Wills: how did you allocate assets in a blended family?

[AliceAnneB]

DH has two kids from a previous marriage and we have one together. We are finally sorting out our wills and finding the asset split tricky. Did you take into account what your stepchildren wild inherit from their mother/family and try to make it even? As it stands now if both of us died 80% of our assets would go to our son as he's three and would be left with friends to raise. Once reached the end of formal education whatever was left would be split between the three kids. Does that seem fair?

[Melonfool]

AliceAnne - not currently, the insurance co have been singularly unhelpful with explaining what we need to do to 'assign' it.

So, I guess it currently would go into the estate. Dss gets the first £20k and I get the house (and anything in joint account/joint savings as they are held jointly so automatically go to me) and everything else is split 50/50 between me and dss. So, that would be the insurance policy split. In truth, the £20k (I should add, this £20k doesn't actually exist - the wording is "first £20k of everything he owns" but he has about £7k as far as I know, though his uncashed work share options, shares in his last co and his save as you earn might bring up up to £20k) plus half the insurance would be more than enough for the remaining maintenance, given he's 14. I would gift the rest to him in trust anyway if that happened (I don't want it).

It would be helpful to get it properly assigned though because then it can sit outside probate. It's on our to-do list to speak to the insurers again.

I think he has also assigned his death in service benefit at work 50/50 to me and dss. He knows I wouldn't leave dss to go without, and I wouldn't. I don't want to financially benefit from dp's death (I would rather like him not to die imminently anyway), but the important thing was more that I wasn't suddenly paying a mortgage (I don't pay it currently, he does) on a house I didn't fully own, or have to sell to realise the money for his ex whilst the money I was paying to the mortgage was simply increasing dss share.

[VivaLeBeaver]

My inlaws have done it so

His two kids from previous marrive get 25% each of his assets and the two kids from current marriage get 25% each.

My sil hasn't kids from a previous marriage so she is leaving all her assets 50/50 between her two kids.

So yes the younger ones get more. But I actually think it's quite fair. I guess the older ones will get money from their mother one day. And even if they don't they're not her kids so she wouldn't leave money to them.

[AliceAnneB]

Melonfool - are they the beneficiaries of that policy?

[Melonfool]

They could make a claim - but we also have insurance to cover that claim.

[AliceAnneB]

It depends on the age of the children when you die. If say my DH died first and he left everything to me both his ex wife and his children could make a claim against his estate under the 1975 act and would more than likely win. We have been advised to carry an extra life insurance policy that names the ex wife and kids as beneficiaries to prevent such an occurrence.

[owlborn]

Well, yes, they can. I guess it's based on trust, and depends on the relationship between stepkids and stepparent.

Perhaps I'm naive. It seems to work in my family. I can see why it might not work in others.

[Melonfool]

If course, after the first one dues, the second can write what they like in their will meaning the first one's family is disinherited.
In fact, they don't have to due to do this, they can write a new will at any time, wills are personal and the contents can be kept secret.

[owlborn]

With my dad and stepmum, the bulk of assets is willed to each other, with the exception of specific family heirlooms (paintings, medals, antiques, jewelry etc) which will be left to individuals.

Then the survivor, when they die, divide it equally between all the children. So technically I think my stepsibs are doing fairly well as I think my stepmum was less well off when she came into the marriage, but frankly, I don't care. We're family, and I think the good feeling is probably worth more than the cash. Something that might happen as well (although it's only a vague idea at the moment) is that they might disinherit all of us kids, on the grounds that we're old enough and ugly enough to look after ourselves, and have had loads of help over the years, and it'll all be divided equally between the grandkids, although that would involve regularly updating wills to make sure a younger child wasn't left out, which is I think why it's currently being left as 'divided between kids with the expectation it'll mostly be passed on to the grandkids'.

No idea what I'd do if I had stepkids. I quite like the idea that everyone is equal in a blended family, though, and I'd not like the idea of some kids getting a bigger share than others. That seems against the idea of family.

[Melonfool]

Oh, and Mommy, the only time you need to consider it in wills is for if you die together. Then you'd want a guardian in place.

If DH (the father) dies first you are automatically guardian and you then put what you want in your will re guardians.

If you die first they go to DH anyway. And he can make whatever provisions he wishes in his will.

The provisions are only wishes anyway, not legally upholdable. Social services have the legal responsibility. If you and dp put different people and die together then ss will decide.

It's normal in a will to say you are considered to have died together if you die within thirty days of each other - to avoid the "one dies in a car crash, one lives a day then dies" scenario.

[Melonfool]

I don't think it should be the grandparents, they are a generation too far away. And especially if they've never met them.

I agreed to be legal guardian for cousin's child should they die, she's over eighteen now and they're all alive. But in the years til she was eighteen I made sure I kept in regular contact in case the worst happened, at least she'd know who I was.

[Mommyusedtobecool]

Assets aside, who looks after the kids If both parents die? God forbid..
What if neither of you like the others parents?!
My other half thinks it would be his mum. However, in the 3 years we've had our kids, she hasn't met them once!
I intend to write a will just to clarify that. They're staying with my parents, where they're familiar, loved, understood and taken care of! End of.
And re other assets in a blended family, although I do all the child child raising, for my own and also full time with DSC, I want to have something aside I'd just leave to my dc from a previous marriage.

[AliceAnneB]

Thanks all for your replies. We've just gotten off the phone with the lawyer and I feel like my head is swimming. Apparently it's going to take all sorts of legal "vehicles" to prevent DHs from making a successful claim under the 1975 act if he were to die first. There's so much we didn't know and lots of choices/decisions.

[Savethesm]

We do each have insurance policies left solely to each of our kids though

[Savethesm]

It's really tricky noyearnoname, you can't leave everything in trust because then your husband's standard of living/ the house etc. would suffer. In the end when faced with the chance that in the event of my husband's death I could have to sell our house to pay his dd's "entitlement" we decided to just leave to each other. I trust him to do right by my daughter, and I by his, if either of us die. But I'm not having his dd knocking on my door for money.

[Melonfool]

The assumption in law is that the eldest died first unless you write something different in your will, so you can override that assumption.

The assumption is only there for if there is no provision in the will.

I am the same re bringing all the assets, no dc of my own, don't mind the dss getting something but don't want to make his mother rich! Remember you can write now that DH gets the money in trust to use and goes to N&N when he dies, but you can change it later, say when dc are over 18, to share it differently.

I will be changing mine when dss is over 18 I think.

But life insurance is fairly cheap and can mean you don't need to worry too much about how the assets are split. dp has £92k of life insurance and it's £8pm. That will pay the mortgage and leave £20k for his dc which covers outstanding maints. The longer he lives, the lower the mortgage and outstanding maints and then more comes to me which I would gift to dss in tryst along with other money left to him by dp, though we've both left the house to each other.

[Woooooohoooooo]

Can you give 2/3 of your inheritance to your son. And 1/3 to them

DH can split all the inheritance equally between all three. The boys will also inherit from their mum.

[nooyearnooname]

I'm struggling with this a bit too. No DCs of my own and not planning to have any. I brought a lot of assets into the marriage as I had been lucky enough to have made quite a bit on a property sale and had saved hard for several years, DH brought very little.

Obviously if anything happened to me, I would want everything to go to DH. However I would not want my SS to then inherit in turn when DH died - I would want my nieces to have anything that was left over. But I can't work out how to do this without putting everything in trust, which would then mean that DH wouldn't really have free access to the assets.

It is tricky isn't it. Someone mentioned above about what would happen if both of you died in a car crash - worth knowing that if you were both killed in the car and they didn't know who had died first, the assumption in law is that the oldest has died first - so in my case if I died intestate everything would go directly to my SS as I am older than DH. Must make a will!

[sandgrown]

I have 2 children.DP has 4 and we have one joint child. I have my own property to which DP has never contributed and I want this to go to.my three children. My older two went through the struggles we had to hold onto the house when ex dh left. Our joint house will be split equally I think with a proviso that if one of us dies we can stay there until death before house is split.

[swingofthings]

I don't think considering what each child would get from other sources a fair way of allocating splits. The fact that they would also inherit from their mum is irrelevant as indeed, who know what the future holds. It could be that by the time she passes away, she has dwindled it all. Or not only she had to use her assets to pay for many years of care, but maybe the children would have to contribute towards that costs. Similarly, any of the three children could win the lotery and on this basis become less worthy of the inheritance.

I think that the only fair way is that whatever assets that have come from you should go 100% to your child, and what has come from their dad should be divided 1/3rd equally between his three children.

[Melonfool]

Why not arrange life insurance to pay for little one's education but split the assets in the will three ways?

You can also buy life insurance which is assigned to the ex to cover ongoing maintenance, a reducing term life cover like you buy with a mortgage, so it becomes zero when the maints agreement would end.

[ijustwanttobeme]

This has come up recently in our house too.

DP has 3DCs from his first marriage, and 2 with me.

He's said he's planning on dividing everything 6 ways.

I on the other hand, although I love my SDCs they will be gifted specific amounts rather than a share of my estate- that is to be divided between my 2 DCs.

[Quesera21]

What I leave my 3DCS has got bugger all to do with what their father does with his monies.

He currently has our 3DCs, his 2 step DCs and he and new partner have 1 DC.

He actually asked me if I would mind if he left his share to her and her 2 DCs and their joint, because I would provide for our joint DCs.

I had to point out to him, they were his DCs and he had a moral obligation to them, just like I did. She allegedly thought if it went 6 ways none of them would get a decent amount. My DCs love their half sib and I can only imagine how they would feel if they got zilch and he got a third/ That child is going to need their sibs in the future and this would be the way to drive a v big wedge between them. Why he is providing for her DCs is beyond me.

[K888]

Yes I've been pondering this too. My DH is in negative equity on his house (the one we live in) - as he took out a huge mortgage on it to buy his wife a big house and put it in her name. This won't be paid off until he is in his 70s. We have one son together and he has 4 daughters.

He's made a will where all 5 children will get equal share. This will mean, that if both he and his ex died - my four step daughters will get a substantial amount of money and my son will get either nothing or half. If his wife had contributed or the difference wasn't that great - then fair enough - but the difference is huge and was arrived through misplaced guilt rather than a fair settlement (a solicitor advised it was not fair or affordable).

My DH realised he made a mistake about buying a house for his ex - or such a big house - I'm all for being fair in separations but he could not afford it then or now and feels a bit of a fool.

I don't really feel like I have any say in his will - but I did just bring it up the other day - saying - I wonder how his son might feel - maybe we should just consider this. He wouldn't listen and I am starting to feel that our son will be short changed and may well feel second best in the future. Fairness is not easy!!!

[MeridianB]

One interesting thing which came up when we did our wills was considering what might happen if we all died suddenly in an accident apart from DSD. Our solicitor pointed out that if we died intestate or just left everything to each other and I died first then my estate would go to DH and then to DSD. So if you want your mother/brother/cats home to share your estate in the event of you and your children dying then it's worth being specific.

Gruesome to consider but important. I'm sure some people would be very happy for their DSCs to get their estate but it was something that had not crossed my mind until the solicitor raised it. I guess it works the other way in that if DH died first in an accident then my parents, rather than his daughter would inherit his estate unless he had sorted that out via a will.