poke my own eyes out than spend time with my husband's ex. I'm also finding it a bit weird that the ex and her new partner are so keen - don't they have their own social life? Just say no, the kids will survive!

🤣🤣

My sentiments exactly.

[Youcannotbeseriousreally]

Fuck no. The end.

[WimpoleHat]

a lot of DC seem very keen for Mum and Dad to get back together and you wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea

This was my thought too. And if you end up forming “traditions”, it ends up being a noose round your neck. I worked with someone who did this with her ex H and kids - they holidayed together. And then the kids wanted them both together for Christmas. And then when they both met someone else and wanted something different and to move away from that, all hell broke loose with the kids. So I’d be cautious….