Am i being unreasonable?

[OneAwesomeMum]

I'm not entirely sure if this is the right group to post this but all opinions are greatly received!

My partner is about to set up as self employed and has asked his daughter to do his accounts for him. She is 19 and in her 1st year at uni studying Business.

We have been together for nearly 2 years and don't currently live together but we have discussed moving in together potentially by the end of this year. We have discussed that monies would be 'ours' and not his and mine, which I am fine with. However what concerns me is that his daughter will know the ins and outs of his finances, which I'm not too keen on. I have always had a tight grip on my own finances and have never shared these with any outside family other than my partner. Am i being unreasonable to want to keep his daughter out of any money matters whether it be business or personal between myself and my partner?

I also don't feel, even though she is studying Business at uni that she has enough background or knowledge to point my partner in the right direction to profit his business. Am i wrong to think that she will just see pound signs and not the true profit within the business?

Should I express my views or keep my mouth shut

[Notapheasantplucker]

@np29

Wow, I think they'd be better off without you, tbh.

[dontdisturbmenow]

You really should start your own thread.

He basically got the best of both!
Are you really kicking a fuss because a 9h got to exceptionally stay up to watch a film and didn't go up to bed at 8 at 9yo and managed to squeeze a story too.

Frankly, if you deem this to be worth bringing up to your oh, it's him who should be leaving you.

You clearly hate his son and your oh is mad to stay with you and create a new family. It's never going to work if that's you feel and you react to the child getting to watch a film and getting a story.

[MyCatHatesEverybody]

@np29 I am sorry for your losses but why are you actively trying for a baby with a man whose parenting style you despise so much it causes arguments every weekend your DSS is with you?

"Not helped by both parents, one who basically buys him anything he wants from the hefty maintenance payments from DH." Either he's paying a court ordered amount in which case it's absolutely none of your business what she spends her money on because the divorce settlement would have factored in other aspects of their finances, or you have a DH problem in that his voluntary overpayments enable an "inappropriate" use of funds so I'll ask again, why are you actively trying for a baby with him when he falls so short of your expectations as a parent?

[np29]

Hi,

Please can someone tell me if I'm being unreasonable?

I have a SS who we see other weekend. Thankfully that is enough for me. However, every time he's here my DH treats him like a baby and basically does everything for him.
His son is 9 years old but can't play or do anything on his own. He constantly needs attention. I find it so wearing and annoying. Especially when I've asked my husband to do something , he says he will and then he doesn't. However, he is happy to run around for his son! He basically dictates the weekend he's here. If his son doesn't want to do something then they don't!

I'm not sure why my husbands has him over, they never do anything besides sit at home. 🙄

I have tried to explain to my husband that this isn't normal and life carries regardless if he's here but he chooses to ignore me.

There are no rules or boundaries when he's here and my husband can never say 'no' to him.

Weekend just gone, usually SS heads up to bed for 8, then dad reads him a story and back down for 8.30ish.
we agreed that he could stay up later to watch a film. Therefore he should head straight to bed as soon as the film is finished. Instead my husband also read him a book. I said we've allowed him to stay him later therefore we shouldn't also read. He basically got the best of both! I then had my husband moan that I wasn't clear enough. Clearly it's common sense?

I hate having him over because my DH acts like it's their house when it's not. We constantly argue every weekend he's here. Fed up of it all really.

Also trying for a baby but had 2 MC. I'm worried if we never have our own child, I'm not sure I can stick this out long term.

BTW, the child is pretty sweet at times but he's spoilt and ungrateful and thinks he deserves everything in life. Not helped by both parents, one who basically buys him anything he wants from the hefty maintenance payments from DH. And the other who can't say no due to guilt!

I'm sorry to say, I hate being a step parent.

Sorry for the rant!

[OneAwesomeMum]

@monkeymonkey2010 We have discussed that bills would be 50/50. This was before he set up as self employed, but he's quite confident that he will be able to support himself (even if im not there to contribute). The living together situation is not imminent so hopefully things will be clearer when the time comes.

[monkeymonkey2010]

We have discussed that monies would be 'ours' and not his and mine, which I am fine with

How will you be splitting bills? 50/50 or proportionately?
Accounts? One joint account you each transfer your share into?

I've got a funny feeling you will be subsidizing his living costs whilst he does his self-employed thing.

[CarolineIreland]

Okay sorry new to the site. Sorry about that.

[merryhouse]

@carolineireland you really need to start your own thread. This one is talking about business accounts and sharing finances (and quite possibly stroppy teenage students in 3...2...1...).

[Voice0fReason]

His business finances will be separate to his personal finances so I don't think there is any problem there for you.

It is not essential to have a qualified accountant to do your accounts, it really depends on the complexity of the business. I've done my own for years with no real difficulty. There are software packages that make it really easy.

[OneAwesomeMum]

@burnoutbabe I guess this is another concern of mine. My partner and his DD don't have the best relationship. She moved out last year because he wouldn't pay her £250 for cleaning the house! And they didn't talk for about 6 months. Hopefully she has grown up since then and actually wants to help her dad for the right reasons, and also has the time when she is back at uni

[burnoutbabe]

He really needs a proper accountant to save him money doing his tax return.
I mean she cab probably do his books and track bank payments to receipts and issue invoices but stuff like vat returns are important to get correct or face oenalties.
Is she really serious about wanting to do it each month properly?

[MotherofTerriers]

I have a professional accountant who does my tax returns, but my daughter does my bookkeeping, invoicing etc and is perfectly capable of doing so, its really not difficult
I'd rather trust her with it than a stranger

[GrumpyHoonMain]

I was running my uncle’s business accounts when I was 15. Keeping the books, managing invoices / purchases, filing accounts is not a difficult job just a labourious one.

[MrsOfBebbanburg]

She won't have the experience needed to do the accounts.

Without seeing his accounts you can’t possibly know this.

[Spillinteas]

@Thisbastardcomputer

She won't have the experience needed to do the accounts.

The accountancy software you can get now is pretty idiot proof

[Thisbastardcomputer]

She won't have the experience needed to do the accounts.

[Zodiacsunshine]

Keep finances separate or mixed money in an account she won’t have access too.

Choose your words very wisely! And say NADA about her not having enough knowledge to point his business in the right direction 😬

[Epigram]

That sounds sensible OP. When you have DC from a previous relationship, you have to be extra careful when joining finances with someone else.

[OneAwesomeMum]

@Epigram yes I do have 2 boys of my own, not with my current partner though.

Thank you for everyone's input. I think hearing other people's views has helped. Always good to get a different perspective.

Obviously I know I can't, and wouldn't stop him using his daughter to run his accounts. Rightly or wrongly I'll just stay out of it. But I think @Magda72, I will take heed on your advice and suggest to keep his and my finances separate. No problems should arise then!

[Epigram]

OP, in your shoes I would backtrack and say that, on thinking it over, you'd prefer to keep your finances separate for the first year or two after moving in. That way this needn't be your problem, either in terms of the privacy issue or in terms of the affect on you if your partner makes poor financial decisions. Do you have DC of your own?

[spotlighton]

The small business I work for has had several people doing the accounts during the years I have worked there.
None of them realised as they were happily working away in the books that their replacement would think the books were in a nightmare mess (the boss didn't have a clue and trusted the bookkeeper/accountant).

It does make the rest of us laugh...we would never keep our jobs if we messed up so regularly, but the bookeeper/accountant does because none of the rest of us check their work.

Luckily a firm do the VAT for us....otherwise my boss would really be in trouble!

[Magda72]

I'm with @NorthernSpirit - I'm self employed & would not be without my professional accountant. I manage the day to day myself but it's very time consuming.
I also wouldn't have my child do my finances no matter how capable they were as I personally think never mix business with pleasure & my kids are my pleasure.
All that being said OP you can't stop him employing his dd to do this. If you are uncomfortable having your finances under scrutiny (& you may well depending on how your dp is planning on paying himself & how you both are planning on handling tax issues) then I would suggest you just keep finances separate moving forward.

[tisonlymeagain]

Accounts aren't always difficult. I used to do them for an SME without any qualifications.

I would have no objections to his daughter doing his accounts but there's no way I would want her knowing any of my own financial details. But you should be able to keep those separate.

[MrsOfBebbanburg]

And like I said, depending on his (not yours) line of work, his accounts mightn’t be that complicated.

I also run my own business. And do my own accounts. Without any degree.